Hi,
Yeah, tis been a while since I last posted. Sorry about that, had a lot on my mental and physical plate lately, and some things just got pushed onto the back burner. And as you can tell, this blog was one of them.
The news on the glbt front has been rather mixed lately, some very hopeful, some ever so not. Ding dong the wicked DADT is soon to be an entry on the misguided law page. And while I couldnt be happier to have gays and lesbians the right to serve our country, once again transgender folks were left without a place at the table of civil rights. It seems that every time glbt issues come up, the only way for gays and lesbians to get a slice of the civil rights pie is to throw the trans folk under the bus. And I get that, I really do, when the piece of the pie is so incredibly small, it does cause the mentality of "every person for themselves" sinking ship kinda thing.
Tonight while chatting with Newleaf, he asked me had I seen this video, and when I told him no, he sent me this link. Hopefully it will make you smile and brighen your day.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
If a Married Lesbian Couple Saves 40 Teens from the Norway Massacre and No One Writes About it, Did it Really Happen?
What you probably have not heard about is the married lesbian couple who rescued 40 teenagers during and after the bloody event. Several blogs and gay and lesbian publications are now picking up the story, but the heavy hitters who usually kill for hero stories like this, have remained silent.
The Finnish capital city’s largest daily newspaper, Helsingin Sanomat, published this account (translated from Finnish):
Hege Dalen and her spouse, Toril Hansen were near Utöyan having dinner on the opposite shore across from the ill-fated campsite, when they began to hear gunfire and screaming on the island.Please share this story and make sure people know the heroism of Hege and Toril.
“We were eating. Then shooting and then the awful screaming. We saw how the young people ran in panic into the lake,” says Dale to HS in an interview.
The couple immediately took action and pushed the boat into Lake Tyrifjorden.
Dalen and Hansen drove the boat to the island, picked up from the water victims in shock in, the young and wounded, and transported them to the opposite shore to the mainland. Between runs they saw that the bullets had hit the right side of the boat.
Since there were so many and not all fit at once aboard, they returned to the island four times.
They were able to rescue 40 young people from the clutches of the killer.
“We did not sleep last night at all. Today, we have been together and talked about the events,” Dalen said.
Check out our follow-up to this post here: Hege & Toril: Why We Write, which addresses many of your comments and questions about this article.
*The term “Christian Fundamentalist” has been disputed greatly in both the press and the comments section below this post. According to Norwegian police investigating the massacre, Anders Behrin Breivik was a “Christian Fundamentalist” as described by the New York Times and several Norwegian sources. There is a great post from CNN, which discusses at length, the use of the term being used for Breivik.
**Thank you to readers who have provided credible sources as to the actual number of deaths from this tragedy. We originally reported that 92 had been killed, but according to Norwegian sources, the total number is at 77, with many still in the hospital.
Please Follow us on Twitter @TalkEquality
reposted from Talk Equality
Sunday, July 17, 2011
And so it begins....
Well good news gays, lesbians and bisexuals of America, you are no longer public enemy #1! Yup! Thats true, so get your party on. Oh, you are wondering who has taken your role as bringers of the end times, with Mr. Satan at the helm, tis the transgender population. Turns out, unbeknownst to me, that the transgeder population is now "indoctrinating" children. Well, since we can't breed to increase our population we are forced to increase our ranks by confusing wee children into believing they are trans.
A word of caution before you read the article below, this is full on hate speech and is hard to stomach.
This week, Focus on the Family reported something that is becoming decreasingly shocking:
In Sweden, apparently “the staff of a preschool is no longer using pronouns like “he” or “she” when referring to students”. The report states: “The preschool’s approach to gender is a reflection of Sweden’s national school curriculum that includes the mission of breaking down gender roles. For example, when playing “house,” teachers suggest students role play with two or three taking the role of “mom.”
These attempts at social engineering—impacting kids directly—aren’t just happening overseas. An Oakland elementary school recently spent two days on “Gender Spectrum Diversity Training.” Their reading list for second and third graders includes My Princess Boy and 10,000 Dresses, in which boy characters wear tiaras and magical dresses.”
As a parent I am horrified. As a person I am disgusted. As a Christian I am broken hearted. And as someone with any sense of logic and reason I am thoroughly irritated.
Let’s work backwards. Why as a person of logic and reason? Because this whole notion that gender is subjective and can be decided is insanity. I’m not being extreme. To believe with conviction that you are something that you are not, and to act upon that fantasy is a clinical definition of insanity – only in the case of gender confusion it has become acceptable.
For example, if a person believed they were mistakenly born a human and should have been born a cow or any other barnyard animal, then proceeded to live their life as such they would be given massive amounts of Thorazine and locked in a rubber room. When (and I mean when, because this happens) a person falls into the delusion (not the word delusion) that they are not in fact who they are but rather a famous historical figure (i.e. Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison, etc…) they are treated for psychiatric problems.
However, when a person is born as a man (which by the way, you can tell simply by looking) and they claim they were wrongly born that way and that they are actually a woman “on the inside”, how does that make them any less insane than the “cow man” or “modern Abraham Lincoln”. Why isn’t he given counseling and just told to look in his pants? Rather, these people are given permission to carry their delusion to the farthest extreme and actually adopt it via surgical procedure. What’s next? Do we so udders on cow man? Or perhaps start milking cow woman as she stands on all fours simply because she believes it’s what she was made to do? Does it sound like these questions are crossing the line? Why these questions and not the idea of the perversion of gender? It’s clinical insanity.
As a Christian, I’m broken hearted, and I disagree. Why? Because the bible says in Romans 9 “But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’” Psalm 139 says “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”& “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Jeremiah 1 says ““Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;” The Bible goes on and on and on about how God makes each one of us exactly how he wants us. He didn’t screw up. He didn’t mess up. If you’re struggling with where you are, then it’s just that, a struggle, and guess what, we all have struggles. But that doesn’t change what you are, it just means you’ve got some things to work through just like everybody else in this world, it doesn’t mean you spit in the face of your creator. To reject your gender is to reject your God. (Don’t forget Deut 22:5, 1Cor 11:3-15, and 1 Cor 14:40 that deal with dressing like a transvestite)
As a person I am disgusted that anyone would subject children to the kind of brainwashing that teaches them that aberrant and insane behavior is not only acceptable but should be encouraged in their own lives. If “Cow-man” exists, then fine. We don’t hate him for it. We love him and offer him the psychological treatment he needs to re-enter society. We certainly don’t teach our children that “if they set their minds to it they can be anything they want, including a cow, producing milk and fertilizer and living naked in a barn with all the other cows and even take a cow as a wife!” That would be a horrific thing to teach a child. So is indoctrinating them with the idea that they aren’t, or don’t necessarily have to be, the human being they were created as. To do that is literally to sexually assault a child and it should be treated as such a crime.
As a parent I am horrified because, I have a young son, and for all of the reasons listed above it petrifies me to realize that I have to raise him in a world where every day is “opposite day” – where insanity is not even normal, but now even taught as proper education. I will raise my son to know that God created him with a clear purpose in mind and that and that he was designed exactly as God would have him to be. My son will know what it means to be a real man, how to have strength of character & integrity, how to respect women, lead his family, love his wife unconditionally, and most of all serve God.
posted at http://apologeticsblogger.wordpress.com/2011/07/15/the-transgender-indoctrination-of-our-children/
A word of caution before you read the article below, this is full on hate speech and is hard to stomach.
Your Source for Christian Apologetics on the Web
The Transgender Indoctrination of our Children
Posted on July 15, 2011 by mightytimbo
0
This week, Focus on the Family reported something that is becoming decreasingly shocking:
In Sweden, apparently “the staff of a preschool is no longer using pronouns like “he” or “she” when referring to students”. The report states: “The preschool’s approach to gender is a reflection of Sweden’s national school curriculum that includes the mission of breaking down gender roles. For example, when playing “house,” teachers suggest students role play with two or three taking the role of “mom.”
These attempts at social engineering—impacting kids directly—aren’t just happening overseas. An Oakland elementary school recently spent two days on “Gender Spectrum Diversity Training.” Their reading list for second and third graders includes My Princess Boy and 10,000 Dresses, in which boy characters wear tiaras and magical dresses.”
As a parent I am horrified. As a person I am disgusted. As a Christian I am broken hearted. And as someone with any sense of logic and reason I am thoroughly irritated.
Let’s work backwards. Why as a person of logic and reason? Because this whole notion that gender is subjective and can be decided is insanity. I’m not being extreme. To believe with conviction that you are something that you are not, and to act upon that fantasy is a clinical definition of insanity – only in the case of gender confusion it has become acceptable.
For example, if a person believed they were mistakenly born a human and should have been born a cow or any other barnyard animal, then proceeded to live their life as such they would be given massive amounts of Thorazine and locked in a rubber room. When (and I mean when, because this happens) a person falls into the delusion (not the word delusion) that they are not in fact who they are but rather a famous historical figure (i.e. Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison, etc…) they are treated for psychiatric problems.
However, when a person is born as a man (which by the way, you can tell simply by looking) and they claim they were wrongly born that way and that they are actually a woman “on the inside”, how does that make them any less insane than the “cow man” or “modern Abraham Lincoln”. Why isn’t he given counseling and just told to look in his pants? Rather, these people are given permission to carry their delusion to the farthest extreme and actually adopt it via surgical procedure. What’s next? Do we so udders on cow man? Or perhaps start milking cow woman as she stands on all fours simply because she believes it’s what she was made to do? Does it sound like these questions are crossing the line? Why these questions and not the idea of the perversion of gender? It’s clinical insanity.
As a Christian, I’m broken hearted, and I disagree. Why? Because the bible says in Romans 9 “But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’” Psalm 139 says “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”& “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Jeremiah 1 says ““Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;” The Bible goes on and on and on about how God makes each one of us exactly how he wants us. He didn’t screw up. He didn’t mess up. If you’re struggling with where you are, then it’s just that, a struggle, and guess what, we all have struggles. But that doesn’t change what you are, it just means you’ve got some things to work through just like everybody else in this world, it doesn’t mean you spit in the face of your creator. To reject your gender is to reject your God. (Don’t forget Deut 22:5, 1Cor 11:3-15, and 1 Cor 14:40 that deal with dressing like a transvestite)
As a person I am disgusted that anyone would subject children to the kind of brainwashing that teaches them that aberrant and insane behavior is not only acceptable but should be encouraged in their own lives. If “Cow-man” exists, then fine. We don’t hate him for it. We love him and offer him the psychological treatment he needs to re-enter society. We certainly don’t teach our children that “if they set their minds to it they can be anything they want, including a cow, producing milk and fertilizer and living naked in a barn with all the other cows and even take a cow as a wife!” That would be a horrific thing to teach a child. So is indoctrinating them with the idea that they aren’t, or don’t necessarily have to be, the human being they were created as. To do that is literally to sexually assault a child and it should be treated as such a crime.
As a parent I am horrified because, I have a young son, and for all of the reasons listed above it petrifies me to realize that I have to raise him in a world where every day is “opposite day” – where insanity is not even normal, but now even taught as proper education. I will raise my son to know that God created him with a clear purpose in mind and that and that he was designed exactly as God would have him to be. My son will know what it means to be a real man, how to have strength of character & integrity, how to respect women, lead his family, love his wife unconditionally, and most of all serve God.
posted at http://apologeticsblogger.wordpress.com/2011/07/15/the-transgender-indoctrination-of-our-children/
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Lube Safety for Rectal Use by Jake Weinraub
The International Rectal Microbicide Advocates (IRMA) recently released a study examining the 
effect of lubricants on rectal tissue. They ran an internet-based survey in six languages, receiving 8,945 responses highlighting behaviors and attitudes around anal intercourse, condom use, lube use, as well as acceptability of rectal microbicides if they were on the market.
IRMA shares that lubricants, as well as anal sex, enemas, and douching cause some level of inflammation in the rectum, most of which occurs naturally and repairs itself within minutes or hours.
Knowing this, IRMA builds off existing science to better examine levels of inflammation and damage that are a result of AI alone, without lubes, and with lubes.
effect of lubricants on rectal tissue. They ran an internet-based survey in six languages, receiving 8,945 responses highlighting behaviors and attitudes around anal intercourse, condom use, lube use, as well as acceptability of rectal microbicides if they were on the market.IRMA shares that lubricants, as well as anal sex, enemas, and douching cause some level of inflammation in the rectum, most of which occurs naturally and repairs itself within minutes or hours.
Knowing this, IRMA builds off existing science to better examine levels of inflammation and damage that are a result of AI alone, without lubes, and with lubes.
Key Findings:
Bottom line: more research is urgently needed to explore if there is a link between lube use and acquiring HIV and/or rectal STI's.
In the meantime, IRMA reiterates that "using male or female condoms is still considered the best way to prevent acquiring HIV and STIs during AI. In addition, the use of condom-compatible lubes has been associated with a decreased risk of condoms breaking or slipping."
These studies will inevitably inform the development of rectal microbicides, a cream or gel (or potentially a douche or an enema) that could be inserted vaginally or rectally and used to reduce a person's risk of HIV infection. IRMA chair Jim Pickett shared with Bilerico in 2008 that rectal microbicides represent a viable option when condoms fail or when their use cannot be easily negotiated.
For more information on the study, check out IRMA's May 18 presentation. Here is a link to their slides.
Found at Bilerico May 22, 2011
- Many water-based lubes (such as Astroglide, ID, KY Jelly, and Elbow Grease) are hyperosmolar, meaning they have a higher concentration of soluble components than normal cells in the body, "sucking" away water from inside vaginal/rectal cells, making them shrink in size. A question for IRMA is whether or not this damage is a factor relating to HIV infection risk.
- Most of the lubricants were found to be hyperosmolar.
- KY Jelly, ID Glide, Elbow Grease, and Astroglide are similarly toxic for cells, cell lines, and tissues, with Astroglide being the most toxic.
- PRE and Wet Platinum appear to cause the least damage.
- None of the lubricants have show any significant activity against HIV-1.
- Four Astriglide lubricants actually significantly enhanced HIV-1 replication in vitro.
Bottom line: more research is urgently needed to explore if there is a link between lube use and acquiring HIV and/or rectal STI's.
In the meantime, IRMA reiterates that "using male or female condoms is still considered the best way to prevent acquiring HIV and STIs during AI. In addition, the use of condom-compatible lubes has been associated with a decreased risk of condoms breaking or slipping."
These studies will inevitably inform the development of rectal microbicides, a cream or gel (or potentially a douche or an enema) that could be inserted vaginally or rectally and used to reduce a person's risk of HIV infection. IRMA chair Jim Pickett shared with Bilerico in 2008 that rectal microbicides represent a viable option when condoms fail or when their use cannot be easily negotiated.
For more information on the study, check out IRMA's May 18 presentation. Here is a link to their slides.
Found at Bilerico May 22, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Gay Marriage With Chinese Characteristics by Nicola Davison
A visit to a Shanghai fake-marriage market, where lesbians and gay men meet to find a husband or wife.
SHANGHAI, China—"I'm here to find a lesbian, to be with me and to build a home," No. 11 says to the crowd clustered on floor cushions at a sunlit yoga studio in Shanghai. No. 11 is a muscular man in a flannel shirt and cargo pants, and he easily commands the attention of the crowd of 40 or so young men and women who are gingerly sipping glasses of wine and whispering to their neighbors.
"In my view, a 30-year-old man should start thinking about having a family, but two men can't hold each other's hands in the street. We're not allowed to be a family," he says. The crowd nods.
I'm at a fake-marriage market, where Chinese lesbians and gay men meet to find a potential husband or wife. In China, the pressure to form a heterosexual marriage is so acute that 80 percent of China's gay population marries straight people, according to sexologist Li Yinhe, a professor at the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences. To avoid such unions, six months ago, Shanghai's biggest gay Web site, inlemon.cn, started to hold marriage markets once a month.
Thirty minutes earlier, I triple-checked the address scrawled in my notebook. The studio—located in a high-rise apartment complex—seems an unlikely spot for a fake-marriage market. "The boss of the yoga studio is very kind to us," says Fen Ye, my guide. Slipping off my shoes at the doorway, I pad up stairs lined with Buddhas in the red plastic flip-flops provided. When Fen slides open a door to reveal men and women chatting quietly, conversation falters. "They weren't expecting a foreigner," he whispers, adding, "and don't tell anyone you're a reporter. I'll just say you're my lesbian friend." He bustles me to a cushion on the floor and hands me a glass of Chinese red wine.
Precautions are necessary for an event like this. Though there are an estimated 30 million to 40 million gay people in China—there has been no official count—even simple actions such as trying to access Wikipedia's "LGBT" page often result in a "This webpage is not available" message. Chinese society has adopted a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. A 2007 survey by Li Yinhe found that 70 percent of Chinese people think homosexuality is either "a little" or "completely" wrong, and only 7.5 percent of respondents said they knew a gay person.
While past generations buried their sexuality in straight marriages, the people gathered at the yoga studio are trying a new approach. No. 8 (the men sport numbered buttons in a pleasing shade of blue, the women's are pink), a pretty 22-year-old woman with curly dyed chestnut hair, skinny jeans, and Snoopy slippers wants a fake marriage to ease parental pressure, but she doesn't want a baby. No. 15, a strikingly tall man with side-swept bangs, says: "I want to get married for my parents, but I think lying to them will make me feel terrible. So I want to have a fake marriage with a lesbian girl, but just for one or two years, and then I want a divorce to show my parents that I am not a marriage type." There's one constant: All the participants talk about pleasing their parents.
Influential Zhou Dynasty Confucian scholar Mencius said that the "most serious" way to be unfilial is to not produce an heir. It's an idea that still reverberates through China's family-centric culture. In contemporary slang, single women over the age of 27 are known as sheng nu or "leftovers."
"I could absolutely not come out to my parents. If I could tell them I was gay, I wouldn't have needed to get married," says my guide, 30-year-old Fen, as we sit in a converted Shanghainese shikumen lane house near the popular tourist spot People's Park. We're talking about his lesbian wife, whom he met on inlemon.cn.
"I had a big, traditional Chinese wedding. It lasted for three days, and there were maybe 500 people there. My parents were so happy," says Fen, who knew his wife for seven months before they married. "In your job, in your social life, and for family gatherings, you need to bring a partner. It's hard to do these things alone in China. My grandfather and grandmother … everyone was waiting for me to get married. The wedding felt like a task I needed to accomplish, something I needed to get through step-by-step, a bit like doing homework."
For many gay men, the chance to experience parenthood—and to provide a grandchild for longing parents—is a distinct advantage of these unions. At the yoga studio marriage market, almost every man says he wants a baby, Fen included. "[On the Web site] I said that I didn't want to have a sex life with my wife—absolutely none." Although he says he and his wife are not "very good friends," they have discussed having a child. "For a baby we will maybe use artificial insemination," he says.
Past generations did things differently. The Lai Lai dancehall, in a rundown corner of Shanghai's Hongkou district, is a refuge for gay but married men. Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night, about 200 men crowd the dance floor in their mismatched suits, twirling together in the green light and cigarette smoke. When they're not dancing, they sit in groups around the edge, nursing flasks of tea, though beer is available for 75 cents a glass.
Zhang, who is 55 and married with children, goes every week. "You can find gay bars in every city, but a dancehall like this only in Shanghai," he says. While tinny speakers rattle out familiar patriotic songs, the dancing stays elegant and refined. Flirting is discreet, barely noticeable. "Older gay men feel comfortable in this place," Zhang tells me. "Because the dancehall starts early, they can go home to their families and keep it secret. Though sometimes the wives come to look for their husbands, and then other people have to persuade them that their husband is just dancing."
But 30-year-old Mu Mu knew that her husband was not "just dancing." Just after she became pregnant, Mu Mu's husband started openly dating men. "I knew he was gay before we got married," says the Shanghai resident over the phone to protect her anonymity. "But the word gay was really strange to me. I read that being gay is something you're born as, but other people said it's like a disease that can be healed. Because I loved him a lot, I hoped that maybe he would change." It wasn't until a year after the birth of their daughter, and after her husband brought home another man to live with them, that Mu Mu left him.
Mu Mu is one of China's estimated 16 million to 25 million "homowives"—or tongqi in pinyin (the word is an amalgamation of the Mandarin for gay and wife)—women who are married to gay men.
"The happiest time of our marriage was when I gave birth to our daughter," says Mu Mu. "That one week when I was in the hospital, he took care of me and the baby. Much of the rest of the time I felt abandoned."
Posted Wednesday, Feb. 9, 2011, at 10:09 AM ET
reposted from Slate
For many women, speaking out about their gay husbands is more difficult than staying in loveless marriages, but in the last few years Web-based support groups have started to form. Li, 33, is a volunteer on a homowife support forum on QQ, a Chinese social networking site. Her job involves giving advice and answering questions, and she is often the only person the homowives confide in. "The women are desperate," she explains over iced tea on a busy shopping street in central Shanghai. "At first they feel shock, and they don't know what to do, because people don't know much about gay people. They think their husband is a disturbed person."
While it's relatively easy to get divorced in China, Li says, many women stick with the marriages for complicated reasons. "Some stay because they still love their husband. He's a good person, and a good father, and they want their children to have a father," she says. Another reason is social stigma. "Most of the women can't go to their friends, they don't think they will be able to accept it or understand. Which is true. I think in China people make a moral judgment about it. [The women] think people will think, 'Wow, your husband would prefer to be with a man than with you—what a loser.' "
But there are tentative signs of change. Pink Space, a Beijing-based sexuality research center, started a support group for homowives earlier this year—the first of its kind in China. Zhang Beichan, a director at the China Sexology Association, thinks the homowife "problem" is shrinking. "In 2005, a TV station put out a program about gay issues, and I introduced a homowife who talked about her problems. This was one of the first times this issue was introduced to the public. It had a very big impact—some gay men still share that program with their families when they are pressured into getting married. Also, there are more and more gay men coming out of the closet, and more awareness of gay issues."
Back at the fake-marriage market, Fen Yu and his friends see themselves as the "transitional" generation. While they can't come out to their parents, they can, at least, be open about their sexuality among friends, go to gay bars, and date. "For the generation after ours, it might be easier," he says, "Our parents have no idea what homosexuality is. It's very difficult, because it's just opening up."
If Fen becomes a father, his will be a different approach: "I might not be able to tell my parents," he says, "but when my child grows up, I will tell them the real story about why it happened and who I am."
SHANGHAI, China—"I'm here to find a lesbian, to be with me and to build a home," No. 11 says to the crowd clustered on floor cushions at a sunlit yoga studio in Shanghai. No. 11 is a muscular man in a flannel shirt and cargo pants, and he easily commands the attention of the crowd of 40 or so young men and women who are gingerly sipping glasses of wine and whispering to their neighbors.
"In my view, a 30-year-old man should start thinking about having a family, but two men can't hold each other's hands in the street. We're not allowed to be a family," he says. The crowd nods.
I'm at a fake-marriage market, where Chinese lesbians and gay men meet to find a potential husband or wife. In China, the pressure to form a heterosexual marriage is so acute that 80 percent of China's gay population marries straight people, according to sexologist Li Yinhe, a professor at the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences. To avoid such unions, six months ago, Shanghai's biggest gay Web site, inlemon.cn, started to hold marriage markets once a month.
Thirty minutes earlier, I triple-checked the address scrawled in my notebook. The studio—located in a high-rise apartment complex—seems an unlikely spot for a fake-marriage market. "The boss of the yoga studio is very kind to us," says Fen Ye, my guide. Slipping off my shoes at the doorway, I pad up stairs lined with Buddhas in the red plastic flip-flops provided. When Fen slides open a door to reveal men and women chatting quietly, conversation falters. "They weren't expecting a foreigner," he whispers, adding, "and don't tell anyone you're a reporter. I'll just say you're my lesbian friend." He bustles me to a cushion on the floor and hands me a glass of Chinese red wine.
Precautions are necessary for an event like this. Though there are an estimated 30 million to 40 million gay people in China—there has been no official count—even simple actions such as trying to access Wikipedia's "LGBT" page often result in a "This webpage is not available" message. Chinese society has adopted a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. A 2007 survey by Li Yinhe found that 70 percent of Chinese people think homosexuality is either "a little" or "completely" wrong, and only 7.5 percent of respondents said they knew a gay person.
While past generations buried their sexuality in straight marriages, the people gathered at the yoga studio are trying a new approach. No. 8 (the men sport numbered buttons in a pleasing shade of blue, the women's are pink), a pretty 22-year-old woman with curly dyed chestnut hair, skinny jeans, and Snoopy slippers wants a fake marriage to ease parental pressure, but she doesn't want a baby. No. 15, a strikingly tall man with side-swept bangs, says: "I want to get married for my parents, but I think lying to them will make me feel terrible. So I want to have a fake marriage with a lesbian girl, but just for one or two years, and then I want a divorce to show my parents that I am not a marriage type." There's one constant: All the participants talk about pleasing their parents.
Influential Zhou Dynasty Confucian scholar Mencius said that the "most serious" way to be unfilial is to not produce an heir. It's an idea that still reverberates through China's family-centric culture. In contemporary slang, single women over the age of 27 are known as sheng nu or "leftovers."
"I could absolutely not come out to my parents. If I could tell them I was gay, I wouldn't have needed to get married," says my guide, 30-year-old Fen, as we sit in a converted Shanghainese shikumen lane house near the popular tourist spot People's Park. We're talking about his lesbian wife, whom he met on inlemon.cn.
"I had a big, traditional Chinese wedding. It lasted for three days, and there were maybe 500 people there. My parents were so happy," says Fen, who knew his wife for seven months before they married. "In your job, in your social life, and for family gatherings, you need to bring a partner. It's hard to do these things alone in China. My grandfather and grandmother … everyone was waiting for me to get married. The wedding felt like a task I needed to accomplish, something I needed to get through step-by-step, a bit like doing homework."
For many gay men, the chance to experience parenthood—and to provide a grandchild for longing parents—is a distinct advantage of these unions. At the yoga studio marriage market, almost every man says he wants a baby, Fen included. "[On the Web site] I said that I didn't want to have a sex life with my wife—absolutely none." Although he says he and his wife are not "very good friends," they have discussed having a child. "For a baby we will maybe use artificial insemination," he says.
Past generations did things differently. The Lai Lai dancehall, in a rundown corner of Shanghai's Hongkou district, is a refuge for gay but married men. Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night, about 200 men crowd the dance floor in their mismatched suits, twirling together in the green light and cigarette smoke. When they're not dancing, they sit in groups around the edge, nursing flasks of tea, though beer is available for 75 cents a glass.
Zhang, who is 55 and married with children, goes every week. "You can find gay bars in every city, but a dancehall like this only in Shanghai," he says. While tinny speakers rattle out familiar patriotic songs, the dancing stays elegant and refined. Flirting is discreet, barely noticeable. "Older gay men feel comfortable in this place," Zhang tells me. "Because the dancehall starts early, they can go home to their families and keep it secret. Though sometimes the wives come to look for their husbands, and then other people have to persuade them that their husband is just dancing."
But 30-year-old Mu Mu knew that her husband was not "just dancing." Just after she became pregnant, Mu Mu's husband started openly dating men. "I knew he was gay before we got married," says the Shanghai resident over the phone to protect her anonymity. "But the word gay was really strange to me. I read that being gay is something you're born as, but other people said it's like a disease that can be healed. Because I loved him a lot, I hoped that maybe he would change." It wasn't until a year after the birth of their daughter, and after her husband brought home another man to live with them, that Mu Mu left him.
Mu Mu is one of China's estimated 16 million to 25 million "homowives"—or tongqi in pinyin (the word is an amalgamation of the Mandarin for gay and wife)—women who are married to gay men.
"The happiest time of our marriage was when I gave birth to our daughter," says Mu Mu. "That one week when I was in the hospital, he took care of me and the baby. Much of the rest of the time I felt abandoned."
Posted Wednesday, Feb. 9, 2011, at 10:09 AM ET
reposted from Slate
For many women, speaking out about their gay husbands is more difficult than staying in loveless marriages, but in the last few years Web-based support groups have started to form. Li, 33, is a volunteer on a homowife support forum on QQ, a Chinese social networking site. Her job involves giving advice and answering questions, and she is often the only person the homowives confide in. "The women are desperate," she explains over iced tea on a busy shopping street in central Shanghai. "At first they feel shock, and they don't know what to do, because people don't know much about gay people. They think their husband is a disturbed person."
While it's relatively easy to get divorced in China, Li says, many women stick with the marriages for complicated reasons. "Some stay because they still love their husband. He's a good person, and a good father, and they want their children to have a father," she says. Another reason is social stigma. "Most of the women can't go to their friends, they don't think they will be able to accept it or understand. Which is true. I think in China people make a moral judgment about it. [The women] think people will think, 'Wow, your husband would prefer to be with a man than with you—what a loser.' "
But there are tentative signs of change. Pink Space, a Beijing-based sexuality research center, started a support group for homowives earlier this year—the first of its kind in China. Zhang Beichan, a director at the China Sexology Association, thinks the homowife "problem" is shrinking. "In 2005, a TV station put out a program about gay issues, and I introduced a homowife who talked about her problems. This was one of the first times this issue was introduced to the public. It had a very big impact—some gay men still share that program with their families when they are pressured into getting married. Also, there are more and more gay men coming out of the closet, and more awareness of gay issues."
Back at the fake-marriage market, Fen Yu and his friends see themselves as the "transitional" generation. While they can't come out to their parents, they can, at least, be open about their sexuality among friends, go to gay bars, and date. "For the generation after ours, it might be easier," he says, "Our parents have no idea what homosexuality is. It's very difficult, because it's just opening up."
If Fen becomes a father, his will be a different approach: "I might not be able to tell my parents," he says, "but when my child grows up, I will tell them the real story about why it happened and who I am."
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Black Death and the Seeds of Bigotry
Bigotry, at least to me, can be divided into two distinct groups, those whose hatred of the GLBT is bone deep and unwavering, and those who can only be called "learned ignorant". While I hold out no hope for the hatred group, I do feel that the learned ignorant group holds the key to GLBT civil rights. Much of their "knowledge" about the GLBT comes from the tainted well source for the bdh's(bone deep haters) . How can we expect the L.L.(learned ignorance) to vote for our rights, to accept us as we are, unless we teach them the truth?
Let's go to the root of the hatred tree, that gay men are out there, waiting for their chance to molest their children. Where did this idea spring from? No, believe it or not it didn't spring from the overheated minds of the B.D.H.'s, it came from our distant past, but through the intervening centuries, things became a bit garbled to say the least. In ancient Greece, and later in the Roman Empire, it was common practice for adult men to have sex with teens, both male and female. The highest, purest love, in those ancient times, was between men, not between men and women. For the most part in those days, women were really only there for procreation purposes. They had no civil rights, and were property of their husbands. Men bonded with each other, emotionally and physically, and while I'm sure some men did the same with their wives, this bond was seen as being on a separate plain.
While sex between men was socially acceptable, there was unacceptable and in some instances unforgivable actions between men. The active partner was called the "lover" the passive one was termed the "beloved". It was unacceptable for adult men to be the "beloved". Any adult man who was known to be a "beloved" lost social standing, could be fined, or in extreme cases, put to death. It was the male teens who became the adults "beloved", because of their youth this was acceptable. These teen boys were taken under the wing of their "lover" learning about business, the world at large, and often completing their education under their "lover's" fond eye. Fathers would take their sons to places where they could catch the eye of a well placed man, hoping to place their sons with someone that could allow them to reach a higher status, or wealth.
Sex with children was considered as abhorrent then as it is now. Once a child of either sex started puberty, they were seen as possible sex partners. Around 12-13 a child of either sex was seen as a sexual being, and if you think back to yourself about this time, isn't this when you really started to think about sex? I think in some ways the society was much more honest about sex than it is now. There was a firm line where sexual interest was acceptable or very unacceptable. And through the long years from then to now, this socially understood line was lost, only leaving the memory of men having sex with children.
The Roman Catholic church believed that all sexual contact was immoral, yes all. There was only one thing that made sex acceptable at all in the eyes of the church was for procreation purposes. Any sex act that couldn't result in a child being conceived was considered a sin. Spilling seed without a womb to absorb it was sinful, no matter what sex the partner was. In trying to demonstrate to their congregation the chaos of unrestrained sex could cause a person to do, sex with children was drug out into the light of day. And if a man would rather spill his seed in such a sinful manner, what's to stop him from doing this with children, or animals, or even to himself? During this time period, men were having sex with each other and for the most part society left them alone. Then came the Black Plague, and life in Europe changed forever.
The plague came in waves over a hundred year period, with a fresh wave about every 20 years or so. Because no one understood what was going on, it was laid at the church's doorstep to explain matters. The church's answer was this was a plague from God cleaning out the sinners, obviously God didn't care about innocent victims in his rush to "cleanse" the earth of sin. This is where the first seeds of antisemitism came from, as the Jews were harried from country to country. City run brothels were closed down, as were tanners, butchers and men having sex with men. By the time they had gotten to the bottom of the sinner pile, the plague had passed and life slowly resumed in as normal a manner as possible. Until the next wave hit, and the carousel of hate would wind up again. This is where today's belief came from that God hates gays, and that gay men desire sex with children.
Oh? The other unforgivable item in ancient times? Yeah, you're going to just love this. In the gay world what is one of the biggest sins a guy can commit? You guessed it, being a feminine man. Being feminine in Rome could get one fined, flogged and banished from the city, or in extreme cases the ultimate punishment, death. So that hatred of feminine gay guys is unfortunately historical, isn't it about time we let that one go?
Let's go to the root of the hatred tree, that gay men are out there, waiting for their chance to molest their children. Where did this idea spring from? No, believe it or not it didn't spring from the overheated minds of the B.D.H.'s, it came from our distant past, but through the intervening centuries, things became a bit garbled to say the least. In ancient Greece, and later in the Roman Empire, it was common practice for adult men to have sex with teens, both male and female. The highest, purest love, in those ancient times, was between men, not between men and women. For the most part in those days, women were really only there for procreation purposes. They had no civil rights, and were property of their husbands. Men bonded with each other, emotionally and physically, and while I'm sure some men did the same with their wives, this bond was seen as being on a separate plain.
While sex between men was socially acceptable, there was unacceptable and in some instances unforgivable actions between men. The active partner was called the "lover" the passive one was termed the "beloved". It was unacceptable for adult men to be the "beloved". Any adult man who was known to be a "beloved" lost social standing, could be fined, or in extreme cases, put to death. It was the male teens who became the adults "beloved", because of their youth this was acceptable. These teen boys were taken under the wing of their "lover" learning about business, the world at large, and often completing their education under their "lover's" fond eye. Fathers would take their sons to places where they could catch the eye of a well placed man, hoping to place their sons with someone that could allow them to reach a higher status, or wealth.
Sex with children was considered as abhorrent then as it is now. Once a child of either sex started puberty, they were seen as possible sex partners. Around 12-13 a child of either sex was seen as a sexual being, and if you think back to yourself about this time, isn't this when you really started to think about sex? I think in some ways the society was much more honest about sex than it is now. There was a firm line where sexual interest was acceptable or very unacceptable. And through the long years from then to now, this socially understood line was lost, only leaving the memory of men having sex with children.
The Roman Catholic church believed that all sexual contact was immoral, yes all. There was only one thing that made sex acceptable at all in the eyes of the church was for procreation purposes. Any sex act that couldn't result in a child being conceived was considered a sin. Spilling seed without a womb to absorb it was sinful, no matter what sex the partner was. In trying to demonstrate to their congregation the chaos of unrestrained sex could cause a person to do, sex with children was drug out into the light of day. And if a man would rather spill his seed in such a sinful manner, what's to stop him from doing this with children, or animals, or even to himself? During this time period, men were having sex with each other and for the most part society left them alone. Then came the Black Plague, and life in Europe changed forever.
The plague came in waves over a hundred year period, with a fresh wave about every 20 years or so. Because no one understood what was going on, it was laid at the church's doorstep to explain matters. The church's answer was this was a plague from God cleaning out the sinners, obviously God didn't care about innocent victims in his rush to "cleanse" the earth of sin. This is where the first seeds of antisemitism came from, as the Jews were harried from country to country. City run brothels were closed down, as were tanners, butchers and men having sex with men. By the time they had gotten to the bottom of the sinner pile, the plague had passed and life slowly resumed in as normal a manner as possible. Until the next wave hit, and the carousel of hate would wind up again. This is where today's belief came from that God hates gays, and that gay men desire sex with children.
Oh? The other unforgivable item in ancient times? Yeah, you're going to just love this. In the gay world what is one of the biggest sins a guy can commit? You guessed it, being a feminine man. Being feminine in Rome could get one fined, flogged and banished from the city, or in extreme cases the ultimate punishment, death. So that hatred of feminine gay guys is unfortunately historical, isn't it about time we let that one go?
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Mormons; The Other White Meat by religiousantagonist
Hey everyone this is Mike the Religious Antagonist … Biki and I have been messaging the last few days and I was asked to write a short intro to one of my videos for his Blog “You Could Have it So Much Better.”
I do a religious satire channel on youtube called the “Religious Antagonist,” and I think my latest videos sparked some interest from our beloved blog-master.
Certainly being no friend to the LGBT movement, the crimes against the LDS church run the gamut from bad taste and murder to justifying theological racism. The swipes that I take at the Mormons in my latest video (in my opinion) are perfectly defensible.
I hope that everyone enjoys the video below for what it is…a light-hearted teasing of a serious issue. We as a society have a long way to go for social justice; so let’s never forget the wrongs that have been committed against the progressive movement. However, we must also be willing to forgive those same wrongs or we will end up just as guilty as them.
Religiousantagonist channel
at Youtube.
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