You Could Have It So Much Better

The Crazy Watering Can

2011-12-31T01:17:00.001-08:00

Steve, "35 Years of Prayer Couldn't get rid of my homosexuality"

2011-12-20T03:02:00.000-08:00

Meet Steve, a happy coupled gay man who had to leave the Mormon church to find peace and happiness in his life. Going against everything that he was told, he was surprised to find that he didn't lose anything, but gained ever so much more. Steve goes thru a wide range of emotions telling his story, his tale will lead you to tears and leave you smiling. Watch, tear up, and smile at his triumph in life.

The important thing to remember is that WE can make our lives better by living true to our hearts. While your mind is dark and locked into a prison of I can't be LBGT, and you just want to wake up one morning and have it all be a horrid dream, unfortunately it doesn't work that way. And that is ok, I know it doesn't feel that way now, but it will be, if you let it. Yes, you might lose some family members, and some friends, but if they can't respect the real you, then how good of friends were they to begin with? I've told all of my friends, and so far have only lost one. No, I haven't told my kids, if I get to the point where transition is the only way to continue living, then I will sit them down and talk to them about it. I've done the hard work, and I've decided if I tell them and they can't accept me, then it's my fault for raising narrow minded humans.

Take a breath and remember, you are not alone, no dear friend you are really not alone.

If you enjoy this, there are many more "My name is ____ and I'm an Ex Mormon videos.

Gay Baby, A Short Film

2011-12-08T15:41:00.000-08:00

Funny, sweet, filled with stereotypes, but perfect. If only every dad of a gay son had such an angel to guide him through the maze of what a raising a gay son is about. Enjoy!

Merry Turkey Day!

2011-11-24T02:16:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

It seems as if we mostly only hear gloom and doom in our daily life. The cable news networks seem to enjoy breaking our hearts with daily stories of rapes, murders and worse. I'm not sure why bad news is such a draw over happier, uplifting stories. Could it be that we are that jaded? Or is our daily life so devoid of joy, that we really can only bear to see people worse off than us?

Hmmm…….what I think is really going on, is that big horrid occurrences DO draw in the viewers, but the day to day updates on a missing person or murder trials seems more like a reality show. We turn in to see what's up with the hunt for the missing human, or to see how the prosecution is doing against the lawyers for the defense, and somehow thru the medium of the tv, it looses its 'realness' and becomes little different than "Big Brother" or "Survivor". Both are similar really, they both have their 'villains' their 'heroes' and of course a winner that we hash over days after that current cycle of the show ends. But, today I'm doing a happy story, a true story, a story that needs a wider audience, because this man is a shining star indeed.

Jimmy Creech was a United Methodist minister, yes past tense, he is an unsung hero of the trenches of fighting hand to hand for marriage rights for all Americans, and for his unrepentant fight he was defrocked. Jimmy felt the pull to be a pastor, he loved nothing more than holding his parishioners hands and hearts in their time of need, spreading the God he knew, which was a God of love and of peace. This is a man who lives the word of God, no shilly shalling about, he believes what he preaches.

Like most people who don't realize they know LGBTQ humans, Jimmy was typical in his blindness to their daily struggles to live a 'normal' life. While in his office one fine morning one of his flock came into his office saying how he was finished with the Methodist church. How Adam refused to support or attend a church that hated him. Jimmy calmed him down and pulled the reason out of him. This is what drove 'Adam' from his church of birth;

"The United Methodist Church does not condone the practice of homosexuality and consider this practice incompatible with Christian teaching. We affirm that God’s grace is available to all. We will seek to live together in Christian community, welcoming, forgiving, and loving one another, as Christ has loved and accepted us. We implore families and churches not to reject or condemn lesbian and gay members and friends. We commit ourselves to be in ministry for and with all persons." (1)

Adam's grief and anger ripped the blinders from Jimmy's eyes, and he began a spiritual quest to seek the answers. This is a quest that began in 1984 and still continues to this day. At one of his church trials, this is what Jimmy had to say about how he felt that God, the bible and his faith intersect;

"It is my belief that the position taken by The United Methodist Church regarding same-gender unions, as well as that regarding "the practice" of homosexuality, is wrong, unjust, discriminatory and inconsistent with the spirit of Christ and our Wesleyan and Methodist traditions…"

"Sexual orientation is not a moral issue; it is morally neutral. Sexual ethics are simple: sexual relationships should be mutual, non-exploitative, nurturing and loving. What is immoral are unequal, exploitative, abusive and unloving sexual acts toward another person. This is true regardless of the orientation of the persons involved. I believe that sexual activity which is considered moral when practiced by two people of different genders, is no less moral when practiced by two people of the same gender. The crucial test is whether the activity is mutual, non exploitative, nurturing and loving.

I believe that the sin of heterosexism is no less a sin than that of racism. While some of the dynamics may be different, they are fundamentally identical in nature as an expression of a dominate culture over another.

Just as it was the church in the South that perpetuated racism so that slavery and white supremacy could have legitimacy, the Christian church has been responsible, more than any other institution, for perpetuating the sin of heterosexism as a form of control over what is feared within all of us: the mystery of human sexuality and intimacy (sexual or non-sexual) with persons of the same gender.

Because of the heterosexism taught and practiced by the institution of the Christian church, countless young people have committed suicide, adults have lived lifetimes of lies, families have been destroyed, gay men and lesbians have been cruelly treated and murdered, the spirit and lives of millions of gay people have been crippled, and they have been told that the love of God is denied to them because of who they are, and will continue to be unless they become other than who they are.."(2)

This is a man who loved being a pastor, who loved ministering to his flock, and worked hard at his job, who took a pay decrease when times were tough at his church. Even though he lost one church due to his stance on believing, no strike that, he knew that God and Jesus loved all of his children, gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual and transgender, that Jesus would have welcomed all into his church, and allowing all to marry. After getting a chance at a new church, Jimmy didn't blanch or hedge his bets, he carried on, trying to make the new church more inclusive, more open to lgbt humans, causing the church to split in two factions, the group that grew to understanding that God loved all humans no matter of their sexuality, and the group that lives in the past with hate and bigotry.

Jimmy's work caused him to lose this new church, and later be defrocked, which for a man who believes in God and his church was wrenching, but once he stepped off the curb and marched in his first gay pride parade, carrying a banner saying that God loved all his children, he never looked back, never wavered, never changed his stance, his tone, his belief.

If you 'know' me, you'll pick up quite quickly that I'm not a religious person. I was raised going to church on Sundays, summer bible school and the whole 9 yards. Even as a small person however, I saw the hypocrisy in singing, "Jesus loves me this I know, for the bible tells me so" and then listening to the 'pastor's' hate filled preaching, at that point in time, the hate was spewed towards the blacks. This was the time period of the race riots, freedom marches and the beginning of desegregation of schools.

I lived in an apartment complex that primarily served military families, I was the only kid in our square whose daddy wasn't in the military. I had friends who were black, who were half asian, latino, heck it didnt matter to me what color they were, still doesn't. We were a rainbow, and got along great with each other. From making mud pies, to playing pick up games of football, racing around on our bikes, and sharing lunches, and following the mail man every single day all of us talking to him at once, I knew these kids were no different from me. The flyleaf of my children's bible was Jesus surrounded by children, and they were from all over the world. I remember laying on the floor one sweltering hot summer day, (this is when only the rich had air conditioning!) and looking at my bible, and remembering the 'message' from the previous Sunday, and I couldn't get what I knew to be true, and what a man of "God" said about blacks.

So began my quest for answers. No one was safe from my questioning, and I never did receive an answer that satisfied me. And as the young and innocent will often do, I came to my own conclusions, I was right, the adults were wrong, God did love us all, even the stupid.

Give Jimmy's book a try, and see if he doesn't make you feel just a wee bit better that not every christian in the whole world hates the lgbt humans, and gives you hope that times are a changing.

"Adam's Gift: A Memoir of a Pastor's Calling to Defy the Church's Persecution of Lesbians and Gays"

376 pages

Publisher: Duke University Press books (March 14, 2011)

Hardcover from Amazon.com is 19.77

Kindle version from Amazon is 16.47

(1) United Methodist Church doctrine

(2) Adam's Gift by Jimmy Creech (i'm sorry i cant give you the page number, my copy is a kindle book)

It's all about love, yeah?

Hope your thanksgiving was a happy day filled with laughter and hugs.

Sex and the gay/bi man

2011-11-09T18:54:00.001-08:00

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Out of the Pocket

2011-10-12T19:14:00.000-07:00

Out of the Pocket is a fantastic book written by sports writer Bill Konigsberg, who came out in 2002 and shortly thereafter left ESPN.

Bobby Framingham is the star quarterback in his senior year of high school, and he has a secret, he's gay. Its beginning to eat away at him, the jokes, the expectations of his sorta kinda girlfriend. In a weak/brave moment he comes out to one of his good friends on the football team, who tells two other people, and at that point Bobby's life begins a slow spiral downhill.

If you don't like football, this book will not be a good fit for you, as you follow Bobby thru his senior football season, and a great deal of the book deals with football. Bill has written a very likable character in Bobby, he seems like a fella you'd want to be friends with. And that's one thing that made this book so enjoyable, besides the wonderfully written sports scenes, is just how likable the main characters are. There are a few guys on the team that are total douches, but they aren't the norm. My only complaint with the book is how easily the majority of the school accepts Bobby as being gay. Could it be that's all it takes is for someone that is at the top of the social heap to come out? I don't know, no clue on this.

Dutton Books 2008
264 pages
available both in print and kindle

If you do enjoy sports, take a click and visit Outsports. On the main page today is several profiles of college athletes who have come out as gay. The day of needing to be closeted to play in major league sports is coming to an end.

LGBT History Month

2011-10-10T19:35:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd celebrate history month a bit differently, and showcase books written by lbgt authors. Todays offering is the first transgender book I read, written by Jamison Green. When Jamison first began his quest to fulfill his need to match his inner self with his outer self he found that there was no community of transpeople. Why? At that time the therapists all told trans folk, to fade away into society and blend in after transition. F2M's have a much easier time of blending in than do the M2F's, and f2m's dont have the onus of being "a guy in a dress" meme. The more feminine of us pass quite convincingly as male, but not always as straight males.

James talks about his girl-hood, his life as a lesbian, and how on his quest to become a whole person, lost both his wife and community, as most of his lesbian friends were not very supportive of his transition. He touches fairly lightly on his hurt feelings from this time period, but you can tell it cut deep from how he writes about this time period.

I was luckily enough to share a breakfast with him last January when I traveled to Boston for the trans conference. His speech the night before was amazing. He is warm, caring and seemingly nonjudgmental. If you get a chance to hear him talk, go he is a great public speaker.

Why should you, a non-transgendered human read this book? It will help you to better understand what being transgender is, and how some of us are so insistent about matching our inner selves with our outer selves that we are prepared to lose all to be a whole person. If only I were that brave.....

This book made me feel that I wasn't alone, that I wasn't weird or odd, and gave me a community if only thru print and web. It was this book that helped me to come to terms with who I am, and pushed me into attending the trans conference. Jamison helped usher me into my identity as a trans human, and that it was ok, it really was. Going to the trans conference was very stressful, however like anything that is hard allowed me the chance to grow as a trans man. The most important thing I learned at that conference wasn't learned in any of the seminars; there is more than one way to express one's trans-ness, and all of them are correct.

As of now, 'Becoming a Visible Man' is only available in print, not on kindle. Hopefully that will soon change.

264 pages
Vanderbilt University Press, 2004

I.P.V.

2011-09-13T20:48:00.000-07:00

Intimate Partner Violence

Partner abuse comes slipping into the relationship quietly. The abuse slowly ebbs and flows over a period of time, until one day you realize you are neck deep in an abusive situation. A sharp word here, a put down there, a slow eroding of you, that begins without notice but carries on until you doubt your own worth, or that you do deserve to be treated with kindness and consideration.

Partner abuse is something as common in gay, bi, and lesbian relationships as it is in the straight world, but it's largely ignored in the glbt communities. We need to start talking about it, need to fill the gaps our knowledge that, yes, this occurs, and, hopefully, as marriage equality spreads through our country, the police and court systems will finally catch up. It's taken them quite a bit to catch up to men being abused by their wives, but better late than never, yeah?

An abuser is an abuser, no matter what the relationship looks like: m/f, f/f, m/m, or trans/partner. It seems that partner abuse has very few differences from the straight world to the glbt world. The only big difference is the potential threat of being outed, should the partner being abused seek help. Often that is one of the threats the abuser will use against you. "I'll tell your (parents, work, etc)". And so you stay, for more eroding of your self confidence, more bruises, and a continuing downward spiral of isolation from family and friends.

Emotional abuse means that your needs are never an important consideration, ever. He always comes first: his wants, his desires, him, him, him. He's always too busy, too tired, too broke, needs money for something he needs right this minute, etc.; you will just have to wait for him to be not be busy, tired, broke etc, etc, in other words, you will be in waiting in line, for it to be your turn for the rest of your life.

He tells you how lucky you are that he stays with you. You're unworthy of love and affection; he is doing you a favor by staying. After a while, you begin to believe him; you are so lucky he stays with worthless you.

"You're not really going to wear that, are you? You need to lose weight, get something done with what passes for hair, get some sun, shave/grow appropriate body hair, etc, etc."

It's a constant run down on your looks and what you wear. Of course, some of your "flaws" are things that aren't fixable, like the fact your hair is defecting from the kingdom of your head. So, you go on a diet, pour lotions and potions on your head, tan, gain weight, etc.; anything to please him and hope for some kind words.

He cuts you down in front of his friends, his family, your family, anyone, and everyone. He tells you, and anyone that will listen, how stupid you are. He blows normal mistakes into huge stories that make you appear a complete buffoon. Until you get to the point where you are afraid to open your mouth, voice an opinion, or want to visit with your family and any friends you still have left. At that moment in time, he has won, he now has a slave that will never tell him no. Emotional abuse is hardest to get past. The self doubt that was planted into you, will never fully be weeded from you. It takes constant weed whacking to believe that you do deserve better, you are worthy of a loving relationship, your needs do matter, they don't need to come last, you may take a turn at being first in line!

Sexual abuse is never about sex, but about power, the taking of it. Forcing you to engage in sexual acts you aren't comfortable doing, forcing you to have sex period, is abusive. With holding sex can also be a part of the abuse cycle, but that is usually hand cuffed to physical put downs as to why he wont have sex with you. It doesn't matter one nano gram at all if you begin the sexual encounter being a willing partner, only to later changing your mind. You are allowed to change your mind, you are allowed to say NO! at any point during sex. If he tells you "I was to worked up to quit!" Well then, he is no better than an animal, yeah? Sex is about giving and sharing, not taking and forcing. For the vast majority of us, sex isn't about causing pain in our partners, isn't forcing them to do something they don't want to do. However, having said that, we need to contrast abusive sex with BDSM, which are two completely different animals. Because at the bottom of a BDSM relationship is trust, safe words and most importantly, this is something that both partners want, they know each others limits, and just how far they want and can be pushed; which is not what sexual abuse is like at all.

Physical abuse starts with a slap, and apology and then a "honeymoon" period. As time flows by however the physical abuse ramps up, the honeymoon periods shorten, and it takes less and less for him to strike you, and the physical abuse gets more and more intense, doing ever greater damage. You can't muck about with this, you need to get out and now.

Leaving is often when it becomes very dangerous to your life. No matter how badly you have been beaten before, after you leave is when his rage becomes unhinged. Before you leave, you need to do some ground work first, you need an exit plan, and it has to be fool proof. If you can't get any relief from the police/courts, then its going to be all up to you as to how to get out safely and stay alive. It might take you a few weeks, a month or so to get your ducks lined up, but take the time to do so. The only way to flee without a safety net, is if you fear for your life Now! Then by all means RUN RUN RUN! Don't wait to pack anything, just flee for your life. Everything is replaceable except you. There are shelters out there for men, and many will take in GLBT. If you live in a very small community where there are no shelters for anyone except women, then you are going to need to get creative at a point in your life when your creative jug is empty. If nothing else, drive as far as you are able to, and stay in a hotel, do not stay local, get as much distance between you and him.

Your family members. Speaking as a mother, no matter how long its been since you've been able to be with them, they will most likely take you in. Don't call ahead, just show up. If they are the closed minded sort who when you came out to them they threw you away, give them a second chance. They might hate the fact that they lost you, but didn't want to lose "face" by trying to contact you again. And lets be honest, if you're not out to them and you are over the age of 30, and have had male "room mates" since you left home/college, believe me they know. Take a chance and go to them, give them a chance to be a wonderful parent. If that door is firmly closed? Then try your friends, yes the ones who no longer call you, because he pushed them out of your life. We are talking life or death here, only the most callus of people would turn you away in your time of need.

Resources: If you know of others in your area, please add them to the comment section.

For USA http://gmdvp.org/

       and        http://www.batteredmen.com/bathelpnatl.htm

New York City   http://www.nyc.gov/html/ocdv/html/issues/lesbian.shtml

Massachusetts http://www.fenwayhealth.org/site/PageServer?pagename=FCHC_srv_services_vrp_Resources

Los Angles   http://www.lagaycenter.org/site/PageServer?pagename=YH_DV_Family_Violence_Partner_Abuse

North Carolina   http://www.projectrainbownet.org/resources.html

For Canadians   http://www.gaypartnerabuseproject.org/

For Australians http://www.anothercloset.com.au

International resource list   http://www.safe4all.org/resource-list/index?category=3

If you are a woman, and are facing domestic violence, please understand I don't think lightly of your plight, only that there are very few resources for battered men and even less available for gay men. People "get" that women are all to often victims of ipv, but less likely to think men can be and are victims of people they love.

I'm back, and a fun video

2011-08-30T02:29:00.000-07:00

Hi,

Yeah, tis been a while since I last posted. Sorry about that, had a lot on my mental and physical plate lately, and some things just got pushed onto the back burner. And as you can tell, this blog was one of them.

The news on the glbt front has been rather mixed lately, some very hopeful, some ever so not. Ding dong the wicked DADT is soon to be an entry on the misguided law page. And while I couldnt be happier to have gays and lesbians the right to serve our country, once again transgender folks were left without a place at the table of civil rights. It seems that every time glbt issues come up, the only way for gays and lesbians to get a slice of the civil rights pie is to throw the trans folk under the bus. And I get that, I really do, when the piece of the pie is so incredibly small, it does cause the mentality of "every person for themselves" sinking ship kinda thing.

Tonight while chatting with Newleaf, he asked me had I seen this video, and when I told him no, he sent me this link. Hopefully it will make you smile and brighen your day.

If a Married Lesbian Couple Saves 40 Teens from the Norway Massacre and No One Writes About it, Did it Really Happen?

2011-08-03T17:09:00.000-07:00

By this point, most of you have heard about the tragedy in Norway a few weeks ago when a Christian Fundamentalist* murdered 77** people and injured another 96. The story has been well-covered by International media and the mainstream press here in the US.
What you probably have not heard about is the married lesbian couple who rescued 40 teenagers during and after the bloody event. Several blogs and gay and lesbian publications are now picking up the story, but the heavy hitters who usually kill for hero stories like this, have remained silent.
The Finnish capital city’s largest daily newspaper, Helsingin Sanomat, published this account (translated from Finnish):

Hege Dalen and her spouse, Toril Hansen were near Utöyan having dinner on the opposite shore across from the ill-fated campsite, when they began to hear gunfire and screaming on the island.
“We were eating. Then shooting and then the awful screaming. We saw how the young people ran in panic into the lake,” says Dale to HS in an interview.
The couple immediately took action and pushed the boat into Lake Tyrifjorden.
Dalen and Hansen drove the boat to the island, picked up from the water victims in shock in, the young and wounded, and transported them to the opposite shore to the mainland. Between runs they saw that the bullets had hit the right side of the boat.
Since there were so many and not all fit at once aboard, they returned to the island four times.
They were able to rescue 40 young people from the clutches of the killer.
“We did not sleep last night at all. Today, we have been together and talked about the events,” Dalen said.

Please share this story and make sure people know the heroism of Hege and Toril.
Check out our follow-up to this post here: Hege & Toril: Why We Write, which addresses many of your comments and questions about this article.
*The term “Christian Fundamentalist” has been disputed greatly in both the press and the comments section below this post. According to Norwegian police investigating the massacre, Anders Behrin Breivik was a “Christian Fundamentalist” as described by the New York Times and several Norwegian sources. There is a great post from CNN, which discusses at length, the use of the term being used for Breivik.
**Thank you to readers who have provided credible sources as to the actual number of deaths from this tragedy. We originally reported that 92 had been killed, but according to Norwegian sources, the total number is at 77, with many still in the hospital.
Please Follow us on Twitter @TalkEquality

reposted from Talk Equality

And so it begins....

2011-07-17T02:38:00.000-07:00

Well good news gays, lesbians and bisexuals of America, you are no longer public enemy #1! Yup! Thats true, so get your party on. Oh, you are wondering who has taken your role as bringers of the end times, with Mr. Satan at the helm, tis the transgender population. Turns out, unbeknownst to me, that the transgeder population is now "indoctrinating" children. Well, since we can't breed to increase our population we are forced to increase our ranks by confusing wee children into believing they are trans.

A word of caution before you read the article below, this is full on hate speech and is hard to stomach.

The Transgender Indoctrination of our Children

Posted on July 15, 2011 by mightytimbo

This week, Focus on the Family reported something that is becoming decreasingly shocking:

In Sweden, apparently “the staff of a preschool is no longer using pronouns like “he” or “she” when referring to students”. The report states: “The preschool’s approach to gender is a reflection of Sweden’s national school curriculum that includes the mission of breaking down gender roles. For example, when playing “house,” teachers suggest students role play with two or three taking the role of “mom.”
These attempts at social engineering—impacting kids directly—aren’t just happening overseas. An Oakland elementary school recently spent two days on “Gender Spectrum Diversity Training.” Their reading list for second and third graders includes My Princess Boy and 10,000 Dresses, in which boy characters wear tiaras and magical dresses.”

As a parent I am horrified. As a person I am disgusted. As a Christian I am broken hearted. And as someone with any sense of logic and reason I am thoroughly irritated.

Let’s work backwards. Why as a person of logic and reason? Because this whole notion that gender is subjective and can be decided is insanity. I’m not being extreme. To believe with conviction that you are something that you are not, and to act upon that fantasy is a clinical definition of insanity – only in the case of gender confusion it has become acceptable.

For example, if a person believed they were mistakenly born a human and should have been born a cow or any other barnyard animal, then proceeded to live their life as such they would be given massive amounts of Thorazine and locked in a rubber room. When (and I mean when, because this happens) a person falls into the delusion (not the word delusion) that they are not in fact who they are but rather a famous historical figure (i.e. Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Edison, etc…) they are treated for psychiatric problems.

However, when a person is born as a man (which by the way, you can tell simply by looking) and they claim they were wrongly born that way and that they are actually a woman “on the inside”, how does that make them any less insane than the “cow man” or “modern Abraham Lincoln”. Why isn’t he given counseling and just told to look in his pants? Rather, these people are given permission to carry their delusion to the farthest extreme and actually adopt it via surgical procedure. What’s next? Do we so udders on cow man? Or perhaps start milking cow woman as she stands on all fours simply because she believes it’s what she was made to do? Does it sound like these questions are crossing the line? Why these questions and not the idea of the perversion of gender? It’s clinical insanity.

As a Christian, I’m broken hearted, and I disagree. Why? Because the bible says in Romans 9 “But who are you, a human being, to talk back to God? “Shall what is formed say to the one who formed it, ‘Why did you make me like this?’” Psalm 139 says “I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”& “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.” Jeremiah 1 says ““Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;” The Bible goes on and on and on about how God makes each one of us exactly how he wants us. He didn’t screw up. He didn’t mess up. If you’re struggling with where you are, then it’s just that, a struggle, and guess what, we all have struggles. But that doesn’t change what you are, it just means you’ve got some things to work through just like everybody else in this world, it doesn’t mean you spit in the face of your creator. To reject your gender is to reject your God. (Don’t forget Deut 22:5, 1Cor 11:3-15, and 1 Cor 14:40 that deal with dressing like a transvestite)

As a person I am disgusted that anyone would subject children to the kind of brainwashing that teaches them that aberrant and insane behavior is not only acceptable but should be encouraged in their own lives. If “Cow-man” exists, then fine. We don’t hate him for it. We love him and offer him the psychological treatment he needs to re-enter society. We certainly don’t teach our children that “if they set their minds to it they can be anything they want, including a cow, producing milk and fertilizer and living naked in a barn with all the other cows and even take a cow as a wife!” That would be a horrific thing to teach a child. So is indoctrinating them with the idea that they aren’t, or don’t necessarily have to be, the human being they were created as. To do that is literally to sexually assault a child and it should be treated as such a crime.

As a parent I am horrified because, I have a young son, and for all of the reasons listed above it petrifies me to realize that I have to raise him in a world where every day is “opposite day” – where insanity is not even normal, but now even taught as proper education. I will raise my son to know that God created him with a clear purpose in mind and that and that he was designed exactly as God would have him to be. My son will know what it means to be a real man, how to have strength of character & integrity, how to respect women, lead his family, love his wife unconditionally, and most of all serve God.

posted at http://apologeticsblogger.wordpress.com/2011/07/15/the-transgender-indoctrination-of-our-children/

Lube Safety for Rectal Use by Jake Weinraub

2011-05-26T22:51:00.000-07:00

The International Rectal Microbicide Advocates (IRMA) recently released a study examining the effect of lubricants on rectal tissue. They ran an internet-based survey in six languages, receiving 8,945 responses highlighting behaviors and attitudes around anal intercourse, condom use, lube use, as well as acceptability of rectal microbicides if they were on the market.
IRMA shares that lubricants, as well as anal sex, enemas, and douching cause some level of inflammation in the rectum, most of which occurs naturally and repairs itself within minutes or hours.
Knowing this, IRMA builds off existing science to better examine levels of inflammation and damage that are a result of AI alone, without lubes, and with lubes.

Key Findings:

Many water-based lubes (such as Astroglide, ID, KY Jelly, and Elbow Grease) are hyperosmolar, meaning they have a higher concentration of soluble components than normal cells in the body, "sucking" away water from inside vaginal/rectal cells, making them shrink in size. A question for IRMA is whether or not this damage is a factor relating to HIV infection risk.

Out of the 41 lubricants examined,

Most of the lubricants were found to be hyperosmolar.
KY Jelly, ID Glide, Elbow Grease, and Astroglide are similarly toxic for cells, cell lines, and tissues, with Astroglide being the most toxic.
PRE and Wet Platinum appear to cause the least damage.
None of the lubricants have show any significant activity against HIV-1.
Four Astriglide lubricants actually significantly enhanced HIV-1 replication in vitro.

While water-based lubes don't look great, there are questions of how this translates into real-world use and real-world risk, where factors such as timing, frequency, saliva, accessibility, and condom/lubricant regulation all come into play. There is also the question of IRMA advocating for anal sex without lubricant, which would be painful and unrealistic, so they hope to find out which are the safest.
Bottom line: more research is urgently needed to explore if there is a link between lube use and acquiring HIV and/or rectal STI's.
In the meantime, IRMA reiterates that "using male or female condoms is still considered the best way to prevent acquiring HIV and STIs during AI. In addition, the use of condom-compatible lubes has been associated with a decreased risk of condoms breaking or slipping."
These studies will inevitably inform the development of rectal microbicides, a cream or gel (or potentially a douche or an enema) that could be inserted vaginally or rectally and used to reduce a person's risk of HIV infection. IRMA chair Jim Pickett shared with Bilerico in 2008 that rectal microbicides represent a viable option when condoms fail or when their use cannot be easily negotiated.
For more information on the study, check out IRMA's May 18 presentation. Here is a link to their slides.

Found at Bilerico May 22, 2011

Gay Marriage With Chinese Characteristics by Nicola Davison

2011-04-27T18:56:00.000-07:00

A visit to a Shanghai fake-marriage market, where lesbians and gay men meet to find a husband or wife.

SHANGHAI, China—"I'm here to find a lesbian, to be with me and to build a home," No. 11 says to the crowd clustered on floor cushions at a sunlit yoga studio in Shanghai. No. 11 is a muscular man in a flannel shirt and cargo pants, and he easily commands the attention of the crowd of 40 or so young men and women who are gingerly sipping glasses of wine and whispering to their neighbors.
"In my view, a 30-year-old man should start thinking about having a family, but two men can't hold each other's hands in the street. We're not allowed to be a family," he says. The crowd nods.

I'm at a fake-marriage market, where Chinese lesbians and gay men meet to find a potential husband or wife. In China, the pressure to form a heterosexual marriage is so acute that 80 percent of China's gay population marries straight people, according to sexologist Li Yinhe, a professor at the Chinese Academy of Social Sciences. To avoid such unions, six months ago, Shanghai's biggest gay Web site, inlemon.cn, started to hold marriage markets once a month.

Thirty minutes earlier, I triple-checked the address scrawled in my notebook. The studio—located in a high-rise apartment complex—seems an unlikely spot for a fake-marriage market. "The boss of the yoga studio is very kind to us," says Fen Ye, my guide. Slipping off my shoes at the doorway, I pad up stairs lined with Buddhas in the red plastic flip-flops provided. When Fen slides open a door to reveal men and women chatting quietly, conversation falters. "They weren't expecting a foreigner," he whispers, adding, "and don't tell anyone you're a reporter. I'll just say you're my lesbian friend." He bustles me to a cushion on the floor and hands me a glass of Chinese red wine.

Precautions are necessary for an event like this. Though there are an estimated 30 million to 40 million gay people in China—there has been no official count—even simple actions such as trying to access Wikipedia's "LGBT" page often result in a "This webpage is not available" message. Chinese society has adopted a "don't ask, don't tell" policy. A 2007 survey by Li Yinhe found that 70 percent of Chinese people think homosexuality is either "a little" or "completely" wrong, and only 7.5 percent of respondents said they knew a gay person.

While past generations buried their sexuality in straight marriages, the people gathered at the yoga studio are trying a new approach. No. 8 (the men sport numbered buttons in a pleasing shade of blue, the women's are pink), a pretty 22-year-old woman with curly dyed chestnut hair, skinny jeans, and Snoopy slippers wants a fake marriage to ease parental pressure, but she doesn't want a baby. No. 15, a strikingly tall man with side-swept bangs, says: "I want to get married for my parents, but I think lying to them will make me feel terrible. So I want to have a fake marriage with a lesbian girl, but just for one or two years, and then I want a divorce to show my parents that I am not a marriage type." There's one constant: All the participants talk about pleasing their parents.

Influential Zhou Dynasty Confucian scholar Mencius said that the "most serious" way to be unfilial is to not produce an heir. It's an idea that still reverberates through China's family-centric culture. In contemporary slang, single women over the age of 27 are known as sheng nu or "leftovers."
"I could absolutely not come out to my parents. If I could tell them I was gay, I wouldn't have needed to get married," says my guide, 30-year-old Fen, as we sit in a converted Shanghainese shikumen lane house near the popular tourist spot People's Park. We're talking about his lesbian wife, whom he met on inlemon.cn.

"I had a big, traditional Chinese wedding. It lasted for three days, and there were maybe 500 people there. My parents were so happy," says Fen, who knew his wife for seven months before they married. "In your job, in your social life, and for family gatherings, you need to bring a partner. It's hard to do these things alone in China. My grandfather and grandmother … everyone was waiting for me to get married. The wedding felt like a task I needed to accomplish, something I needed to get through step-by-step, a bit like doing homework."

For many gay men, the chance to experience parenthood—and to provide a grandchild for longing parents—is a distinct advantage of these unions. At the yoga studio marriage market, almost every man says he wants a baby, Fen included. "[On the Web site] I said that I didn't want to have a sex life with my wife—absolutely none." Although he says he and his wife are not "very good friends," they have discussed having a child. "For a baby we will maybe use artificial insemination," he says.
Past generations did things differently. The Lai Lai dancehall, in a rundown corner of Shanghai's Hongkou district, is a refuge for gay but married men. Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night, about 200 men crowd the dance floor in their mismatched suits, twirling together in the green light and cigarette smoke. When they're not dancing, they sit in groups around the edge, nursing flasks of tea, though beer is available for 75 cents a glass.

Zhang, who is 55 and married with children, goes every week. "You can find gay bars in every city, but a dancehall like this only in Shanghai," he says. While tinny speakers rattle out familiar patriotic songs, the dancing stays elegant and refined. Flirting is discreet, barely noticeable. "Older gay men feel comfortable in this place," Zhang tells me. "Because the dancehall starts early, they can go home to their families and keep it secret. Though sometimes the wives come to look for their husbands, and then other people have to persuade them that their husband is just dancing."

But 30-year-old Mu Mu knew that her husband was not "just dancing." Just after she became pregnant, Mu Mu's husband started openly dating men. "I knew he was gay before we got married," says the Shanghai resident over the phone to protect her anonymity. "But the word gay was really strange to me. I read that being gay is something you're born as, but other people said it's like a disease that can be healed. Because I loved him a lot, I hoped that maybe he would change." It wasn't until a year after the birth of their daughter, and after her husband brought home another man to live with them, that Mu Mu left him.

Mu Mu is one of China's estimated 16 million to 25 million "homowives"—or tongqi in pinyin (the word is an amalgamation of the Mandarin for gay and wife)—women who are married to gay men.
"The happiest time of our marriage was when I gave birth to our daughter," says Mu Mu. "That one week when I was in the hospital, he took care of me and the baby. Much of the rest of the time I felt abandoned."

Posted Wednesday, Feb. 9, 2011, at 10:09 AM ET
reposted from Slate
For many women, speaking out about their gay husbands is more difficult than staying in loveless marriages, but in the last few years Web-based support groups have started to form. Li, 33, is a volunteer on a homowife support forum on QQ, a Chinese social networking site. Her job involves giving advice and answering questions, and she is often the only person the homowives confide in. "The women are desperate," she explains over iced tea on a busy shopping street in central Shanghai. "At first they feel shock, and they don't know what to do, because people don't know much about gay people. They think their husband is a disturbed person."

While it's relatively easy to get divorced in China, Li says, many women stick with the marriages for complicated reasons. "Some stay because they still love their husband. He's a good person, and a good father, and they want their children to have a father," she says. Another reason is social stigma. "Most of the women can't go to their friends, they don't think they will be able to accept it or understand. Which is true. I think in China people make a moral judgment about it. [The women] think people will think, 'Wow, your husband would prefer to be with a man than with you—what a loser.' "

But there are tentative signs of change. Pink Space, a Beijing-based sexuality research center, started a support group for homowives earlier this year—the first of its kind in China. Zhang Beichan, a director at the China Sexology Association, thinks the homowife "problem" is shrinking. "In 2005, a TV station put out a program about gay issues, and I introduced a homowife who talked about her problems. This was one of the first times this issue was introduced to the public. It had a very big impact—some gay men still share that program with their families when they are pressured into getting married. Also, there are more and more gay men coming out of the closet, and more awareness of gay issues."

Back at the fake-marriage market, Fen Yu and his friends see themselves as the "transitional" generation. While they can't come out to their parents, they can, at least, be open about their sexuality among friends, go to gay bars, and date. "For the generation after ours, it might be easier," he says, "Our parents have no idea what homosexuality is. It's very difficult, because it's just opening up."

If Fen becomes a father, his will be a different approach: "I might not be able to tell my parents," he says, "but when my child grows up, I will tell them the real story about why it happened and who I am."

Black Death and the Seeds of Bigotry

2011-04-19T15:50:00.000-07:00

Bigotry, at least to me, can be divided into two distinct groups, those whose hatred of the GLBT is bone deep and unwavering, and those who can only be called "learned ignorant". While I hold out no hope for the hatred group, I do feel that the learned ignorant group holds the key to GLBT civil rights. Much of their "knowledge" about the GLBT comes from the tainted well source for the bdh's(bone deep haters) . How can we expect the L.L.(learned ignorance) to vote for our rights, to accept us as we are, unless we teach them the truth?

Let's go to the root of the hatred tree, that gay men are out there, waiting for their chance to molest their children. Where did this idea spring from? No, believe it or not it didn't spring from the overheated minds of the B.D.H.'s, it came from our distant past, but through the intervening centuries, things became a bit garbled to say the least. In ancient Greece, and later in the Roman Empire, it was common practice for adult men to have sex with teens, both male and female. The highest, purest love, in those ancient times, was between men, not between men and women. For the most part in those days, women were really only there for procreation purposes. They had no civil rights, and were property of their husbands. Men bonded with each other, emotionally and physically, and while I'm sure some men did the same with their wives, this bond was seen as being on a separate plain.

While sex between men was socially acceptable, there was unacceptable and in some instances unforgivable actions between men. The active partner was called the "lover" the passive one was termed the "beloved". It was unacceptable for adult men to be the "beloved". Any adult man who was known to be a "beloved" lost social standing, could be fined, or in extreme cases, put to death. It was the male teens who became the adults "beloved", because of their youth this was acceptable. These teen boys were taken under the wing of their "lover" learning about business, the world at large, and often completing their education under their "lover's" fond eye. Fathers would take their sons to places where they could catch the eye of a well placed man, hoping to place their sons with someone that could allow them to reach a higher status, or wealth.

Sex with children was considered as abhorrent then as it is now. Once a child of either sex started puberty, they were seen as possible sex partners. Around 12-13 a child of either sex was seen as a sexual being, and if you think back to yourself about this time, isn't this when you really started to think about sex? I think in some ways the society was much more honest about sex than it is now. There was a firm line where sexual interest was acceptable or very unacceptable. And through the long years from then to now, this socially understood line was lost, only leaving the memory of men having sex with children.

The Roman Catholic church believed that all sexual contact was immoral, yes all. There was only one thing that made sex acceptable at all in the eyes of the church was for procreation purposes. Any sex act that couldn't result in a child being conceived was considered a sin. Spilling seed without a womb to absorb it was sinful, no matter what sex the partner was. In trying to demonstrate to their congregation the chaos of unrestrained sex could cause a person to do, sex with children was drug out into the light of day. And if a man would rather spill his seed in such a sinful manner, what's to stop him from doing this with children, or animals, or even to himself? During this time period, men were having sex with each other and for the most part society left them alone. Then came the Black Plague, and life in Europe changed forever.

The plague came in waves over a hundred year period, with a fresh wave about every 20 years or so. Because no one understood what was going on, it was laid at the church's doorstep to explain matters. The church's answer was this was a plague from God cleaning out the sinners, obviously God didn't care about innocent victims in his rush to "cleanse" the earth of sin. This is where the first seeds of antisemitism came from, as the Jews were harried from country to country. City run brothels were closed down, as were tanners, butchers and men having sex with men. By the time they had gotten to the bottom of the sinner pile, the plague had passed and life slowly resumed in as normal a manner as possible. Until the next wave hit, and the carousel of hate would wind up again. This is where today's belief came from that God hates gays, and that gay men desire sex with children.

Oh? The other unforgivable item in ancient times? Yeah, you're going to just love this. In the gay world what is one of the biggest sins a guy can commit? You guessed it, being a feminine man. Being feminine in Rome could get one fined, flogged and banished from the city, or in extreme cases the ultimate punishment, death. So that hatred of feminine gay guys is unfortunately historical, isn't it about time we let that one go?

Mormons; The Other White Meat by religiousantagonist

2011-03-19T13:42:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone this is Mike the Religious Antagonist … Biki and I have been messaging the last few days and I was asked to write a short intro to one of my videos for his Blog “You Could Have it So Much Better.”

I do a religious satire channel on youtube called the “Religious Antagonist,” and I think my latest videos sparked some interest from our beloved blog-master.

Certainly being no friend to the LGBT movement, the crimes against the LDS church run the gamut from bad taste and murder to justifying theological racism. The swipes that I take at the Mormons in my latest video (in my opinion) are perfectly defensible.

I hope that everyone enjoys the video below for what it is…a light-hearted teasing of a serious issue. We as a society have a long way to go for social justice; so let’s never forget the wrongs that have been committed against the progressive movement. However, we must also be willing to forgive those same wrongs or we will end up just as guilty as them.

Religiousantagonist channel
at Youtube.

Happy Pi Day!

2011-03-14T18:51:00.000-07:00

Happy Pi Day!!

To celebrate this happy happy day, w00t!! , Pi!, here's a listing of some nifty neat geek sites in the GLBT World.

gay geeks-

Gay Geeks is a forum for (duh) gay geeks of all types to hang out, chat, debate, rant, occasionally flirt shamelessly, and just generally chill. You don't have to be a computer geek, and you don't have to "prove" how geeky you are. It's all about self-identification, peeps. Just be whatever.
We're in a crazy alpha period right now, where I randomly add new features and break old ones all the time, while getting feedback from you guys.

gay gamer - For boys who like boys who like joysticks!

teh gay geek -Tech news and info for ALL geeks. 011101000110010101101000001000000110011101100001011110010010000001100111011001010110010101101011

the gay gamer- I'm sure you can tell from the name of this blog what it's all about, but if not here's the scoop: I'm a gay guy and I like video games. I'm also a writer, and since I don't often get to write about games professionally I decided to find another outlet for my obsession. Hence, the creation of this blog.

gaymer-

When I began this site, alot of right wing gamers slammed me by saying, "Why do you need a 'Gay Gamers" site? Just be a gamer no matter who or what you are.'

In a perfect world, this would be the case however we don't live in that world.

The truth is, in the gaming community, there are some pretty staunchly homophobic players and Gaymer.org is about having fun without hearing the bashing. So I give this site to you as a safe haven where gaming is the focus, not hate.

slashdot- this is a cool place to go for the extreme geeks. This isnt an glbt site, so watch your step out there, some of these geeks are firmly homophobic.

thinkgeek- best darned geek stuff all in one neat and tidy package! toys, shirts, cube farm fun.... yes i know this is a online store, but really, the descriptions alone is worth the visit.

ok, time for cake!

A Moral Case For LDS Same-Sex Marriage by Brad Carmack

2011-03-12T15:07:00.000-08:00

I loved how he broke down the different stereotypes, one by one. Brad is obviously a deeply religious man, who after opening his heart and mind found that there isnt any difference between same sex marriage and opposite sex marriage. This man is a true christian. He needs to give lessons on how to walk in the light of God, with humility and reverence.

I for one am purchasing his book, if nothing else but to thank him for his open views.

Transgender Despair, by Charles Asher

2011-02-28T02:31:00.000-08:00

New Hampsire Speakers Claim Gay Marriage Leads To Disease, Polgamy by Carlos Santoscoy

2011-02-26T14:52:00.000-08:00

Opponents of gay marriage at a Thursday hearing in New Hampshire said they fear the institution because it leads to disease and polygamy.

Supporters of the state's year-old gay marriage law greatly outnumbered opponents during a hearing to consider two bills that aim to end the institution in the state.

According to the Nashua Telegraph, 45 people signed up in support of the bills and 545 opposed them.

One gay marriage foe told lawmakers that he was intimidated by the hundreds who showed up wearing red in support of the law.

“Many people were intimidated to come here,” the speaker said. “And by the way, for all of you dressed in red, you are very intimidating. Even to a man like me. And honestly I only have a fear of God more than I have a fear of man.”

Republican Senator Fenton Groen alleged that gay unions “significantly increase” the risk of “serious diseases” and “can be expected to significantly shorten” the lives of gay people.

Representative Alfred Baldasaro, who has previously likened gay marriage to polygamy and incest, repeated his claims.

During a 2010 hearing, the Republican said: “What about [laws] being disrespectful to sister-sister that love each other, sister-brother, sister-mom, incest, it's in there. Aren't we discriminating against all of them? What about the Muslims, now? Everyone's praising the Muslims that are killing us. What about them? They want three, four wives ...”

WTF is going on with Montana?

2011-02-23T03:14:00.000-08:00

I'm worried that what's happening in Montana is just the tip of the iceberg, but at this point, I dont think so. What's got me all fired up and worried? Read on gentle bloggers...

House committee approves bill to nullify Missoula's equality ordinance

HELENA - The Republican majority on the House Judiciary Committee approved a bill Monday that would effectively overturn Missoula's 2010 ordinance banning discrimination against city residents based on their sexual orientation and gender.
House Bill 516 by Rep. Kristin Hansen, R-Havre, now moves to the House floor for debate this week.
It would prohibit local governments from enacting ordinances or policies that seek to protect residents from real or perceived discrimination based on their sexual orientation and gender as the cities of Missoula did through an ordinance and Bozeman did through a policy.
The panel voted earlier Monday to table HB514 by Rep. Edie McClafferty, D-Butte, which would have broadened the Montana Human Rights Act to prohibit discrimination statewide based on gender identity or expression and sexual orientation. The move to table her bill came after the bill was rejected 14-6.
The state Human Rights Act now prevents discrimination based on age, marital status, national origin, physical or mental disability, political beliefs or ideas (in case of governmental services and employment rights only), race and color, religion and sex (including pregnancy, maternity and sexual harassments).
The committee's votes on both measures followed party lines, except that Rep. Liz Bangerter, R-Helena, joined Democrats in opposing HB516.
Afterward, Jamee Greer of the Montana Human Rights Network criticized the committee's decisions on the two bills.
"They have essentially made it clear that LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) Montanans are not equals and that they believe the LGBT people do not deserve the same protections as anyone else," he said.
During committee discussions, there was little debate on either bill, with Democrats doing most of the talking.
Before the vote on the McClafferty bill, Rep. Diane Sands, D-Missoula, spoke out for the bill.
"As an out member of the lesbian community, you may never have experienced discrimination based on sexual orientation, but I have," she said, adding. "In many ways, I am not your peer. I am probably the only person - well, not in this room - who can be asked to leave a restaurant, denied housing, refused to be allowed into a hotel simply because of sexual orientation.
"It is a fact that I am not protected under the law. You can go ahead and vote against this bill, which I know you will, but that's a fact, and I want to you to know the face of a person who's affected by it and it's me."
During the discussion on Hansen's bill, Sands told the committee that passing HB516 would encourage discrimination.
Hansen didn't speak Monday, but at the hearing Friday she said, "The crux of my testimony today is that I believe the Montana Human Rights Act pre-empts the city of Missoula from doing this."
Rep. Michael More, R-Gallatin Gateway, said Monday, "Are you going to do things in one city different than another city? We try to put things in contexts of the whole."
Missoulian State Bureau reporter Charles S. Johnson can be reached at (406) 447-4066 or at chuck.johnson@lee.net.
http://missoulian.com/news/local/article_365177d2-3df0-11e0-9574-001cc4c002e0.html

If this law passes, then LGBT are exposed and defenseless. I'm worried that Montana is a "test" state, to see how easy it is to pass anti-LGBT legislation. Because what ever legal ground we have manage to attain could all be washed away, state by state, with Montana showing how it's done. I'm usually a very optimistic person, but when I read this, all I saw was a empty broken glass. Between the tea baggers and the religious right, I'm afraid that life could become very different and quite quickly for our "family". If this passes, there will be no stopping them from enacting many other anti-LGBT laws, possibly culminating in outlawing homosexuality. Unless the federal government steps up and leads from the white house, with a full on war against hate, hate laws, and lack of civil rights aimed at all LGBT, then I shudder to think what our future could look like. But then, I read this....and realize that things could be even bleaker than I thought....

Gov. Schweitzer: 'Nullification' bills in Montana Legislature are 'anti-American'

HELENA - Gov. Brian Schweitzer told fellow Democrats Monday that bills advancing in the Republican-controlled Legislature to "nullify" federal laws in Montana are "anti-American" and do nothing to solve problems faced by the state.
Schweitzer, speaking to a meeting of House Democrats, said if Montanans and others disagree with federal polices, they can advocate for Congress to change them.
"But a state like Montana saying, ‘We will pick and choose which laws we will enforce?' " the governor said. "That's not the American way. ...
"Some of these (bills) are actually passing. ... The nullifying bills are anti-American."
Nearly a dozen bills to declare federal authority "null and void" or unenforceable in Montana have been introduced by Republicans at the 2011 Legislature. Some of the bills have been killed; some are still alive. (See related story.)
On Saturday, the House voted 61-39 for a bill to nullify the federal Endangered Species Act in Montana. All House Democrats and seven Republicans voted against it.
Other nullification bills and resolutions have taken aim at federal health-reform laws, food-safety legislation and the Environmental Protection Agency's authority on greenhouse gases.
One bill would set up a permanent legislative commission to review all federal law for potential nullification; a resolution endorsed Monday by a House panel says Montana can protect itself against "federal incursion" that violates personal freedoms.
Schweitzer walked unannounced into a House Democrats' meeting Monday morning and started talking about the nullification bills, saying they don't represent Montana values and "make us look like we're harkening back to the days of South Carolina" and the Civil War.
"Could you ask (Republicans) just once - Does (this) create a job?" he said. "Does it educate a child? Does it help even one disabled person?"
House Majority Leader Tom McGillvray, R-Billings, brushed off Schweitzer's comments as political theater, and said voters should judge the Republican-controlled Legislature on the work it will complete to help revitalize the economy and bring jobs to the state.
"When all is said and done, that will define what we've done here," he said.
McGillvray also said every lawmaker has the right to introduce bills important to them and their constituents, and that leadership doesn't control them or wish to restrain their enthusiasm.
"We have a lot of passionate representatives (in our caucus)," he said.
House Minority Leader Jon Sesso, D-Butte, said the federal government is "inextricably linked" to the state's economy, with Montana receiving much more in federal funds than its citizens pay in taxes.
"We've earned that money," he said. "If there's something we don't like, we need to work to change it ... not just walk away from it."
Missoulian State Bureau reporter Mike Dennison can be reached at 1-800-525-4920 or at mike.dennison@lee.net.
http://missoulian.com/news/local/article_1fc9e9ac-3e47-11e0-92b6-001cc4c03286.html

What say you? Am I jumping at mere shadows? Or do you agree with me, and things are looking very scary?

Gay Youth 'Safe Houses' remain 'hidden' in California

2011-02-14T21:19:00.000-08:00

Wow.........I had no idea that there were even such things out there. That these kids are on the run like this, afraid, without a home, without much hope really at all.

While I think fighting for civil rights, ie marriage and ENDA is very important, the needs of these kids need to be addressed. There has to be some way for these "hospitals" to be shut down, and for good. If it's a legal loophole that allows for these places to stay in business, that loophole must be changed.

These places need to be raided, all employees arrested, and the children removed to foster care, or half way houses, but NOT returned to the care of their parents. If the legal penalties were the maximum allowed by the statues, AND if the churches behind them were also taken to court, we might just see an end to this nonsense.

San Francisco to Advertise Female Condom to Gay Men by Alex Blaze

2011-02-12T16:28:00.000-08:00

The ads themselves haven't been released yet, but the Bay Area Reporter is reporting that the city of San Francisco will start a campaign for the female condom female-condom.gif(also known as the Reality condom) for men who have sex with men.

In 2009 the FDA approved a new version of the condom that was cheaper, thinner, and better-designed, and promoted it for use in vaginal sex. Such ads aren't likely to get men who have sex with men to use it since they might not know that it works for anal sex or how to use it (video after the jump - it's different from the other condoms you've met). Plus, if they keep on referring to it as the "female condom," it might make it hard to get men to use it.

That's only a year and a half after the new one was approved and over a decade after the old version was approved - you can feel the pressure to prevent an epidemic. My guess is that promoting the female condom will provide more protection than promoting, say, circumcision, but the latter gets debated back and forth and back and forth... while the former is forgotten.

It's not for everyone, some people will prefer it and some people will like the old-school condoms better, but the more effective choices for STD prevention there are out there, the better.

Dr. Phil Doesn't Want 'Confused' Boys to Play with 'Girls' Toys by Alex Blaze

2011-02-10T16:27:00.000-08:00

I don't particularly like Dr. Phil's brand of pop psychology, which is more focused on being normal than it is on being happy. No matter how many times he asks "How's that working for you?" it's fairly clear that he hardly cares if the people who ask him for help are actually happy and is more concerned with telling people to be normal based on a very American bourgeois narrative of How Life Works.

dr_phil.jpgSo no matter how many shows he does about gay teen suicide, he's going to be one of the forces promoting internalized homophobia among young people. Consider this segment from a recent show where a mom asked what to do about her son playing with girls' toys:

Robby's 5-year-old son loves to play with Barbies and prefers wearing girl's clothes. She asks Dr. Phil how to deal with this behavior, which she doesn't think is normal.[...]

Dr. Phil tells Robby that she has a job to do: "Direct your son in an unconfusing way. Don't buy him Barbie dolls or girl's clothes. You don't want to do things that seem to support the confusion at this stage of the game ... Take the girl things away, and buy him boy toys."

Most importantly, he tells Robby, "Support him in what he's doing, but not in the girl things."

It's not hard to imagine Pat Robertson saying the same thing.

Dr. Phil's style works for what he does. No one wants to actually watch a real psychologist talk to a patient for hours, discussing how to best reach the patients' goals and with no concrete advice, no finger-wagging, and no scolding. He has to have a formula to fall back on, an understanding of what people should be doing that doesn't require him to actually know much about other people's lives, and it makes for better TV.

And, surprise surprise, in the lowest common denominator world of television entertainment, the easiest narrative of normality is straight, white, Christian, and middle-class.

So while he assures the mother that her child is just going through a phase, he makes sure to tell her that it's her "job" to shame her son into acting more macho. Send him a "direct message" that he's a boy, just in case he forgot (since people have a way of just forgetting their gender like that), and a direct message that being himself is unacceptable.

The goal is not to make this boy happy. What the boy wants does not concern Dr. Phil; he neither asks about it nor does he respect what he's told the boy wants, advising the mother to steam-roll over her son's personality and force him to replace his desires with other desires.

The goal is to make the boy normal, because everyone's goal in life is to make the Dr. Phils of the world more comfortable.

Russian HIV Ad

2011-02-09T14:42:00.000-08:00

Weapon Detected from Georgy Molodtsov on Vimeo.

This ad is the best of both worlds, sexy and it gets the message across.

Injustice at Every Turn by Rea Carey

2011-02-07T17:39:00.000-08:00

When I was a young person living in Washington, D.C., in 1995, a well-known local hairstylist was driving home one night and her car hit a tree. Paramedics rushed to the scene and cut off her clothes in an attempt to provide lifesaving medical care.

When they saw that Tyra Hunter was transgender, the medic swore at Ms. Hunter and stopped all medical treatment.

Stopped all medical treatment.

Tyra Hunter died later that night, and today, the discrimination and abuse that caused Tyra Hunter’s entirely preventable death are still firmly in place. I could not help but think of Tyra when I read the following comments that are part of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force and National Center for Transgender Equality’s just-released report, "Injustice at Every Turn."

“The fear of being the victim of a hate crime has also meant that I haven't lived completely freely; I know that if people on the street knew that I was born female, I'd be at risk of violence or harassment.”

“People are suffering in my school. There are so many trans kids that just can't come out because they are afraid.”

“I have been harassed and physically assaulted on the street. One time, I didn't go to the hospital until I went home, changed [out of feminine] clothes, and then went to the emergency room in male mode. I had a broken collarbone as a result of that attack.”

These are the words of transgender and gender-nonconforming Americans, and sadly, their experiences are not uncommon. The hunger to be visible, to share experiences of harm and resiliency is notable, as this became the largest ever study of its kind. A total of 6,500 transgender and gender-nonconforming people from all 50 states and several territories shared with us their experiences of discrimination.

The data we collected was shocking. I know firsthand, from my friends and my work at the Task Force, that discrimination remains a tragic fact of life for far too many in our community. I know that if we do not act in stereotypical “male” or “female” ways, many take this nonconformity as an open invitation to harass or act violently toward us.

Even with all I have seen over the years, the picture coming out of our study is deeply disturbing. Transgender individuals live in poverty at nearly four times the national rate. They are twice as likely to be unemployed. Over 25% reported that they had lost a job due to their transgender identity. They are twice as likely to be homeless, four times more likely to be HIV-positive, and perhaps most appallingly, 41% have attempted suicide, more than 26 times the rate (1.6%) of the general population.

These are not problems that any of us who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender, or civil rights-minded, progressive, or feminist can afford to ignore.

People of color consistently experienced the greatest degree of discrimination, especially African-Americans. They had four times the unemployment rate of the nation, and had over 40 times the general population rate of HIV infection.

This must stop. Let us all make this the moment that the civil rights, progressive, feminist, and LGBT rights movements wake up and change the way we do our work. No longer can the needs of transgender and gender-variant people in our society, in our organizations, and in our communities be pushed to the side. It is literally killing people and we must work together to stop it.

While great strides have been made for equality in the last several decades, most recently with the powerful repeal of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy, the last letter in “LGBT” has simply not seen the same progress. Indeed, the successful repeal of DADT will still not allow out transgender people to serve in the military.

Sadly, even some members of the lesbian, gay and bisexual community turn our backs on transgender people. And yet our struggle is one that is shared. Each of us has a gender identity and gender expression. and those of us who diverge from the norm are subject to the same discrimination. Feminine gay men and masculine or androgynous lesbians are far more likely to be discriminated against than gay men and lesbians whose behavior and appearance conforms more to societal norms about how men and women “should” act. Simply by being gay, lesbian, or bisexual, we are breaking society’s rules about what it means to be a man or woman.

Transgender people face this same prejudice, yet taken to the life-threatening extreme. This is about all of us. For those who do not think so, I hope this information will be a wake-up call and an opportunity to examine their feelings and yes, biases, that prevent our community from uniting in the ways we must to achieve equal treatment for all of us.

This report is a clarion call to all of us, and its findings cannot be ignored. We must stand against all forms of discrimination and end injustice for all LGBT people, wherever it exists. Together, we can eliminate this prejudice and work toward a society where we are all truly free to be who we are. There is a role for each of us in reckoning with the pervasive inhumanity we’ve documented in this report.

Transgender people are discriminated against because they don’t act or look in a way that fits with conventional ideas about gender. All men, women and children – regardless of how they identify – are hurt by these rigid gender codes. They suppress authentic expression throughout our society and negatively impact relationships across gender, as family, friends, coworkers and spouses “police” acceptable gender expression.

If there was a ray of light in our study findings, it is in the resilience of transgender people and their families. Contrary to popular mythology, transgender people often maintain ties with their families of origin and their spouses, partners and children. We found that family acceptance had a protective affect against suicide, HIV, homelessness and other negative consequences of discrimination for study participants. This finding affirms what we know as advocates working on the front lines: families are enormously burdened by the hostile environments their transgender children, spouses and parents are living in, but they press on.

They often strain to find a way out of no way.

Over 1,000 people came to Tyra Hunter’s funeral in DC. Her high school shop teacher, her parents, her clients, and her big, extended family. But no medic was ever disciplined or fired because of what happened that night. This report is written to draw a line in the sand against this pervasive inhumanity in our midst.

We all need to use this opportunity to change the way we work and live to create a world that affirms the humanity of and empowers transgender people to fully participate in our society. We must all work strenuously and continuously for justice.

http://www.advocate.com/News/News_Features/Injustice_at_Every_Turn/

You can read the report yourself by googling Injustice at Every Turn. It is a PDF file.

Bigotry and inciting violence, just a normal day

2011-01-03T19:32:00.000-08:00

Transgender Man Denied A Marriage License in Oakland County: MyFoxDETROIT.com

Ok, maybe he should have gotten a new birth certificate before trying to get married. I mean he has to know the amount of bigotry loose in the world. But still he had the important piece of paper showing that he is legally a male. I found the story here. Now, I should have known that anything posted on this website would be not tolerant of GLBT people, but some of what they did say blew me away. Here are the couple that really bothered me:

Regardless of surgery the DNA chromosomal makeup remains the same either XY or XX.

She was born with a Uterus for a reason.... the same reason she was born without a peenis

“You don’t need a penls to become a man,” ???? what planet did this /diot come from ,,, even if he does not believe in g0d,,, nature says he's a fool,,, either way, he lose's

I am continually surprised by peoples stupidly, bigotry, and the ease with which we hate others that are different. Why is that? What is hard wired within humans that causes us to easily hate members of our own species?

It seemingly takes a certain amount of time before the hated group begins to be absorbed into our society. When the hatred that had been focused looses it't target, a new victim must be found to be the scapegoat. Throughout the history of our country many groups have shared the hate spotlight, and each of them have lost their status as "most hated" and really the only ones left to center the bright hot hate light on is the GLBT.

Today over at I should be laughing, Bob was talking about the hate that Sir Elton John and his husband David Furnish have had heaped upon them. Ok, so I get it, many religious people don't agree with gays and lesbians being parents. And thats fine, it's an opinion, it shouldn't be the law of the land, but one can hold whatever opinion they wish.

However, this is where I begin to get mad, play along with me ok? You are watching the news, and they are airing a segment talking about issues within the black community, let's say education. The program will have on talking heads to discuss the "problem" Experts in education, possibly a concerned parent or two. This would not even get an eye blink from you, yeah? Its news as usual. Now, along with the education experts and a parent, add in a member of the Klu Klux Klan. Can you imagine the fire storm that would occur? Yeah, and rightly so.

None of the news agencies anywhere within our country, no matter how bigoted the area is, would ever even consider adding in a hate group to talk about black issues. Why oh why do the news agencies feel that its ok to invite GLBT hate groups to talk about issues that concern us? Where is our firestorm to burn this sort of mass stupidity out of society? The only thing that comes to mind is for GLBT and our allies to band together to protest loudly every time they do something this hurtful, this stupid, and this dangerous.

Dangerous?

Yes, dangerous. Because society sanctioned open hate causes violence. It allows parents to throw their children out for being GLBT. Children absorb the views of their parents, and this is the leading cause of bullying in schools.

Could it be the news people are clueless? Could it be that in trying to be fair to both sides, they don't realize what they are perpetuating? Yes, I've told you before my glass is nearly full, rabid optimist here. Having said that, the only reason things changed for blacks is because they stopped sitting in the back of the bus, stopped paying attention to the signs, and started making noise. I know, they are visible for all to see, and for the most part we are not. Could it be that it's time for us to make some noise, to become visible, to speak up when ever we hear the rude comments?

This summer one of my son's girl friends, was talking about a worker in a local store. She kept referring to her as "it" Why? Well because this is a transwoman, and she doesn't "pass" well. I told her,"That isn't nice! Stop it! She's a person, a human." I'm not sure if it made any impact on her, but I wasn't going to sit an let her say cruel things. I have stopped these females of my son's several times before about saying horrid things about GLBT before. And what strikes me so odd? Is I have never heard any of our sons say one nasty word against GLBT, ever! Why they didn't attract a more tolerant brand of females is beyond me.

Acceptance and love can be bigger than hate, and their is plenty for all.

A Shining Star of Activism in the Arizona Desert by Bobby Parker

2010-12-20T22:34:00.000-08:00

Caleb Laieski, a brilliant, 16-year-old dynamo from the town of Surprise, Arizona is a one-man force for equality and safety for all school children in our state. I don't think there's anyone like him in our whole nation. I'm giving him my Arizona GLBT Activist of the Year Award...a well-deserved honor.

With the help of the Arizona ACLU, Caleb successfully fought to have his Willow Canyon High School's discrimination policies revised. But he didn't stop there.

A child of the Internet age, on December 1st in a 12-hour non-stop barrage of 3,000 emails Caleb put all individual schools and school districts in our state on notice. He didn't stop there.

Notices were also sent to local city councils, county commissioners, legislators (state and federal) within each district, along with the State Department of Education, Attorney General's office, and the Office of the Governor. So that no one in the state was missed, at the same time he sent a press release to all news outlets in the state.

During the year Caleb contacted all 50 legislatures in our nation.

I am familiar with his comprehensive list of media outlets and personal contacts because due to his efforts the most widely reported GLBT activism event of the year was the recent suicide prevention outreach at the Mormon Temple in Mesa. All the major TV stations carried the story, with one having it as the 10 p.m. news lead story. Caleb communicated personally with each one to assure adequate coverage.

As Executive Director of Gays and Lesbians United Against Discrimination (GLUAD), an organization he founded, Caleb reminded everyone in the state of Arizona involved with keeping our school children safe of the recent spate of suicides of gay teens nationwide, their legal obligations to protect children in their schools, and gave them a comprehensive list of remedial measures they can use to correct failed policies.

However, Caleb went a step further showing that he means business. He said:

If we are acknowledged of any of the following, a suit will promptly be sought:

A suicide attempt or success due to bullying,

Issue of bullying or harassment reported and not handled properly, or inadequate punishment given,

Teacher or administrator failing to intervene or are expressing hate themselves.

He threatened to sue anyone who fails to follow policies to protect our children. He means it!

In case they need help, this is what Caleb offered:

We would be happy to refer you to organizations and experts who could work with you to develop and implement an appropriate long-term plan to create schools that are safe and productive for all children enrolled within the school district.

Please have your counsel contact me no later than Monday, December 20th about the steps and plans to be taken.

I became friends with Caleb via phone conversations around the time of the National Equality March on the Capitol in D.C. When I looked around to see whom in our state was going to coordinate it turned out Caleb and GLUAD were the first to sign up. In talking to him I had no idea he was only 15 years old at the time. His presence on the phone indicated someone in his late 20's.

Later we invited Caleb to the planning meeting as we resurrected the Arizona Stonewall Democrats, to bring us a view from the youth. We've been friends and confidants since. I relate as an activist or grandpa, whichever he needs at the time.

Here are responses from two of Arizona's leading activists re: Caleb:

Caleb came to my attention through his work at creating a national organization to work to promote a positive image of gay and lesbian people (GLUAD). Though he was still quite young, he had the determination and drive to make contact with legislators across the country and in the US Congress - asking them to support equality for all their citizens. In the intervening years, I've seen nothing less than this same level of effort from Caleb. He is a bright, articulate young man who is standing on the side of justice. I think we will find that he is long remembered by those whose lives were bettered because of his work.

- Rev. Brad Wishon, Vice-President, of No Longer Silent: Clergy for Justice

After interacting with Caleb, you have to stop to remember that he is only a teenager. He comes across as a very articulate, motivated, and professional activist who could be mistaken for twice his actual age. A review of his work lends credence to this impression, as he approaches his mission with thoroughness and thoughtfulness that would be the envy of many adults. He is an example of what true motivation and dogged determination can do for people operating in the bleakest of environments, and thus is an inspiration for many.

- Steve Brittle, Environmental Activist and Political Consultant

When he was 15, Caleb wrote the following. Since then he has been successful in changing his school, and is now focusing on all of Arizona's schools. I'm so thankful this time of year for Caleb and what he is doing. In his own words:

My name is Caleb Laieski. I am a 15-year-old gay teenager living and attending high school in Surprise, Arizona.

As a gay youth in a public school system, I have endured a relentless amount of harassment, threats, and bullying simply because I am an openly gay teenager. During my 8th grade year of school, I finally acknowledged to the public and myself that I am, in fact, gay. As the news of my gay "outing" made the rounds at school, anti-gay slurs and intolerance began. Words like fag and homo became a daily way of life for me.

The situation became worse once I started high school. The harassment, slurs, and death threats became bolder, more frequent, and the vast majority of teachers failed to intervene. In fact, one teacher said in front of other students, that all gays are "going to hell." As those issues worsened, I contacted the school district countless times for help. Help never came.

I am not alone in this. A very close friend of mine who is openly gay himself told me about how he is experiencing the same concerns. He once attempted suicide by drinking almost an entire bottle of rubbing alcohol. He has also done other things to harm his body in the past.

All of these issues contribute to the alarming statistics; a member of the LGBT youth community will attempt suicide within the next 40 minutes.

On March 24, 2010, at about 1:45 p.m., while walking home from the bus stop, I was approached by multiple male individuals in a vehicle yelling "F*** you Caleb, you f***ing faggot" followed by "f*** gay people" with finger gestures.

The Dysart School District also claims that they do not discriminate on the basis of race, color, national origin, sex, disability, religion, or age, but exclude sexual orientation and gender identity. If the school district were so serious on this matter, without hesitation it would amend and enforce a policy that covers sexual orientation and gender identity. The handbook states that first offense of hate speech will be punished a 2-3 day suspension and eligibility for a police report to be filed, yet they rarely enforce that. Additionally, their handbook claims that teachers and administrators are required to intervene. Again, they often fail to do so.

On May 13, 2010, at lunchtime, I was again confronted by a male student stating "I'm gonna sock you in the face, you f***in homo" followed by the word "Faggot". While the school administration acknowledged the incident, the vice-principal made light of the situation, stating that she knew the student involved because "He's in my office often." She said she would address it with him privately.

Concerns for my safety, well being and emotional stress caused by these repeated incidents were shooed out the door, leaving me to wonder whether or not I would make it through the day without being attacked. I was so scared that I walked out of school that day because I was afraid for my life.

Since that time, I have spoken with the vice-principal and the school district. Nothing transpired. Fortunately, I made it through school that time without any major incidents. But what does my future hold? Will I have to submit to ongoing harassment, threats, and bullying for the rest of my educational career? Will I end up being one of the teens that attempts suicide, develops a drug or alcohol problem; or end up homeless on the streets?

The school bullying resulted in a lack of enthusiasm in continuing the high school experience. It has also resulted in dramatic slipping of grades, failing math, and skipping classes out of fear.

In 2008, I became an activist one month before elections on Proposition 102 (Arizona) and Proposition 8 (California) - both defining marriage as a right only available between one man and one woman.

After the passage of both propositions, my frustrations led me to begin researching and investigating Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender (LGBT) rights and offering my assistance to local and national organizations.

I gained some very essential experience and positive support from these organizations. But there is so much work to be done and I felt the need to start my own organization to achieve substantial positive change sooner!

So, I had the vision of founding my own organization -- Gays and Lesbians United Against Discrimination (GLUAD) to help support the LGBT local and national communities. I worked day and night to make sure this vision became a reality.

In January 2009, GLUAD began writing to legislatures in all 50 states with literature containing insight on LGBT issues. After a year of unexpected challenges, it became apparent to me how critical legislation is in providing essential changes towards LGBT equality. As a gay youth having survived my own issues, I felt that GLUAD could make the most crucial impact by focusing on LGBT youth communities both locally and nationally. I reached out to other LGBT youth.

I continue hearing stories from other students whose lives echoed mine. Their stories have all contained common threads of serious harassment, threats, and bullying. I've also heard stories of unheard victims of violence and abuse. It made me angry! Angry to the point that I began an intensive search for answers that shocked, saddened, and horrified me. These statistics has shown me the alarming amount of homeless teenagers and even worse -the preventable teen suicide rate.

Currently, GLUAD is in the process of opening a homeless shelter focusing primarily on LGBT runaways or displaced people. We will provide housing for LGBT youth, adults, elderly and other members of the homeless community that have nowhere to go and no one to help them. GLUAD is continuing to work with all 50 state legislatures to address LGBT statistics, background and work for protective legislation.

My hope is to prevent people from experiencing the same type of harassment, threats, and bullying that I had to endure during my teen years. My mission is for LGBT people to have the same rights, goals and dreams of every other person in this country; to have somewhere to go, and someone to turn to when the world turns its back on them!

PFLAG/LA Founder Adele Starr Has Died by Karen Ocamb

2010-12-14T22:41:00.000-08:00

Adele Starr, founder of the large Los Angeles chapter of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, died in her sleep Friday night, the Los Angeles Times reported Sunday. She was 90.
Starr founded PFLAG/LA in 1976 - a group that still marches in the annual Christopher Street West Pride Parade every year to grateful applause. Her efforts to education others about LGBT rights included speaking on the steps of the US Capitol during the historic 1979 national march in Washington DC. She became the organization's first national president in 1981 - with her den as national headquarters - just as former California Gov. Ronald Reagan assumed the presidency. She remained PFLAG president through the torturous early years of the AIDS epidemic when gay men such as her son were routinely vilified.
As a stay-at-home mother of five from Brentwood, she fought back and cajoled and sweet-talked whomever she encountered to get equal rights for her gay son, and by extension, the LGBT community. And she told parents it wasn't their "fault" their son or daughter was gay - a prevalent opinion at the time and a feeling of guilt she herself had overcome.

In response to an antigay move by conservatives to take over an Antelope Valley school board in 1995, Starr wrote a letter to the LA Times about how her gay son Phillip deserved the "same rights and freedoms as others," including the right to "legally marry the one he loves." The letter reads in part:

We cannot understand those arrogant people who have decided that a heterosexual lifestyle must be imposed on everyone and that they have a monopoly on morality...The American way is respect for diversity with the right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

At PFLAG's 10th anniversary conference, Starr explained her activism: "We did it out of love and anger and a sense of injustice, and because we had to tell the world the truth about our children."
Terry DeCrescenzo, founder of the Gay and Lesbian Adolescent Social Services and a friend of Starr's told The Times: "In that time, a lot of us lost hope. Not Adele. And PFLAG became enormously important because it was rock solid.... She was a good woman. She'll be missed."
PFLAG now has more than 200,000 in chapters across the county. Jody M. Huckaby, PFLAG National's Executive Director said in a statement posted on PFLAG's website:

Adele Starr was one of the pioneers of PFLAG. It is because of her commitment to organizing the many people who were working for the common goal of equality for all into the organization that we now know as PFLAG that we have gained the strength, prominence, and ability to become the voice of parents and allies united for equality.

Services will be held at noon Monday at Mount Sinai Hollywood Hills, 5950 Forest Lawn Drive, Los Angeles.
Read additional tributes to Adele Starr from past PFLAG presidents.

Loving myself gay, loving myself fat By Rev. Emily C. Heath

2010-11-09T01:06:00.000-08:00

I stood stunned at the edge of the football field. Our touch football game had ended and I'd had a brief conversation with a woman who made a significant living off her public reputation as a feminist and LGBT activist. I didn't know her well. We'd had brief conversations in the past, but had never so much as shared a cup of coffee. So I had been surprised when, as we prepared to go our separate ways, she called me back.

"I know this is none of my business, but...."

I braced myself. I knew what was coming next. You see, I've been fat my whole life. My first experiences of bullying as a child were around weight. Since then I haven't gone a day without being aware of the fact that I'm heavy. So, when she recited those magical words that everyone thinks excuses what comes out of their mouth next (I know this is none of my business, but...), I knew it was going to be about my weight.

Now, I'm not going to detail my medical history here because, frankly, it's no one's business. And besides, there would just be the argument from some that fat people use medical issues as an excuse. Those people will say fat people just need to "diet and exercise." And then there are the people who will talk about personal obesity using the rhetoric of a "public health crisis." There has always been plenty of objectification of fat people as either lazy moral failures, walking medical cases, or piteous lesser-thans.

I'm used to that. When I was looking for a position as a pastor I had an experience where a congregation was heavily vetting me. We had great phone conversations and seemed like an ideal fit. And then they met me. The chair of the committee made sure to mention several times that she was a Weight Watchers leader. I received a rejection letter several days later. I could tell ten more stories like this off the top of my head, and I'm sure other fat people could do the same.

But then there is another whole level of rhetoric. The rhetoric of full-blown, undisguised size-phobia.

Recently Maura Kelly, a columnist for Marie Claire, wrote a column detailing her disgust with a new show called Mike and Molly. Full disclosure, I've never been a reader of Marie Claire or any similar magazine and I've never seen Mike and Molly. But the outcry about Kelly's article has been too great to ignore for those of us who are fat. Here's an excerpt from "Should 'Fatties' Get a Room":

"So anyway, yes, I think I'd be grossed out if I had to watch two characters with rolls and rolls of fat kissing each other... because I'd be grossed out if I had to watch them doing anything. To be brutally honest, even in real life, I find it aesthetically displeasing to watch a very, very fat person simply walk across a room -- just like I'd find it distressing if I saw a very drunk person stumbling across a bar or a heroine (sic) addict slumping in a chair."

Suddenly I'm not only fat (or, in Kelly's language, a "fattie") but I'm "gross" and the moral equivalent of a heroin addict. Kelly's analysis is one part junior high mean girl and one part pop psychologist. (And, just for fun, read Kelly's whole article and insert "gay" into every "fat." Sound familiar?)

But, as much as Kelly's words disgust me, they don't personally affect me as much as the very real size-phobia I've witnessed in the LGBTQ community. I'm always amazed that a community that values diversity and respect for others can be so judgmental, occasionally to the point of being bullying, when it comes to weight. Even in the bear community there is a growing, increasingly bitter, separation of "muscle bears" from the "lesser," heavier bears.

Which is tragic. Because, if there's one thing LGBTQ pride should promote it's the idea that we can love ourselves and feel value in ourselves, just as we are. That's the ideal, but it's not the reality.

So, as I walked away from the football field last month, advice on how I should try Weight Watchers ringing in my ears (because, really, I'd never heard of them before), I left with that old familiar feeling of shame. As I met friends for lunch, I beat myself up for wanting a hamburger more than a salad. As I walked the streets of Provincetown, a place where I have always felt good about just being myself, I suddenly felt like everyone was looking me and just seeing a fat person. As I caught up with old friends, I wondered if they saw me or they just saw my weight.

Then I realized how absolutely messed up that was. Here I was, in the middle of maybe the most gay-friendly mile in America, hating myself. And, really, I've spent enough of my life hating myself. I came out because I chose not to hate myself anymore. And I'm not going to hate myself because someone at a football game feels the need to project their fat-phobia on me.

One of the things I've always loved about both feminist and LGBT activism is that both understand that liberation does not come in isolation. As a young activist I learned that racism, anti-Semitism and ageism were now my fights too. Bigotry against any group affects every group.

The same is true around issues of size acceptance. If the LGBTQ community continues to tolerate sizeism in our life together, our community is the less for it. If we continue to tell brothers and sisters that they are somehow less worthy because they are heavy, we lose part of our witness to equality. And if we continue to buy into manufactured standards of what is attractive or acceptable or right, we open ourselves up to criticism on other levels as well.

There are some great activists doing work around size acceptance in our community. One group composed of such activists is NoLose, which hosts conferences and other programs around fat acceptance in the lesbian and trans communities. Other grassroots groups are doing similar activism. I believe our community will be better for their work. But there's still a lot of work to do. As I walked away from the football field on that day, that was all too clear to me.

November 7, 2010

about Rev. Heath

For those who have been forgotten

2010-11-07T03:58:00.000-08:00

While all violence is abhorrent, the violence is usually not based on what you are, but who you are. GLBT are targeted for what we are. Some of our "family" are more vulnerable to being a victim of violence. Primarily young gays and transgender people seem to be targeted much more than the rest of our population.

According to a 2008 report from the National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs (NCAVP), anti-transgender bias is reported crimes is holding steady, in fact, it has increased 12 percent over the previous year. 1

Gender Public Advocacy Campaign found that a majority of the victims were killed with violence "beyond that necessary to terminate life." In some cases, assailants continued to bludgeon, stab or shoot the victims even after death. 2

Enter into this picture Ethan St. Pierre, who in 1999 organized the first candlelight vigil in San Francisco, beginning Transgender Day of Remembrance. On the website Ethan has this to say,

The Transgender Day of Remembrance serves several purposes. It raises public awareness of hate crimes against transgender people, an action that current media doesn’t perform. Day of Remembrance publicly mourns and honors the lives of our brothers and sisters who might otherwise be forgotten. Through the vigil, we express love and respect for our people in the face of national indifference and hatred. Day of Remembrance reminds non-transgender people that we are their sons, daughters, parents, friends and lovers. Day of Remembrance gives our allies a chance to step forward with us and stand in vigil, memorializing those of us who’ve died by anti-transgender violence.

During the next few days and into the coming weeks candlelight vigils are being held through out the world. I'm not sure if every community that is holding vigils are listed. If you are interested in attending a vigil I would suggest checking with your local GLBT community center.

The more that I read, the more I'm totally convinced that many Americans are unaware of the hatred, bigotry and bullying that our family lives with on a daily basis. Our plight has been worsened by the religious right spewing hate from the pulpit, that has stymied our attempts to gain civil rights with the might of the ballot box. Sadly this summer this climate of hate has caused several of our most vulnerable family members to give up on tomorrow. Criminally the schools blamed the victims, instead of the atmosphere that allowed unchecked bullying.

We all know what the pink campaign has done to raise awareness for breast cancer. It's time for GLBT to start a rainbow campaign. It's also time for the patchwork quilt of GLBT civil rights organizations to be stitched into one single and much more powerful organization. We need corporate backing, famous people to join our cause for civil rights, for our ability to live free and fearless. I think we should pick the month of June, which has been the traditional month for marriages, high lighting one of our "lost" civil rights.

If you have a belief system, say a prayer for those who have left us, due to suicide, murder, and AIDS. If not, then pause for a moment in your day, and hold a moment of silence for our missing members.

1. http://www.edgeboston.com/index.php?ch=news&sc=&sc2=news&sc3=&id=96920
2. http://newstandardnews.net/content/index.cfm/items/4103
http://my.execpc.com/~dmmunson/Nov99_7.htm

Reading gives me ideas.......

2010-10-25T16:35:00.000-07:00

i'm reading a manga series titled
"Ooku"
the main theme is very compelling
a horrible disease racks japan
killing young men and boys
leaving at the end only around 1/4 of the population comprised of men
YIKES! i know!!

but so now the sex roles are reversed
and men are now cosseted and protected
and are sold for huge dowries like women
there are brothels for women to have sex with men
hoping to get pregnant
as many cant afford the dowry to marry

the women do all of the hard physical labor
and rule the land
the shogun is a woman
and she has 800! men in her harem
the books mostly take place in the inner court (harem)
it's made quite clear that many of the men in the inner court
love and have sex with each other
there is also a horrible rape scene
between several of the jealous men of the inner court
and one of the new members thereof
there is throughout the series
female/male love stories as well

but what i found so fascinating about this series
was how their whole concept of society
from the very roots to the rafters
had to be reworked, rethought, remade
which has me thinking..................
what if our world society were shaken in that manner?

not a huge loss of men! i don't want a horror story here!!!!
but something that would force us to remake our world
and there were only two things that came to mind
1. loss of religion of any sort
2. total global acceptance of lgbt humans
which would cause more of a total change in our societies?
and after a great deal of thought....................im thinking the total acceptance of all forms of lgbt

i think that would cause more of a wide ranging change in our world
because if you could accept sex orientation
gender presentation, or lack of a definable gender
wouldn't acceptance of skin color follow?
acceptance of religion?
acceptance period?

It Breaks Your Heart, by Courage Campaign

2010-08-17T22:25:00.000-07:00

This makes me cry, and rage at the same time. The courts have decided over and over again, that discrimination is counter to everything our country is supposed to stand for. It's time for all Americans to stand up against discrimination of LGBT.

This young man, is the voice of the future, and it's an awesome thing to hear him speak. Enjoy the firebrand speech of Will Phillips.

Prop 8 and the Black Community by Gilbert H. Caldwell

2010-08-13T14:27:00.000-07:00

Published on The Root (http://www.theroot.com)

Prop 8 and the Black Community

By: Gilbert H. Caldwell

Posted: August 11, 2010 at 12:20 AM

Many blacks are using arguments against same-sex marriage that were used against us, says one retired African-American minister.

Eugene Robinson of The Washington Post wrote a powerful column about the recent ruling by U.S. District Judge Vaughn Walker that overturned California's Proposition 8 law banning gay marriage: "He [Walker] frames gay marriage as a question involving the most basic, cherished rights that the Constitution guarantees to all Americans. In doing so, he raises the stakes sky-high: Are gays and lesbians full citizens of this country, or are they something else?"

The issue of the full citizenship of gays and lesbians ought to resonate with those of us who are black. The long journey of black people to full equality has revolved around the question of the legitimacy of our citizenship. Once upon a time in this country, I would have been described as being "three fifths of all other persons." Many of us observe that question still being raised as people question the birth certificate and citizenship of President Barack Obama. The conversations we're starting to hear about rescinding the 14th Amendmen t have a familiar ring to any student of history. I have often said, "The music of legal segregation may have ended, but the melody lingers on."

I have been distressed to read about young black men committing hate crimes against people whom they assume are gay. In the past, negative attitudes in many white Christian churches toward blacks precipitated the violence of the Ku Klux Klan. We must not allow negative attitudes about gays within the black church or elsewhere within our community to justify violence against them.

I say this as someone who has been an ordained United Methodist minister for 54 years and who has pastored black and white churches in five states. I was also one of the founders of the United Methodist Black Caucus, Black Methodists for Church Renewal and United Methodists of Color for a Fully Inclusive Church. I am also an honorary member of the board of preachers of the Martin Luther King Jr. International Chapel at Morehouse College.

I have heard a number of arguments against gay marriage within the black church and larger African-American community, arguments that are all too reminiscent of another time and place -- and struggle -- in this country.

--Biblical principle outweighs man-made law regarding gay rights: Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. led a civil rights movement that focused on achieving Constitution-granted equality and equal access for black people. I believe that he was inspired by God to lead the nation to affirm human equality, because that was the intent of our founding documents. Regardless of our beliefs or interpretations of the respective holy books of our faith communities, as Americans we are expected to abide by the Constitution and not seek to impose those beliefs on others.

As a Christian, I do not believe in divorce, gambling, alcohol consumption, cigarette smoking or capital punishment, but as a citizen I must recognize that not everyone shares my perspective. Some Christians believed -- and some still do -- that "Noah's Curse" (Genesis 9:25) justified less-than-full citizenship for people of African descent. Thankfully, though, in the U.S. our rights are determined by constitutional equality and not by biblical interpretation.

Nor are our rights determined by the personal morality of a majority. We would do well to remember that, had the voting public been allowed to vote on interracial marriage as state after state has been allowed to vote on same-sex marriage, interracial marriage would still be prohibited in some areas of the country. Discrimination is not permissible, even if a majority of voters approve it; or, as Judge Walker said, "fundamental rights may not be submitted to a vote."

--Black Christians must oppose same-sex marriage because it contradicts our traditional views of marriage and our moral values: Many of the religious arguments against same-sex marriage are similar to those made against racial integration. The culture of segregation was also supported and sustained by the "tradition" argument ("segregation is our way of life"). Those who condemned "race mixing" for moral reasons claimed that the Bible disapproves of mixed marriage. We in the black church and community are challenged to avoid using the same kinds of arguments against Constitution-granted marriage equality for same-sex couples that were used against us to oppose Constitution-granted racial equality.

As a Christian, I may not agree with what you believe and practice, but as a citizen of the U.S., I will defend your right to believe and practice as you do. This is the rationale for my support of same-sex marriage. In no way will it affect or tarnish my own marriage of 52 years; but if the right to marry is denied to others, not only do we tarnish the equality provisions of the Constitution, but we are saying that those who once denied blacks our constitutional rights because of their traditional moral values were justified.

--As black people, we have our own unfinished quest for racial equality and justice to focus on: I understand that many black people have been cautious in their support of the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) human rights movement because they feel it has plagiarized the civil rights movement. Of course, the long struggle of people of African descent for justice, and the civil rights movement that emerged from that struggle, are distinctively different from the struggles of others. Slavery and legal racial segregation of African Americans will always have a uniquely negative distinction that no one should deny. But we know the truth of Dr. King's words: "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." Recognition of the qualitative and quantitative differences between respective struggles for justice cannot offset the familiar ring of bias, bigotry, negative stereotyping and hatred of people and groups because they are "different."

The attention given to the LGBT community's struggle for same-sex marriage and human rights provides an opportunity for all of us to focus not only on heterosexism but also on sexism, racism and classism. We who have been the victims of any of these -isms have a chance to bring to life as never before the provisions in our state and national constitutions that guarantee due process and equal protection.

In his column, Eugene Robinson said of Judge Walker's "detailed and comprehensive ruling" against Proposition 8 that "Walker stepped up to the plate and swung for the fences. He hit a home run." My prayer is that the black church and the African-American community in general will step up to the plate and hit home runs for justice -- not only for us but for all Americans.
The Rev. Gilbert H. Caldwell is a retired United Methodist minister in Asbury Park, N.J.
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Source URL: http://www.theroot.com/views/proposition-8-gay-rights-and-black-community

Links:
[1] http://www.theroot.com/user/35074
[2] http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/08/05/AR2010080504766.html
[3] http://www.digitalhistory.uh.edu/documents/documents_p2.cfm?doc=306
[4] http://www.theroot.com/views/gops-dangerous-plan-revise-14th-amendment
[5] http://www.morehouse.edu/about/chapel/index.html
[6] http://bible.cc/genesis/9-25.htm
[7] http://www.nytimes.com/2010/08/05/opinion/05thu1.html?_r=1
[8] http://www.facebook.com/theroot
[9] http://www.twitter.com/theroot247
[10] http://www.theroot.com/views/challenging-judge-walker

Prop 8 ruled unconstitutional by Adam Bink

2010-08-04T13:56:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading the meat of the decision. Chief Judge Vaughn Walker has ruled Prop 8 is unconstitutional on both Equal Protection and Due Process grounds. Huge win. The decision is likely to be appealed to the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals. Developing…

UPDATE (1:43 PST): Here’s the conclusion from the decision.

CONCLUSION
Proposition 8 fails to advance any rational basis in singling out gay men and lesbians for denial of a marriage license. Indeed, the evidence shows Proposition 8 does nothing more than enshrine in the California Constitution the notion that opposite-sex couples are superior to same-sex couples. Because California has no interest in discriminating against gay men and lesbians, and because Proposition 8 prevents California from fulfilling its constitutional obligation to provide marriages on an equal basis,the court concludes that Proposition 8 is unconstitutional.

REMEDIES
Plaintiffs have demonstrated by overwhelming evidence that Proposition 8 violates their due process and equal protection rights and that they will continue to suffer these constitutional violations until state officials cease enforcement of Proposition 8. California is able to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, as it has already issued 18,000 marriage licenses to same-sex couples and has not suffered any demonstrated harm as a result, see FF 64-66; moreover, California officials have chosen not to defend Proposition 8 in these proceedings.

Because Proposition 8 is unconstitutional under both the Due Process and Equal Protection Clauses, the court orders entry of judgment permanently enjoining its enforcement; prohibiting the official defendants from applying or enforcing Proposition 8 and directing the official defendants that all persons under their control or supervision shall not apply or enforce Proposition 8. The clerk is DIRECTED to enter judgment without bond in favor of plaintiffs and plaintiff-intervenors and against defendants anddefendant-intervenors pursuant to FRCP 58.

IT IS SO ORDERED.

The full decision can be found here. Notable segments are on pages

UPDATE (10:46): Other notable segment:

CONCLUSIONS OF LAW

Plaintiffs challenge Proposition 8 under the Due Process
and Equal Protection Clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment. Each
challenge is independently meritorious, as Proposition 8 both
unconstitutionally burdens the exercise of the fundamental right to
marry and creates an irrational classification on the basis of
sexual orientation.

Reposted from prop8trialtracker

Sense of smell is linked to sexual orientation, study reveals By Steve Connor

2010-08-02T00:04:00.000-07:00

The human nose can not only sniff out suitable sexual partners, but it works especially well for gay men, according to the first study of how body odours are linked to sexual orientation.

Gay men showed a strong preference for the body odour of other gay men in the scientific test of how the natural scent of someone's body can contribute to the choice of a partner.

Although previous studies have shown that body odour plays a role in making heterosexual men or women attractive to members of the opposite sex, this is the first study that has investigated its role in sexual orientation. Charles Wysocki of the Monell Chemical Senses Centre in Philadelphia, a non-profit research institute, said the findings underline the importance of natural odours in determining a sexual partner whatever the sexual orientation of the person involved.

"Our findings support the contention that gender preference has a biological component that is reflected in both the production of different body odours and in the perception of and response to body odours," Dr Wysocki said.

The study involved 24 heterosexual and homosexual men and women who for around nine days were subjected to a "wash-out" period when they used scent-free soap and shampoo and did not eat food with garlic, cumin or curry.

After this, they wore sterile cotton pads under their armpits for a day. These were collected and stored to use as a bottled source of their body odour. A panel of 82 heterosexual and homosexual men and women, not including the donors of the armpit pads, were asked to sniff each bottled body odour and evaluate its pleasantness according to a set of criteria. In a study in the journal Psychological Science, the scientists found: "Heterosexual males and females preferred odours from heterosexual males relative to gay males; gay males preferred odours from other gay males.

"Heterosexual males and females and lesbians over the age of 25 preferred odours from lesbians, relative to the odours from gay males; gay males preferred the odours of other gay males relative to lesbians," they say.

Dr Wysocki said the strongest finding was that gay men prefer the smell of other gay men and that lesbians responded differently to body odour compared to heterosexual women. "The overall conclusions are that the body odour you most prefer or least prefer does not depend on where it comes from but it also depends on who you are, in other words, your sexual orientation," Dr Wysocki said.

Gay men preferred the odours from gay men and heterosexual women, but odours from gayman were the least preferred by heterosexual men and women and by lesbians, he said. Other studies showed that body odour is linked with a set of genes involved in controlling the immune system - called the major histocompatability complex - and heterosexual men and women preferred the odour of those with a different set of these genes to their own. One theory is that this could be an evolutionary mechanism to avoid inbreeding. The latest study suggests the genes involved in body odour may also play a role in sexual orientation.

"The bigger picture is that body odour is determined in part by gender orientation which is not something we can have predicted. And it's possible that the genes involved in body odour are also involved in later life in gender orientation," he said.

Tuesday, 10 May 2005

The truth about men who molest children, by Rob Tisinai

2010-07-29T14:54:00.000-07:00

Reposted from prop8trialtracker

This is a good site, full of information about the state of all LGBT peoples civil rights. Go, look and spread the word.

On the Streets: The Federal Response to Gay and Transgender Homeless Youth

2010-06-24T10:46:00.000-07:00

Every child deserves a supportive and loving home. But for many lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender children and youth, that home is not available.* Gay and transgender youth are disproportionately represented among homeless youth in our country, experiencing extreme rates of violence, discrimination, and poor health while homeless.

This is happening at least partly because gay and transgender people are coming out at younger ages as society becomes increasingly supportive of equality. Twenty years ago, most people started coming out in their 20s, well after most had left home and started working. If someone’s family rejected them for being gay or transgender, it may have been emotionally painful, but the person could still likely take care of himself or herself.

Today, the usual coming out age is in the mid-teen years, when youth still depend on their families to meet their material needs and are particularly vulnerable if their family outright rejects them. For gay and transgender youth in these situations, family rejection can lead to a chain reaction of events that sends them cascading through social safety nets that are not equipped to support them.

Indeed, too many youth who come out are rejected by their families, harassed and victimized in schools, discriminated against in out-of-home care facilities, and brutalized in homeless shelters. They often resort to criminal activity, such as theft or “survival sex” in order to survive. The high rates of rejection, violence, and institutional discrimination combined with hostile school environments and social prejudice lead to an over-representation of gay and transgender youth among the homeless youth population.

The federal government can and should do more to respond to this problem. Of the approximately $4.2 billion the government spends annually on homeless assistance programs, less than 5 percent of this funding, $195 million, is allocated for homeless children and youth. Even less actually goes to serve unaccompanied homeless youth.17 Further, each year the federal government spends $44 billion on rental assistance, public housing, and affordable housing programs, yet less than 1 percent of these funds, only $44 million, is allocated for homeless youth housing assistance.

There are currently no federal programs specifically designed to meet the needs of gay and transgender homeless youth, and there are no federal protections, and few state laws, in place to keep these youth from being discriminated against while accessing federally funded homeless services.

What’s worse, federal grant awards for homeless youth services are being awarded to providers without mandating that they not discriminate based on sexual orientation and gender identity, leaving vulnerable youth open to harassment from staff and other residents. Nor are these grantees required to abide by basic standards of gay and transgender health care. In short, the lack of inclusive policies and targeted resources for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender youth in federal grants prevents this population from having equal access to federally funded services.

The federal government can take several steps to reduce the incidence of gay and transgender youth homelessness and improve the services and treatment these youth receive if they do become homeless. Specifically, the Obama administration should:

Strengthen families with gay and transgender children through evidence-based support services so youth do not become homeless. The Administration for Children and Families should develop programs that help families from all communities support and nurture their gay and transgender children to promote positive development and connection to families and communities.
Establish schools as a safe haven for all youth, including gay and transgender youth. The Department of Education should address the role of unsafe schools in promoting youth homelessness, and aggressively address school bullying. They should also take all possible steps to ensure that homeless youth are able to continue their education.
Acknowledge and protect those youths who continue to fall through the cracks. The first step to do this is an executive order recognizing both lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender homeless youth and homeless youth in general as special-needs populations, and protecting them from discrimination by federal grantees.
Take concrete steps to expand housing options for gay and transgender homeless youth through Department of Health and Human Services and Department of Housing and Urban Development programs.
Initiate research in this area as gay and transgender youth homelessness, and the programs to address it, are not being adequately tracked or documented. Affirming data-collection methods for homeless gay and transgender youth should be established for all federal programs serving homeless youth. Programs to address homeless youth must be rigorously evaluated to understand what works.

Taken together, the five steps outlined above would create a coherent and consistent federal response to the crisis of gay and transgender homeless youth, which is critically needed at this time. As our nation’s society becomes more supportive of gay and transgender issues and youth come out at earlier ages, the federal government must step up and respond to the needs of these youths.

This report offers a blueprint for approaching this work. In the pages that follow, we will examine gay and transgender youth homelessness against the backdrop of overall youth homelessness in America and show the extreme levels of discrimination and violence many gay and transgender youth face at home, in school, in youth and adult homeless shelters and on the streets. We will specifically examine the many failing safety nets for these youth, and then demonstrate why our recommendations, if implemented, would do much to help ensure that all youth have a chance at a happy and healthy future.

* In this report the term gay is used as an umbrella term for all youth who identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual, and/or queer.

By Nico Sifra Quintana, Josh Rosenthal, Jeff Krehely

300,000 to 400,000 LBGT Youth facing Homelessness Each Year by Dr. Jullian T. Weiss

2010-06-22T22:44:00.000-07:00

The Center for American Progress released a report yesterday on LBGT youth homelessness and the federal response to it.

It is not a pretty picture.
According to the report, there are approximately 1.6 million to 2.8 million homeless young people in the United States, and estimates suggest that disproportionate numbers of those youth are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.
The portion of the homeless youth population who are gay or transgender is estimated to be 20 to 40 percent, although gay and transgender youth comprise only 5 to 10 percent of the overall youth population.
Here's a few numbers:
320,000 to 400,000: A conservative estimate of the number of gay and transgender youth facing homelessness each year.
14.4: The average age that lesbian and gay youth in New York become homeless.
13.5: The average age that transgender youth in New York become homeless.

The report can be found here. It is extremely well written, and is an engaging mix of facts, individual stories, policy and history. Well worth reading.

The information in the report is shocking and saddening. Of the approximately $4.2 billion the government spends annually on homeless assistance programs,less than 5 percent of this funding, $195 million, is allocated for homeless children and youth.

Even less actually goes to serve unaccompanied homeless youth. Further, each year the federal government spends $44 billion on rental assistance, public housing, and affordable housing programs, yet less than 1 percent of these funds, only $44 million, is allocated for homeless youth housing assistance.

Children on the street, looking for comfort, looking for solace, looking for food, looking for shelter, looking for a friendly face, looking for love -- and where can they turn?

I, as an adult, found myself after transition without friends, without family, without job or material resources. It was terrifying, frightening, soul-killing. Did I turn to unsuitable people and places and things to try to stem the well of tears from my descent into the maelstrom?

Yes.

And I was 36 years old, with education and other racial and class privileges.

Imagine a 13 year old trying to cope with social abandonment, with the material and emotional resources of a 13 year old.

Also from the report:

Homelessness disrupts a young person's normal development, often leading to issues in mental and physical health, educational attainment, and behavior.
Sixty-two percent of gay and transgender homeless youth attempt suicide compared to 29 percent of their heterosexual homeless peers.
The Ruth Ellis Center, an organization that exclusively serves gay and transgender homeless youth in Detroit, reported in 2006 that more than 60 percent of their high school age youth population had dropped out of school due to bullying or discrimination.
A full 58 percent of gay homeless youth in Midwestern cities had been sexually victimized.
44 percent of homeless gay youth reported being approached to engage in sex in order to meet their basic needs.
A 2004 study found that gay homeless youth were more likely to suffer from major depression than heterosexual homeless youth, and lesbian homeless youth were more likely to have post-traumatic-stress syndrome than heterosexual homeless young women.
A 2006 study found that 42 percent of gay homeless youth abuse alcohol compared to 27 percent of heterosexual youth.
Injection-drug use is significantly more common for gay homeless youth than heterosexual homeless youth.
Homeless gay and transgender youth also report higher rates of unprotected sex than heterosexual homeless youth, as well as higher rates of HIV infection.

This report shows how imperative it is to address the plight of our youth. The conditions to which our young people are subjected are nothing less than criminal.

Whenever I hear about this issue, my resolve to get involved becomes stronger. I think about my own son, who has grown up into a wonderful young man. The thought of his being mistreated makes me angry; and it makes no difference that the youth being tortured by society through abandonment and homelessness are not my own.

One of the programs designed to shelter homeless LGBT youth is the Ali Forney Center in New York City. The work they do is nothing short of amazing. You can read more (and more importantly, donate) here.

No biological reason for lgb people? Not from my viewpoint.

2010-06-08T16:22:00.000-07:00

The religious say that lgb "chose" to be attracted to same sex partners.... That G_d doesn't make mistakes. And when scientists began saying we think it's genetic to be lgb, they again spoke up, saying that making around 10% of the population non-reproductive makes no sense at all. Well no, not from a current view of life. However if you look at humanity through the lens of how we lived for thousands of years, in small tribal communities, things make much more sense.

Bisexual men have the largest brain size of all men. It's estimated that around 40% of men claim to be at least somewhat bisexual. In modern society where each person is more or less an island, this has no effect on their social standing. In a tribal setting it all makes perfect sense.

The ancient Greeks felt that having your battle partner be a loved sexual partner gave them extra incentive
to fight harder.
Phaedrus, in Plato's Symposium, on the power of male sexual relationships to improve bravery in the military:

... he would prefer to die many deaths: while as for leaving the one he loves in a lurch, or not succoring him in peril, no man is such a craven that the influence of Love cannot inspire him with a courage that makes him equal to the bravest born

But if you go back even further into our dim past, the genetic role of a bisexual male, in my mind at least, becomes even more important. So, how does having many of the men be bisexual help? Sex, pure and simple. If these men were engaging with sex with other men in their troop then it would draw them closer together. Your hunting group, your defense group bound by the ties of sexual feelings and love will provide a closer knit team. If at the same time they are in a sexual relationship with a female that is also based on love and sex, they are providing for the future in the form of many children. These multiple bonds would provide a closer more cohesive tribal unit.

There are three main groupings of people in a tribe. The children, who while at the end of their childhood are starting to produce for the tribe, for the most part only absorb materials brought into the tribe. Materials being of course, food, clothing, and heat. The producers, who bring into the tribe materials. And lastly the makers, these are the elders, the heavily pregnant, the ill and the crippled members. This group takes what is brought into the tribe and turns it into food, clothing, and processing food in some way to preserve it for tomorrow.

This is where I feel that gay and lesbians had a genetic job to follow. Gays would be another body to hunt, trap and fish and to fight off enemies. Since he is not producing offspring, his extra would provide a cushion of security for the tribe. Lesbians would also bring in more materials than they would be using. Allowing gay and lesbians to have partners would also provide parents to children who had lost theirs. If you add up 10% of calories over the course of a season, that quickly becomes a vast storehouse of reserve, which in a time of famine could be the difference between survival and death.

Narrowing down the acceptable sexual partners to only allowing m/f combinations, could in theory have caused some major problems for a tribal form of life. Each time you put limits on sexual combinations, a bond is snipped, often forever weakening our connection with our fellow tribesmen. We have all heard of older cultures that accept gay and lesbian people. Before westerners came to Japan, they didn't have a word to describe homosexuality, it was just a normal part of human sexuality to them.

And as for trans people? If you noticed I didn't add the t onto lgbt earlier on. I can not find a biological reason for being trans. To be honest, I feel that it is a birth defect due to improper hormone flooding the fetus. But hey, this is all my own musings, feel free to contradict me!

My trans life

2010-05-24T21:04:00.001-07:00

I must have been around 5-ish or so when I first had "The Dream", at least that I remember, and yes that's how I have always thought of it. My dreams have always been very vivid, but soon after awaking they fade away, but many of The Dream's have remained in my mind, clear and bright even years later.

In this first dream I remember playing and riding my bike, a skill newly learned that summer, and somewhere along the dream I realize that while it's me, I'm in fact a boy. My dream self is running and jumping into puddles happy as can be. I awoke with an urgent need to pee, and ran to the bathroom as fast as possible. Slamming the bathroom door shut, pulling down my pj's bottoms, I stood in front of the toilet and was confused thinking, "Where is my penis?" But the need to pee over rode much thought, and quickly turned around and sat down to pee. All day long I felt off kilter, and was confused every time I went to the bathroom. I have had these dreams ever since, when I was younger they were much more frequent, and as I have aged my dream boy self has aged along with me.

I have always been told to stand like a girl, sit like a girl, act like a girl, talk like a girl, which always confused me to the point of not knowing how to act in any given situation.

While I was taught to do all the normal girl stuff, cooking and sewing and the like, every minute possible was spent outside running around, normally with my trusty iron steed, my bike. I was forever falling off stuff, over stuff, out of things, up things, and more normally down stuff. I loved burning ants with a magnifying glass, catching bees in a jar and shaking it to see them get all angry. Yeah, I never claimed to be very smart….., and yeah I did let them out on occasion getting stung every single time, again me being a kid. We lived in apartment complexes and while there were girls around, to be honest I only really ever played with the boys. Football was my favorite sport. It combined several of my most loved activities, running, knocking people down, and mud, mud, mud! If I could still see the color of what I had on, it wasn't a good game for me. I never wanted to control the ball, nah that was boring. I was fearless and no matter the size of the boy I would run at them full tilt, rarely failing to ground them.

Now I had a cousin that I was very close too, he was 15 months younger than me, but he was always bigger and taller than me. Time has passed and I'm around 12 now, and my crazy mom has dumped me off on my aunt and uncle for the summer, which was fine by me! And one fine day, the cousin and I were out with a gang of boys, and Cuz said something that angered me, quicker than quick he was on the ground with me sitting on his chest slapping his face. Well, needless to say that caused him to lose face among the neighborhood boys, he was so furious with me that we didn't speak for a few days. Each day I'm getting madder and madder at him, because the local boys are siding with my Cuz and I'm left alone with nothing to do. One afternoon I over hear them planning a cow pie fight, which was one of my favorite things ever! So, I decide to swallow my pride and apologize, grovel if need be, anything that will allow me to be included in the fun.

I know if the apology is in front of everyone it will been seen as having learned my lesson, so I swallow that humble pie and out I go to grovel and be allowed back in their good graces. I go out. I laid it on thick, and deep. Made him the good guy. I was the villain. He just looked at me and said, "You just don't get it. You are a girl. Go do girl stuff, I'm tired of you hanging around." After sputtering around for a bit, he repeated himself to me in no uncertain terms, "You. Are. A. Girl. Go away."

I was hurt and devastated to say the least. Things did improve between us before the summer was over, but I had to be invited along, no longer was it just accepted that I could tag along. And I was often left at home.

School would be starting soon, and so it was back home to live again. One day I woke up and felt rather odd and icky, but went to school anyway. As the day progressed I couldn't figure out why I felt so weird, but shrugged it off and continued on. By the time school ended I had an upset stomach and felt just icky. I go to the bathroom and there is blood… at first I thought I was dying. And then I remembered the school nurse taking the girls aside and telling them the facts of life. While she was explaining things to them I wondered why I was in there with them. This had nothing to do with me, so why was I included?

And then it dawned on me, my Cuz was right, I am a girl, and my life tilted completely out of balance. Massive amounts of tears, and large scale grief, and dark black days of depression. I had no frame of reference, nothing to hang on to. I was a girl, a girl? How on earth did that happen, and when? I pulled away from the kids at school and started skipping a lot of days, my life was adrift on a sea of uncertainty. It seemed that month by month my body was changing, and there was no way to stop it, and I hated every single change. Boys wouldn't let me play with them any longer, and I had nothing in common with the girls, they lived in a alternate world without a guide book.

I'm now 15 and my home life has completely spun out of control. My mother is going through a very long, unbroken spell of crazy. She is beating me a great deal and the mental abuse is crushing. I have somehow become the parent/adult in the house. Its my job to take the $8.00 and go and by food for the week. My job to cook, clean, wash and iron, check the mail, and remind her to pay the bills. And at night many times after her losing complete control of her anger and beating me, she pleads from her bedroom for me to come in a tuck her in….and don't forget to turn on the nightlight…

This is also the year that I realize that I have something that boys want, my body. Still not reconciled to being a girl, it's a rather nice feeling to have someone want that part of me. I work on the weekends as a busboy, my mom was a waitress at the private club. Now one of the cooks sees how my mom treats me in front of everyone, and he is very sweet to me, and I'm desperate for a kind word, a nice gesture. One thing leads to another, and the innocent that I was, he got my clothes off me, praised my beauty and starting having sex with me. I panicked and tried to get him to quit. Stop! So, my first time was forced, what a lovely way to lose ones virginity, huh? He came back several times, and I was conflicted about it. I loved being held, and being told I was pretty, and being touched that didn't involve pain. But the sex I really didn't want, and didn't like, and I always tried to make him stop, and he never would.

The sex, the abuse from my mom, the girl body became more than I could bear, and it opened up a dark well inside of me. I started drinking, and hanging around older guys, and if they would get me drunk or high I would have sex with them. It wasn't me they were having sex with, it was my body, which wasn't me at all. I stopped eating and at one point weighted around 86 pounds. I truly didn't care if I lived or died. I had nothing to live for. And then one day I woke up in the next town, with people I didn't know, naked. I called my Angel Uncle and he came and got me, no questions asked. From that day on, I started cleaning up my life. I had decided that living for me, was enough to live for.

And I started trying to be more girlish, and started wearing much more feminine clothing and trying out makeup. I have made it out of the house only a few times in my entire life with lipstick on. I apply it, and then at the last moment run and wipe it off, for whatever reason that is just one thing I can't manage to reconcile myself to wearing.

The only time I have really enjoyed and loved my girl body is when I was building babies. But those years were very short lived, and it was back to hating my body. To explain the extreme disconnect between me and my body, I looked in the mirror as little as possible. I was often surprised when reflections from oddly placed mirrors in stores and businesses turned out to be me. It always took me a few minutes to recognize that reflection as myself, well it still does. I've stopped avoiding mirrors lately, but am still surprised by what I see, but at least I understand why I have these feelings.

Since my coming out birthday in January, I have done a great deal of soul searching, and have made a few discoveries. If I could, I would transition, no doubt about it. Hormones, top surgery, and metoidioplasty. However, I can see no way at all of doing so without losing what I have worked so hard at building, a family. They might accept my status as transgendered, but I sincerely know they would never accept me in a male form. And my husband has made it very clear, that changing the girl package is not something he would accept. So, keep the girl body, keep my husband and my adult sons, and lose myself. Or gain myself by transitioning, and lose husband and sons….

So the disconnect between what I am and what I see will continue forever, or until I just can't stand it any longer. Right now I'm really having issues with the realization that there is no way for me to transition. And every single time I'm perceived as female, it hurts. I'm ok with having to live this way one moment and then crashingly despondent with the knowledge this is who I will be forever. I will never have a chance to be the real and true me. My image will never reflect who I really am, and that is hard for me to cope with.

Here I stand, on a fence, the grass is greener on both sides, and sides are filled with grief. No matter what I chose, I lose.

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metoidioplasty

Alphabet Wars

2010-05-04T22:25:00.000-07:00

I know that as a group the LGBT are not the most cohesive group ever. We only have a few things that truly bind us together, the lack of civil rights, the need for civil rights, and a banding together for protection. And while it makes sense that we don't see eye to eye on many topics, there is one topic that we all should agree on. If you self identify as any of the letters in LGBT then you are family, we have your back and you have ours.

However, there is grief afoot in rainbow land. The fight to get ENDA passed has many of the LGB community throwing T under the bus. They are so eager to have protection under the law, and really who can blame them, that they are willing to start pushing people off of the life raft to get what they want, civil rights. A discussion on ENDA at The Bilerico Project on April 29, 2010 brought one person to say this in the comments.

I have contacted my representative and 2 senators to make clear that I and the gay constituents I know all support passage of ENDA with or without protections for so-called "gender identity".

I (hopefully) made clear that the inclusion of this extraneous category was the product of political maneuvering among certain gay groups, but that it had no resonance with the vast majority of gay voters. If legislators are wary of creating a federal right to sue employers over "gendered" bathroom access and workplace cross-dressing, then the answer is to cut that out of the bill and consider it separately.

That is what I told my reps. As to the folks on this blog, I can only ask why you are so insistent on driving a wedge in our community by insisting that ENDA go down to defeat rather than remove gender identity. Very divisive, IMO.

Suze | April 29, 2010 2:09 PM

Ok, so "Suze" shot a few holes in the life raft. It seems as though she doesn't believe in gender identity, and wants HER civil rights even if it means denying someone else theirs.

And unfortunately there are many in the LGB who don't believe that T should be a part of the family. They claim that with LGB its all about sexual orientation, and that T is about gender orientation. Hmm, well could be, could be, but then look at it this way. "Leaf" is born male, but Leaf's gender is female. Leaf's orientation before transitioning is "straight" as Leaf is interested sexually in women. Leaf has SRS, and yes Leaf is still sexually attracted to women, and now not only has Leaf's body transitioned, but her sexual orientation has as well, Leaf is now a lesbian. Or in my case I'm androgyne, which means my gender is both, and I lean more on the male side of the scale. So.... I guess that I am both straight and gay? My female side enjoys men, as does my male side.

If any of you read AJ, then I'm sure that you read his post on Bisexual softball players having to fight to be included in the Gay World Series. If you haven't heard of this, click here to catch up.

How many times have you heard someone say that Bi is only a station stop on the way to admitting that they are in fact gay. Ok, in our society, yes it can be a much easier step to think of one's self as bisexual rather than gay. For many teens labeling themselves as bi is a much easier for them to handle. If you stop and remember your teen years, do you remember the raging hormones? The silliest things that could set you off? Yeah, a puff of wind blows by 3 counties over and your ready! And for many, these raging hormones confuse the whole orientation question, because if anything turns you on, how can you see clearly who you are truly attracted to?

Yes there are actually bisexual people out there, lurking in our alphabet world. They take a great deal of hate from both gays and straights. It must be hard to be hated by so many, and to be understood by so few.

The other day I read something that caused me to pause and re-read, and read yet again. Yes, this person actually said if you were LG and had only had sex with a same sex person, you were a "pure" gay. Pure? Alrighty then! And on this very blog was a discussion of hatred towards effeminate gays. I see it all the time, men describing themselves as "masculine" "manly", as opposed to "girly" or "fem". I wonder if part of this is indeed masked sexism, I don't know.

What I do know is this, we are a minority in our country who are deprived of our civil rights, and every step forward seems paired with a step back. Attitudes are changing in our country towards more acceptance and more support for civil rights being at long last bestowed on LGBT. It is slow and often glacial movement, when by rights our civil rights were already granted in the laws of our nation, but were taken away with unconstitutional laws. It's time we stopped this inner bickering, this judging each other on our worthiness, asking if "they" should really be allowed to join the club, and unlike the parable, put all of our eggs in one basket and push for rights. Even if you don't plan on getting married, have no interest in serving in the military, and your sex and gender match so using a public restroom is easy peasy.

I watched this video over at Queerty.com today, and this young man says it better than I have ever heard before. Enjoy!

The Employment Non-Doscrimination Act (ENDA) Needs YOU!

2010-04-12T17:12:00.000-07:00

Hello All,

Ok, it looks like ENDA is finally going to be up for a vote, soon-ish, and it needs you! The steps are super simple to follow and will take very little of your time. This is your chance to stand up and tell congress that you deserve to have your civil rights honored. No more complaining, no more whining, just drag that cell phone out of your pocket and make a few calls.

This is the body of the email that I received today from National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Action Fund.

The Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) is moving in Congress again — and in a few short weeks we’re going to need your help to ensure that, this time, there are no more delays.

Elected officials focused on health care reform for months. Now that it’s passed, we have to act to make sure millions of LGBT people aren’t left out in the cold when it comes to equality in the workplace. ENDA has been delayed time and time again, but now it looks like it will be up for a vote very soon. Now is the time to act — our elected officials need to hear that further postponement just isn’t an option.

Right now people can be fired in 29 states for being lesbian, gay or bisexual and in 38 states for being transgender. It’s wrong — dead wrong. There’s no excuse for this kind of backwards discrimination in this day and age. ENDA can’t wait.

Help ensure that we pass ENDA once and for all. Please make a short phone call now to your legislators to keep the pressure on. They need to hear loud and clear from people who support equality. Even if you’ve called before, and even if you think your representative is supportive of ENDA, it’s critical that they hear from you again today.

Just follow these three steps:

1) Call the Capitol Switchboard at 202.224.3121 and ask to speak to your representative. (If you’re not sure who your representative is, simply give the operator your zip code and they will connect you.)

2) Follow this script:

My name is _____ and I live at (say your street address) in (say your city and state). I am calling to ask that you please pass the Employment Non-Discrimination Act now! Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people can't wait any longer for protection from job discrimination. So, please — no more delays. Pass ENDA right away. Thank you for your time.

3) Go back to step 1 and call at least one of your senators — we need to make our voice for equality as loud as possible.

It’s a quick, easy way to make a real difference in the fight for equality today. And in a few weeks, when ENDA finally goes to a vote, we’ll be calling on you to take action again. We’ll need to mobilize every last supporter we can to make more calls, send e-mails, and get friends and family to do the same. This legislation is being fought tooth and nail by the right wing, so no supporter of equality can afford to be silent.

Thank you for acting with the Task Force today.

Sincerely,

Rea Carey, Executive Director
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Action Fund

© 2010 National Gay and Lesbian Task Force Action Fund
Contact us at ActionFund@theTaskForceActionFund.org or call 202.639.6312.

That's Gay: Ac**kalypse Now

2010-03-30T19:13:00.000-07:00

President Obama promised that as soon as he fixed the economy and got the health care bill passed he would get right to work on DADT. Un-huh, I wasn't born yesterday, I'll believe it when I see it. But we all need to laugh more, and this show with Brian Safi is one of my favorite internet shows. Brian always makes me laugh. That's Gay for all of his videos. If you keep watching after this one ends, more That's Gay videos will play.

Enjoy!

Help! I like boys! (girls?) (both?!) by Roger

2010-03-22T19:46:00.001-07:00

Biki asked me to write a little about my situation in life, my sexuality, and how I got here, mainly to help or guide some of you younger readers and bloggers. I guess a little explanation is in order. I am married, to a woman, and have been for nearly 18 years. I have 3 kids, 2 of them teenagers, that I am trying to raise to be happy, friendly, well developed adults. It's hard! Oh, I am also gay. There are a lot of gay bloggers living the gay life and going about a typical gay life out there; I'm not one of them. After you read my story, you may want to carefully consider before going down my road.

I guess everyone has their early memories of seeing others nude, both male and female. It might be taking a bath with your siblings, or a friend sleeping over and changing together, jumping in the splash pool in the backyard with out a suit, etc. I remember playing with a girl down the street when I was in 2nd grade and we both decided to take off our clothes and keep on playing whatever we were doing. Our Moms were both surprised when they came out back to get us! My brother and I met another pair of brothers in the woods and wanted to compare dicks when I was in 3rd grade. In 4-6th grades, I would always take a really long shower in the pool changing rooms just watching everybody get changed and getting showers. I remember getting an erection when I was in the changing room with my friend and my brother one time. I didn't think a whole lot about it. I loved to see anyone naked, men, women, boys, girls; it didn't matter. (I love nudity and I am now a nudist, but that really has no connection to my sexuality) I don't have a sister, so most of my opportunities for viewing were to see boys, of course. I always preferred males; they just seemed more interesting, I guess because there are more moving parts. lol One exception to this was in 6th grade. There was a crawl space under one of the 6th grade classrooms that, over the years, people had expanded into a small area where teens went to hookup. I didn't know this exactly, but I had been all through there and found the areas people had equipped with blankets and candles. A girl named Stormie approached me and wanted to go under the building together! Cool! I was pretty sure this would involve undressing of some sort and it did. We had our shirts up and our pants down in about 15 seconds and were rubbing everything together. If I hadn't been so naive and (semi)innocent, I think we would have gone all the way. I'm not sure either of us really knew what to do, but it was still memorable! I got some mileage out of telling this to my buddies; that was a lot for a 6th grader in my day. Did I think I was gay at this point? I didn't know what that was, but I liked naked girls some and boys a lot.

Moving on to 8th grade, we had moved and I was the new kid at school. I was making my way as best I could and trying to make friends, but they were all boys. Where I moved to, kids started showering in gym in 6th grade, and it was your typical open bay, gang showers with all the towel snapping you could stand with kids from 6-8th grade all mixed together. I secretly loved it and did a lot of ball watching. I thought I was real clever about it, but probably not. I had a crush on a boy that I dared not reveal. He was beautiful, but I could hardly talk around him. Then it happened; I got a raging boner in the shower and someone noticed! Was I gay? I at least knew what that meant now. I thought my social life would be over after the shower scene, but it did blow over. In 9th grade, someone called me gay in a group setting. One of the "A" list socialite girls in my grade jumped right in and defended me to everyone (Roger is not gay!). I was highly grateful and told her in private. What did she see in me to do that? At some point when I was 14 or 15, I thought about committing suicide and had the rifle in my mouth. I ended up crying over my gun and my parents never found out. I had been praying my a long time, "God, please don't let me be gay". We all know this doesn't work; you are how you've been made by God. I kept on fooling myself even after this. I didn't date much in HS, but I had dates at the crucial events I attended. I had some looks and traits that girls wanted to date. I could just drop a hint in their clique and then shyly ask a giggling girl out. Did I enjoy these dates? Yes, but I was nervous as hell, just like anybody (straight or gay) on new date. I didn't pursue deeper relationships because the social "cover" was enough at the time. I really wasn't interested in being good friends with a girl. I looked at girls, talked about them with the guys, admired boobs and butts and, along with everyone else, liked to see Farah Faucet posters. I remember waking up from a wet dream involving a girl. Because I didn't have much experience dating, I think I was socially delayed. The dating level I was at in college was where most people were at in HS.

College was memorable for me and it should be for anyone. Living away from home for the first time, no one to check your comings and goings, able to do what you want, and meet who you want; what's not to like (there is no one to force you to study either, so have some self-control)? I went to a public school with a full-time corp of cadets (ROTC). (See my blog for more details) Many decades ago, it was an all male school and corp, but when I was there, it was coed. There were gang showers, nudity in the single sex dorms (probably in the mixed ones too), the works, just like the movies. It was fairly easy for me to not have to date anyone in college but I did date a few girls and did some range of sexual things with them. I remember having to run and get a condom from a buddy in a big hurry. Was I gay? I still lusted after guys but couldn't say anything. My fantasies involved boys but my dates were with girls. I jacked off in the showers (a lot) almost hoping to get caught. Hey, it would have been a conversation starter! The military can be a very homophobic place (at least back then I thought so). It can be really hard to admit you are not like anyone else. Looking back, I was just fooling myself.

In the military, all I really thought about was what the guys looked like nude, and when I could roam around the barracks. Deployments with field showers were also a treat. I was asked in a round-about way if I was gay at one point. I still wasn't ready to admit it. I ended up getting married to someone my age and I think both sets of parents were surprised that their son or daughter actually got married. We probably shouldn't have, but we really were in love. I have finally admitted to myself that I am gay (some of you may be thinking bi). I have kind of condensed things down here at the end of my story as I want to get to the main points about liking or maybe lusting after both boys and girls.

In the world of sexuality, there is a range of totally straight to totally gay and everything in between. It is called the Kinsey scale. There are very few people who are exclusively straight or exclusively gay or even exactly in the middle. Most people are somewhere in the middle with a leaning (maybe strongly) to one side or the other. Despite 90% of my sexual experience being with females, I much prefer sex with males. That doesn't mean that I don't like seeing good looking women. Sex can be good with either gender, it just really depends on your frame of mind and what naturally turns you on. How do you know which you prefer and should you try both to sure? Even while pursuing sex with girls, I was always thinking about guys. Who you think about when you masturbate is a good sign of a preference. Maybe you can remember the person in a wet dream you had. Given the free availability of any kind and style of Internet porn, what do you choose? Who do you think about living with long term, maybe for life? Relationships have many components to them, including emotional and sexual. "Friends with benefits" can be a great way to experiment with female sex. I think it is nice to be able to say you have tried both, unless you really have no interest. I know of a guy who's prom date wanted sex, and he managed it, but only by thinking of another boy! He is probably way over on the gay side, but not entirely, and that is OK. I have also heard someone described as "Straight as a Roman road" and he wouldn't even kiss a guy on a dare. I guess the main thing about trying sex with others (male or female) is don't lead anybody on. If you just want to have sex, make that clear; don't hurt anyone to get an experience. Being attracted to both sexes can have benefits but can also be confusing. Am I gay? Am I straight? You'll figure it out eventually, but don't lie to yourself about your sexuality. It can lead to a life of "What ifs" and regrets.

Now it's time for a shameless plug: My blog is "A Nexus" at nexusdodger.blogspot.com. I am happy to answer or follow up with any e-mails or comments you have. If you are a younger guy, I might refer you to some of the other bloggers out there closer to your exact situation. I can probably tell you a bunch about being married and gay, and there are more bloggers out there like me also.

Suicide Among LGBT Youths By Aek

2010-03-20T19:12:00.001-07:00

This is a particularly important health topic to address. Mental health is too often tabooed by society. And while I have no intention of (eventually) becoming a psychiatrist, all physicians must be sensitive to mental health issues. The first time I heard the following it shocked me, but now I repeat it in hopes that it helps someone – perhaps someone who’s reading this or knows someone who could benefit.

To begin, a few statistics. The Report of the Secretary’s Task Force on Youth Suicide published in 1989 by the US government found:

“A majority of suicide attempts by homosexuals occur during their youth, and gay youth are 2 to 3 times more likely to attempt suicide than other young people. They may comprise up to 30 percent of completed youth suicides annually.” (Gibson, pg. 110)

Troubling is that I heard this data was suppressed for several years after being initially published in 1989 before it surfaced to light.

Suicide ideation (thoughts of suicide) is estimated at between 50% and 70% for LGBTQ youths with actual suicide attempts ranging from 30-42%. Some studies further suggest that for LGBTQ youths who’re also racial minorities, the rates of “suicide activity” may be even higher. Interestingly, some studies further suggest that bisexual and/or questioning youths maybe at higher risk for suicidal behavior than homosexual youths. There is a lack of data on transgender youths, as much of the data is on transgender people of all ages. In one survey on TransActiveOnline.org, 45% of transgender youths have seriously thought about suicide.

Now some caveats on such studies. First, it’s difficult to truly assess who is and isn’t at risk for suicide; thus, suicide risk can be underestimated or overestimated. Second, non-heterosexuality is often hidden during the adolescent years (read: closet). Third, co-morbid/covariate factors (variables other than the primary variable that contribute to the outcome of interest) haven’t been well researched.

Study flaws and limitations aside, the numbers remain worrisome. Being LGBTQ certainly appears to be a risk factor for suicide, but being LGBTQ isn’t causal. That is to say, the increase in suicide risk among LGBTQ youth isn’t because they’re LGBTQ in and of itself, but because of all the socio-cultural baggage that comes with it all. So what do we do with this knowledge? To be honest, I’m not entirely sure as I don’t know enough yet myself. But awareness is certainly the first step – consider this my PSA for the month.

A well-known hotline for LGBTQ youths concerning suicide and depression is the Trevor Project. The 24/7 hotline is: 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386). They also have on their site some warning signs of suicide here.

In Africa, a step backward on human rights, By Desmond Tutu

2010-03-15T13:16:00.000-07:00

Friday, March 12, 2010

Hate has no place in the house of God. No one should be excluded from our love, our compassion or our concern because of race or gender, faith or ethnicity -- or because of their sexual orientation. Nor should anyone be excluded from health care on any of these grounds. In my country of South Africa, we struggled for years against the evil system of apartheid that divided human beings, children of the same God, by racial classification and then denied many of them fundamental human rights. We knew this was wrong. Thankfully, the world supported us in our struggle for freedom and dignity.

It is time to stand up against another wrong.

Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people are part of so many families. They are part of the human family. They are part of God's family. And of course they are part of the African family. But a wave of hate is spreading across my beloved continent. People are again being denied their fundamental rights and freedoms. Men have been falsely charged and imprisoned in Senegal, and health services for these men and their community have suffered. In Malawi, men have been jailed and humiliated for expressing their partnerships with other men. Just this month, mobs in Mtwapa Township, Kenya, attacked men they suspected of being gay. Kenyan religious leaders, I am ashamed to say, threatened an HIV clinic there for providing counseling services to all members of that community, because the clerics wanted gay men excluded.

Uganda's parliament is debating legislation that would make homosexuality punishable by life imprisonment, and more discriminatory legislation has been debated in Rwanda and Burundi.

These are terrible backward steps for human rights in Africa.

Our lesbian and gay brothers and sisters across Africa are living in fear.

And they are living in hiding -- away from care, away from the protection the state should offer to every citizen and away from health care in the AIDS era, when all of us, especially Africans, need access to essential HIV services. That this pandering to intolerance is being done by politicians looking for scapegoats for their failures is not surprising. But it is a great wrong. An even larger offense is that it is being done in the name of God. Show me where Christ said "Love thy fellow man, except for the gay ones." Gay people, too, are made in my God's image. I would never worship a homophobic God.

"But they are sinners," I can hear the preachers and politicians say. "They are choosing a life of sin for which they must be punished." My scientist and medical friends have shared with me a reality that so many gay people have confirmed, I now know it in my heart to be true. No one chooses to be gay. Sexual orientation, like skin color, is another feature of our diversity as a human family. Isn't it amazing that we are all made in God's image, and yet there is so much diversity among his people? Does God love his dark- or his light-skinned children less? The brave more than the timid? And does any of us know the mind of God so well that we can decide for him who is included, and who is excluded, from the circle of his love?

The wave of hate must stop. Politicians who profit from exploiting this hate, from fanning it, must not be tempted by this easy way to profit from fear and misunderstanding. And my fellow clerics, of all faiths, must stand up for the principles of universal dignity and fellowship. Exclusion is never the way forward on our shared paths to freedom and justice.

The writer is archbishop emeritus of Cape Town, South Africa. He won the Nobel Peace Prize in 1984.

The Bilerico Project and the US Census

2010-03-11T14:29:00.000-08:00

Today's post is about a website that I love, and I think you might just fall in love with it too. The Bilerico Project tag line is daily experiments in LGBTQ. Every day there is something new to read, running from personal posts to LGBTQ news. Today one of the stories is about a high school that cancels prom to keep two female students attending as a couple. Yes, they canceled prom after ACLU got involved and found out their polices were illegal under the anti-discrimination laws. Also was a call to contact Nancy Polosi and demand that she move on ENDA. Also a very good article on why the ban on gay marriage is unconstitutional. This is a link to the first part, the second part posted today, and the third and final part will post on Friday.

While I read most of the articles on Bilerico, my main focus on this site is transgender articles. To be quite honest, transgender topics are usually not covered in most of the more mainstream sites. The T is included in the listing, but in my view, only the LGB issues are deemed important in many peoples minds. And sadly transgenders are the "blondes" of the gay world, we are made fun of and sidelined. But not on Bilerico Project. There everyone that falls under the inclusion umbrella, all are welcome, and none are made fun of.

Stop on by and give this wonderful site a read, I don't think you will be disappointed.

Queer the Census is a grassroots effort to tell the federal government that we are here, and we deserve to be counted. If the federal government is going to spend money to count us, to find out how many are married, if we own guns, have indoor toilets, how much money we make, they shouldn't they count how many LGBT's there are? And how many of us have partners, or married in the states that allow us to marry? I signed the petition, and sent for my pink sticker to attach to the back of my census form, telling the feds if we are LGBT or a straight ally. This site is ran by the national Gay and Lesbian Task Force. Go, sign the petition, send for you pink sticker, and if you are a Facebook person, add it to your page. I did, in fact, I added it twice! Why? I wanted people to understand that to me it was very important!

The Testicles Are Still Hungry, by Aek

2010-02-23T19:30:00.000-08:00

This post is a continuation of The Care and Feeding of the Testicles. According to a birdie in the frozen Northlands, apparently they’re still hungry – go figure. In this post I’ll touch on 2 other fairly common problems that can occur with the testicles: epididymitis and orchitis.

First, some warning signs/symptoms indicating that you must see your doctor ASAP:

- tender or swollen scrotum persisting for more than 2-3 days

- discomfort and/or pain in the testicles that last more than 2-3 days

- discomfort and/or pain in the testicles that progressively worsens throughout the day

- pain that radiates (spreads) from the testicles to the groin and lower abdomen

- blood in semen (never never a good thing)

-----

Epididymitis

What is it?

It is an inflammation of the epididymis, the coiled tube at the back of the testicles where sperm is matured and stored. (Note: again, any word that ends with “-itis” means inflammation of.) Epididymitis may be either acute or chronic. It seems to be more common in guys under 40, particularly those who have unprotected anal sex. Epididymitis is the most frequent cause of sudden pain in the scrotum.

How is it diagnosed? What’re some symptoms?

Epididymitis is often caused by a bacterial infection (usually, but not always, an STD). The most common cause of epididymitis is chlamydia, followed by gonorrhea, and then followed by other random non-STD infections (like from E. coli). Non-infectious causes of epididymitis can also occur. It may be difficult to tell the difference between epididymitis and testicular torsion (both are bad, btw). A good physical exam is a necessary starting point. The Cremaster reflex may be tested; if it works, then it’s less likely to be testicular torsion. Urinalysis will be done to determine if it’s infectious in origin, and ultrasound is the preferred test. Symptoms include the 5 warning signs above; chills, fever, and/or painful urination/ejaculation are also possible.

Is it serious?

Yes! Epididymitis can indeed be serious. Other than persistent pain, epididymitis can damage the testicles and in some cases lead to reduced fertility or infertility. If an acute case of epididymitis goes untreated, it may develop into chronic epididymitis. Pus may also form in the scrotum (very unpleasant sounding). In rare cases, one may lose a testicle if epididymitis goes untreated for too long.

How is it treated?

Most cases of epididymitis are treated with antibiotics against the infectious bacteria. Symptoms should clear away after a few days. Bed rest, elevating the scrotum, and NSAID (non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug) pain killers are also indicated. If symptoms persist for more than 3 days after treatment begins, see your doctor ASAP as further work-up may be necessary. Also, if pus forms, it must be drained. Surgery is rarely indicated (as very severe cases are rare).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Epididymitis

http://wiki.medpedia.com/Clinical:Acute_Epididymitis

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/epididymitis/DS00603

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Orchitis

What is it?

Orchitis is an inflammation of the testicles. It can be related to epididymitis if the infection spreads.

How is it diagnosed? What’re some symptoms?

Orchitis is pretty similar to epididymitis and often caused by the same things. The diagnostic tests for orchitis is the same as that for epididymitis, and the symptoms of these two are (you guessed it) very similar as well. See above for more details.

Is it serious?

Yes! Orchitis can lead to the same things as epididymitis (so again, see above).

How is it treated?

The treatment for orchitis is the same as that for epididymitis. So see above.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orchitis

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/orchitis/DS00602

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Take Home Message:

If you experience the 5 warning signs at the top, you need to see your doctor ASAP!! No excuses unless you’re in the middle of nowhere. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had unprotected sex, or have had sex at all even – epididymitis and/or orchitis can still happen from a non-STD infection. The possible consequences of not going to the doctor are . . . well, you’ve read them above.

The Care and Feeding of the Penis, by Aek

2010-02-18T13:34:00.000-08:00

This is installment two of “The Care and Feeding of” series. I thought that since I did one on the testicles back in January, this month’s installment will be on the penis. I mean, it’s only logical since the penis receives so much attention from its own as well as others (for better or for worse). I’ve been debating how to best format this post as well as what to include, as the info could differ somewhat depending on the readership (US readers vs. international readers).

But I figured I’ll cover basic external anatomy, basic care of, and a few medical problems. Full disclosure I suppose: this is a longer post than the last one.

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Basic (External) Anatomy of the Penis

So I’m sure everyone’s quite familiar with the external (aka, surface) anatomy of the penis. It includes: the shaft, the glans (penis head), the foreskin, the frenulum, and the meatus (opening of the urethra). For circumcised guys, the foreskin (and often the frenulum) is (are) removed – what remains are a scar and remnants of the inner foreskin tissue, the amount of which can vary depending on how the circumcision was done. I will not get into circumcision in this post – so I won’t say much more of it than this. It seems, however, that many people don’t know much about the foreskin and frenulum.

Foreskin

The foreskin is actually more specialized than people often give it credit for. The “outer foreskin” is similar to the shaft skin, in that it’s thicker and less sensitive. The “inner foreskin” is more similar to the glans, in that it’s thinner and more sensitive. The foreskin folds over itself such that the inner foreskin is covered up when the penis is flaccid (soft). It’s important to know that foreskins vary greatly in length and don’t always automatically retract (pull back) upon erection. Some guys have foreskins so short that they don’t cover the entire glans even while flaccid, whereas other guys have foreskins long enough to still completely cover the glans during an erection. This is all normal.

Frenulum

The frenulum is a band of tissue that “tethers” the foreskin to the underside of the glans. Its function is to basically return the foreskin back over the glans. If you look at the underside of your tongue, you’ll notice a frenulum that keeps your tongue attached to the bottom of your mouth. The frenulum of the penis has been described as being really sensitive, enough so that some guys consider it the “male g-spot” (outside the other supposed male g-spot: the prostate).

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Basic Care of the Penis

The prevailing mantra here is: if you take care of your body, it’ll take care of you. Furthermore, don’t force it to do something it doesn’t want to do.

For all guys, circumcised or not, it’s important to wash the penis daily. There’s nothing special to this, just wash it like any other part of the body. It should be noted that some strong and/or scented soaps can irritate the sensitive tissues of the penis and cause: redness, itchiness, inflammation, dryness, etc.

Notes about/for uncircumcised guys:

The foreskin is not retractable in infants and young boys because it’s “fused” to the glans. The foreskin should NEVER be forced back if it doesn’t slide back easily. A lot of parents and pediatricians make this mistake, and it often leads to bad outcomes later on. According to one study, the foreskin is retractable in 50% of boys at 1 year, in 90% of boys at 3 years, and in 99% of boys at 17 years; several other studies generally support this. General rule of thumb: the boy should be the first person to discover that his foreskin can be retracted. Once the foreskin is retractable, it’s important to retract the foreskin and wash the area under it daily like any other part of the body. Again, use some caution with soaps; in fact, soap isn’t necessary.

Other general tips:

- Don’t use anything “weird” as a lubricant (lube) on the penis. Stick to saliva and hand lotion, or commercial lubes like KY Jelly or Astroglide. Water-based lubes are also safe for condoms. :-)
- NEVER insert anything into your penis. The urethra is pretty delicate and easily damaged. (This point was edited thanks to an email I received from a reader; I hadn't think people would be silly enough to actually attempt something like this . . .).

- If your penis ever gets dry, abstain from using soap on the area and apply lotion. That usually works.

- Fordyce’s spots: are bumps along the penile shaft. These can be confused with warts, but in fact they are completely harmless and normal. If you’re worried/unsure, consult your primary care doctor or a dermatologist.

- Pearly penile papules: are bumps on the corona (rim) of the glans. These can also be confused with warts or some other STD, but they’re also completely harmless and normal. If you’re worried/unsure, consult your primary care doctor or a dermatologist.

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Penis Problems

Like any part of the body, the penis isn’t immune to problems. In this section, I’ll mention the following: meatitis/meatal stenosis, skin bridges, balanitis, tight foreskin/frenulum, and Peyronie’s disease.

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Meatitis/Meatal stenosis

What are meatitis and meatal stenosis?

Meatitis is inflammation of the meatus (opening of the urethra; aka, peehole). Meatitis can lead to meatal stenosis. Meatal stenosis is the narrowing of the meatus, which reduces urine flow and may even occlude (block) the meatus. (Note: any word with “-itis” at the end means inflammation. “Stenosis” means “narrowing of.”)

Who gets it and how does it happen?

Both meatitis and meatal stenosis occur almost exclusively in circumcised infants/young boys. Some studies suggest that meatal stenosis may occur in as much as 10-11% of circumcised infants/boys (that is, about 1 in 10 circumcised infants may develop meatal stenosis). Because the glans and meatus are constantly exposed, the meatus gets irritated very easily – especially from urine and feces in diapers. This irritation can lead to inflammation (meatitis), and the inflammation can cause a lot of swelling (leading to meatal stenosis).

How is it diagnosed? What’re the symptoms?

Symptoms often include: weak urine flow, spraying of urine or abnormal urine stream, visible narrowing of the meatus, discomfort/pain when urinating, and sometimes UTIs (urinary tract infections).

Can it be dangerous?

Yes! If the meatus becomes too narrow, it can block urine flow completely. This can be life-threatening.

How is it treated?

To treat meatal stenosis, the meatus must be surgically re-opened. I won’t go into the details because it’s rather painful-sounding.

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Skin Bridges

What are skin bridges?

Skin bridges are exactly what they sound like: a bridge of skin, usually from the circumcision scar and/or inner foreskin to the glans. Some people may mistake the frenulum for a skin bridge.

Who gets it and how does it happen?

Skin bridges occur almost exclusively in circumcised infants/boys, though they can occur between the inner foreskin and the glans in an uncircumcised male if the foreskin was forcefully retracted prematurely. Remember from above, the inner foreskin and the glans are “fused” at birth. During circumcision, this fusion/adhesion must first be broken; however, during healing, the edges of the remnants of the foreskin and the glans may fuse back together, creating a skin bridge.

Can it be dangerous?

No. But, apart from being unsightly, skin bridges may uncomfortably/painfully pull on the glans and shaft skin during erection.

How is it treated?

A skin bridge doesn’t have to be treated if it doesn’t cause discomfort or pain. Treating a skin bridge is primarily cosmetic and usually involves cutting the skin bridge and maybe some further minor cosmetic surgery.

Can skin bridges be prevented?

While fairly common in circumcised males (though I don’t have exact figures), skin bridges often resolve themselves. Spontaneous erections in infants and boys usually break the adhesions, thus breaking the skin bridges before they become permanent. Some doctors recommend gently retracting the remaining foreskin/shaft skin from the glans once or a couple times a day to prevent adhesions from forming in the first place – though I suspect this is uncomfortable for the infant. Skin bridges don’t occur in males who’re circumcised later in life.

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Balanitis

What is balanitis? Who gets it and how does it happen?

Balanitis is a fairly common inflammation of the glans. In uncircumcised males it can also affect the foreskin. Balanitis tends to be more common in uncircumcised males but it can definitely affect any guy. There are many causes of balanitis: physical trauma/friction (such as too much masturbation and/or sex), bacterial, fungal (yeast), or viral.

How is it diagnosed? What’re the symptoms?

The symptoms of balanitis are usually pretty typical for inflammation: redness, soreness/tenderness, itchiness, and sometimes dryness. A rash may also be present. Often a swab of the affected area is sent to be analyzed, and if the balanitis persists despite treatment, a referral to a dermatologist may be necessary.

Can it be dangerous?

No. I suppose the caveat is that if it’s not taken care of, or if it frequently recurs, it could cause other problems such as UTIs or narrowing of the foreskin.

How is it treated?

To treat balanitis is fairly simple. If you suspect you have balanitis, immediately stop masturbating or having sex, as it might be cause from doing too much of those activities. Then stop using soap on the penis and especially under the foreskin (if you still have yours). Keep the area clean and dry as much as possible throughout the day. If symptoms persist for more than 2-3 days, see your doctor. He/she will probably prescribe an anti-fungal medication, or some other (usually topical; aka, a cream) medication.

Can balanitis be prevented?

Sometimes shit happens and despite everything things go wrong. This is true of balanitis. Maintaining good genital hygiene and safe sex practices greatly reduces the chances of ever getting balanitis. In some uncircumcised men who get frequent recurrent balanitis, circumcision may be an option – but that’s far from a guarantee as many circumcised guys also get balanitis. Diabetes is a huge risk factor for balanitis, so keeping diabetes under control is important.

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Tight Foreskin/Frenulum

What does a tight foreskin/frenulum mean?

A tight foreskin (also called “phimosis”) is one that is too tight to be comfortable retracted such that the entire glans may be exposed. A tight frenulum (also called “frenulum breve”) is where the frenulum is too tight/short and thus prevents the foreskin from being retracted very far. Both of these conditions vary in severity. Sometimes it’s quite mild, and the guy can retract his foreskin while flaccid but not erect (at least, not completely). Other times the phimosis may be so severe that the foreskin is never retractable and it may even obstruct urine flow (however, cases this severe are extremely rare).

How common is this?

Remember from above that the foreskin is retractable in only about 50% of 1-year-old infants, but is retractable in 99% of 17-year-olds. Thus at most only 1% of uncircumcised guys truly suffer from tight foreskins, and most of the time it’s fairly mild and easily treated.

Can it be dangerous?

Phimosis can only really be dangerous if it’s one of the extremely severe cases (e.g. obstructs urine flow, pain upon erection, etc). Frenulum breve is never dangerous, though the frenulum may be broken during sexual activity (in slang: snapping the banjo string), and this is quite painful and bloody. Sometimes a tight foreskin may be retracted behind the glans but can’t be returned back over the glans; this is a condition called paraphimosis and must be taken care of ASAP or it may lead to strangulation of the glans (it’s really not a big deal if it’s treated immediately). It is important to resolve phimosis early, as it not only facilitates better hygiene, but also allows the guy to experience more pleasure (as the most sensitive parts of the penis are under the foreskin – glans, inner foreskin, and frenulum).

How is it treated?

There are many ways to treat phimosis and frenulum breve, and interestingly it varies depending on where you live. For a long time in the US, circumcision was automatically recommended to treat both conditions. In most other places in the world, circumcision is reserved as a “last resort” for when all other treatments fail or for only the most severe cases.

The most common treatments involve means to loosen the foreskin and/or frenulum, either with a steroid cream applied to the foreskin several times daily for 4-6 weeks or with manual stretching exercises (see links for stretching exercises). If those methods fail, one may opt for a preputioplasty (surgical loosening of the foreskin) to treat phimosis, or frenuloplasty (surgical loosening of the frenulum) or frenectomy (surgical removal of the frenulum only) to treat frenulum breve. All of these methods are generally cheaper (and less painful with shorter recovery times) than circumcision.

1. http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/wiki/Tight_Foreskin

2. http://www.network54.com/Forum/244184/

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Peyronie’s Disease

What is Peyronie’s disease? Who gets it and how does it happen?

Peyronie’s disease is the development of fibrous plaques/scar tissue inside the penis, causing painful curvature upon erection. (Note: most males have a slight curvature to their penises upon erection. This is normal.) It most commonly affects middle-aged men. No one really knows what causes Peyronie’s disease; many believe it’s due to injury/trauma during sexual activity (so don’t be too rough guys). Some studies also hint at a genetic factor, as in some men with Peyronie’s disease also have connective tissue problems in their hands and feet. One is generally advised to see an urologist to truly diagnose Peyronie’s disease, as many primary care physicians don’t understand it well enough to do so.

Is it dangerous?

I don’t think so, but it does make erections and sexual activity potentially quite painful.

How can it be treated?

From what (little) I’ve read, there aren’t any “surefire” treatments for Peyronie’s disease. Sometimes the condition resolves itself without medical treatment, and some doctors advise waiting a year or two to see if it spontaneously improves before resorting to surgery. There are also a number of experimental (non-surgical) treatments being looked into.

For more info, see:
http://wiki.medpedia.com/Peyronie%27s_Disease

My First Love, a video story

2010-02-07T13:19:00.000-08:00

I came across this story on youtube tonight and am blown away by the story. While watching the series I had to keep reminding myself that it's all true. It's about love and abandonment, betrayal and friendship, and the strength of the human spirit. Watch this powerfully moving story, there are 59 episodes, and tell me what you think.

Gay vs Homosexual by Ethan

2010-02-03T19:07:00.000-08:00

Well I had originally planned on making this post on my blog but I thought it would be perfect here on Biki's 2nd blog. My name is Ethan. I am 18 years old live in Iowa in the USA and have a blog called Slowly Coming Out. www.ablackclosetcase.blogspot.com to learn more about me

And now my post

So I was talking to Ryan and he had posted a picture of himself on his facebook with a rainbow style tie with the caption of "sometimes a gay guy just needs to release his inner rainbow!"
Now I could have asked him to just remove the caption but truth be told I still wouldn't have liked the picture.

You see when I see that flag the first thing that pops in my mind is flaming gays. You know exactly who I'm talking about; gays who sound and act more like girls than girls among other stuff. I mean they have a right to act the way they want and I'm not going to stop them or tell them they should change their ways BUT that doesn't mean I like it.

I mean like it or not (and I don't), the media likes to take the really gay guys and put them on tv b/c they are doing the most outlandish stuff, wearing the craziest stuff, and acting crazy too and it is good for the ratings and they like it too. Especially Gay Pride. I have none what so ever after seeing what those people do on TV.

I think what people don't realize that a group of gays hate it. Why? b/c we are trying to convince our family/friends/co-workers and anybody else that we are still normal people but just like people of the same-sex but that shouldn't be any reason for us not to be looked down on. But we aren't having much luck b/c this is ALL they see on tv and if they see anything else they don't believe it could ever happen in real life.

So yeah I don't like nor do I care for it. I think that is nice that people can be like this and are happy but I think it's going to be a long time before we can have a good balance of it in the media but really who would want a normal gay couple on TV which wont do anything when you can have a flaming gay or 2 on TV which could boost ratings a lot?

You may say that I shouldn't judge them before I get to know them but I say why not? They aren't helping me be gay so why should I help them?

Leave Comments
Ethan

Make Up Sex 101 by Biki

2010-01-16T23:35:00.000-08:00

Over and over I hear the same thing, how lucky I am with my relationship with T.H. (The Husband). And yes, I am lucky to have T.H. in my life. But, being married happily is never luck, tis at times just plain hard work. Yea, hard work..... From the prospective of 31 years of marriage, I have a few insights to share with you.

Any relationship is work, yea yea I know you don't really want to hear that do you? But, tis all to true. So, you are sitting there looking at your screen thinking, work? What on earth is Biki talking about?

Love, love, love and sex!

That is what it's all about really, huh? Many things brought you together at first, one of which might be good ol' fashioned lust. But, lust isn't enough to hold a relationship, there has to something deeper, more solid to live on. And that something deeper has to be love.

At the beginning, fueled with lust and blinded by love, everything is fine fine fine. But, lust does start to cool a bit, and our eyes start to clear, and then we hit the pavement. Things that never bothered us about them before, suddenly make us want to scream..... well we can't go around doing that now can we?

Pick your battles wisely!

Here is something stupid from our past.... and I do mean stupid. Ok, so I am like a 5 year old with the toothpaste, I will admit it. I squeeze the tube from the middle, and am not usually good at putting the cap on straight or tight, and it drove T.H. nuts! Believe it or not, we would fight about toothpaste....sigh. Yea, toothpaste. Then one day my brain finally engaged, and it dawned on me two things that were set in stone. One, I will not be changing how I use toothpaste. Two, T.H. will never be ok with it, and it is well weird to fight over TOOTHPASTE! The next time we grocery shopped, I bought two different type of toothpaste, end of problem.

If only I had realized how stupid fighting over toothpaste truly was earlier, we might not have used so many tears and anger over something so trivial. So, while you are pulling in that breath to yell about something? Stop and think, is this really that important that we need to fight over it? Will he ever change? Will I ever change? If there is an easier way around, like me buying two types of toothpaste, then go that route. A lot of the stuff couples fight over is just trivial, plain and simple. How to fold the towels, do we air dry the dishes or wipe them, which way should the toilet paper hang, etc. All this is just trivial, and doesn't matter at all, unless we blow it all out of proportion with our need to win these trivial battles.

Win to loose!

So, you have decided that this indeed is an important battle. The lines have been drawn in the sand, and your built up anger is ready to burst right out of your skin. And the argument is on! Let's pull back from the battle scene for a moment and look at this shall we? Ok, you are mad, and that is a valid emotion, and letting it fester inside is a really bad idea to be sure. However there is a right way to fight, and a wrong way.

The wrong way is to say things like this.... "You never think about what I want!" Or... "You didn't even care about what I thought!" Ok! That is sure to start a war between you two. If you attack your guy with those kind of words, what you will get back is him lashing back because he is now hurt. And you will be hurt by his words and the end result, is that nothing is resolved and everyones feelings have been battered and bruised. And now that is a whole new problem.

Instead tell the person how their actions make you feel, and yes you can do this loudly. So the right way would be....."It hurts me when you made decisions without asking me first." See, the same information is given, but without being quite as combative about it. Say it loudly if you really must, what you feel inside, not what they have done wrong. The whole idea of a fight is to get things straight and back on track again.

Whose job is this anyway?

Some couples divide up the jobs that keep the lights on and the house clean very rigidly, others run with a much more free form manner. Each of them works well depending on the personalities of the couple. Having said that tho.... there comes a time and a place to just man up.

So, he does the dishes, tis his job, ok fine. However, does that mean you can't carry your after dinner snack plate to the kitchen? If all of the dishes have been done for the night, give it a quick wash. Yes, yes I know, tis so not your job. But, think how happy doing something so small can make him. Why will it make him feel happy? Because you are giving value to his effort to keep the dishes done and the kitchen clean by washing up what you have dirtied. By helping out with small things like this, not only are you helping to keep things nice and tidy, but in effect you are saying, "I love you, and I appreciate you!" Now, doesn't washing that dish sound like a good idea?

We are all busy, but ignoring the housework can lead to disagreements. To me a messy house is noisy and chaotic, a clean one is quiet and peaceful, even with metal blasting from the speakers. Rather than having a long slog each weekend of cleaning up the sty formerly know has your home, do a tiny bitty piece each day, because let's be honest who wants to spend their precious weekend mucking out toilets? Then the weekend work will be down to an hour or so tops, and will only cost the both of you 20 minutes or so tops each night.

Not only will this keep your house clean and weekends free, it will lead to a much happier home. And if you both are natural slobs? Then make up a list, and do you bit each night, every night. Doing it this way will seem more accessible than that weekend long slog filled with, "What in the hell is it with you, do you ever put anything away?" And the bell rings, "In this corner weighing in with loads of sarcasm is....."

The root of all evil, money.

This, yea this is the tough one to deal with. Strangely enough money is just not something we use to buy stuff with. Money has many faces and we really need to listen to what each other is saying here, closely.

You hate to spend any money, your main focus is to save save save. Ok, now tell yourself the true reason saving your money is so important to you? If you understand why saving is so important to you, then explaining it will be so much easier.

So, this is going to be tough to hash out, and one needs to be careful about how we use words here or twill be dragons and fire every where. This one topic, about something so mundane, and yet so powerful, breaks many couples apart. More than anything, this needs to be addressed fairly early on. For some reason, it's so much easier to strip down naked with a complete stranger and have hot sex with them, than to talk to a loved one about money.

Winning this conversation is not what you should be aiming for. A win for you here, could spell a bigger loss down the road, the end of your relationship. So, tread carefully or it could all go pear shaped here. Your money should pay the bills, be saved for emergencies, and for fun.

Yes!! Fun needs to be added into the budget. So, there isn't much money left over at the end of each month for fun. Then learn to stretch your money till it cries. So what if you can't afford expensive dinners out, or big lavish gifts for birthdays? What is truly more important here, living large, or love? I'm hoping you are saying, love.

So, the title of this post was rather deceiving, sorry. Because if you work it correctly you won't be having make up sex..... but hey, made ya look!

The Care and Feeding of the Testicles, a guest post by Aek

2010-01-11T21:14:00.000-08:00

So the lovely Biki asked me (as the “medical specialist” in this corner of the blogosphere) to do a post on the following topic, as well as suggest the rather apt title. I will touch upon 2 topics today: testicular torsion and testicular cancer.

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Testicular Torsion

What is testicular torsion?

Testicular torsion is when the spermatic cord (that contains the artery and vein to the testicles) twists on itself and cuts off blood supply to a testicle. It’s very painful and must be ruled out whenever there’s pain in the scrotum.

How does it happen?

Normally, the testicles are “anchored” to the bottom of the scrotum by the ligament made by the gubernaculum (such a fun word to say, say it with me: gubernaculum). During fetal development, the gubernaculum pulls the testicles from inside the abdomen down into the scrotum (though no one knows exactly how it does this). If the ligament made by the gubernaculum weakens/breaks, the testicle “floats” more freely in the scrotum, allowing it to more easily twist around itself. The most common causes of testicular torsion are trauma to the testicles or strenuous physical activity.

How is it diagnosed?

There are a lot of things that can cause pain in the scrotum, such as inflammation or infection. A good patient history and physical exam are usually sufficient to diagnose testicular torsion. Sometimes an ultrasound may be used, if available.

Can it be dangerous?

Aside from extreme pain that can cause nausea and dizziness, testicular torsion can indeed be dangerous. Because the blood supply to the testicle is cut off by the twisting, the testicle is in danger of dying and become gangrenous. Prompt treatment within hours may be necessary to save the testicle . . . otherwise amputation of the testicle to prevent gangrene infection may be needed.

How is it treated?

Testicular torsion is often treated surgically. Sometimes it may be manually untwisted or it may even untwist on its own. Such treatment should be attempted by a trained doctor only.

Take home message:

If you’re experiencing extreme pain in your testicles, see the doctor ASAP. No excuses.

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Testicular Cancer

What is testicular cancer?

That’s rather self-explanatory, lol. It’s actually really freaky and I won’t go into the weird details of testicular cancer. o_O

Who gets testicular cancer?

Testicular cancer is odd in that it’s not an “old person’s disease” like most cancers. It’s the most common cancer of men between the ages of 15 and 34, occurring most often in men between the ages of 20 and 39. Testicular cancer accounts for about 1% of all male cancers in the US. In 2009, 8400 new cases of testicular cancer were diagnosed in the US and there were 380 deaths from it. Fortunately, testicular cancer has over a 95% cure rate if detected early.

How is it diagnosed? What’re the symptoms?

Taken from the National Cancer Institute (NCI), the following are common symptoms of testicular cancer:

- painless lump/swelling in a testicle

- pain/discomfort in a testicle or in the scrotum

- enlargement of a testicle or changes to how it feels

- dull ache in the abdomen, back, or groin

- sudden collection of fluid in the scrotum

How is testicular cancer treated?

The same as any other cancer, more or less: surgery, radiation therapy, and/or chemotherapy. Fortunately, treatment for testicular cancer tends to be less aggressive than for many other cancers.

What about prevention?

As with many cancers, prevention = early detection. To detect testicular cancer early, guys should do monthly testicular self-exams. It’s very easy to do. During/immediately after a shower, when the scrotum is relaxed, gently hold one testicle and feel for lumps or anything different (such as tenderness, increased firmness, or buildup of fluid). Then repeat with the other testicle. Compare the two testicles for any changes in size. Since many will forget to do this (I’m just as guilty), it may be a better idea to pseudo-incorporate this into masturbation sessions once in a while. Just a thought. o_O

For more info, visit the NCI site at: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/sites-types/testicular

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Now for something amusing/interesting. Guys have a special reflex called the “cremaster reflex.” There’s a muscle in the spermatic cord called the cremaster muscle, that pulls the testicles closer to the body. The nerve that innervates the cremaster muscle (the genito-femoral nerve) splits in the abdomen and also goes to the inner thigh. So if you stroke your inner thigh, you’ll cause your testicles to pull towards your body. Nifty, eh?

Being Gay in God's Eyes A guest post by Ryan

2010-01-05T19:27:00.001-08:00

An Introduction To Sin

What causes people to go to hell is sin. Pure and simple, Sin is the reason we cannot share an eternal life with God in heaven. We were created to be beings of worship unto God, to live our life in the service of Him and to spread His good word (Bible) to the other people of the world. This task of spreading God's word is called the Great Commission.

When we do something that is against God or His word, that is a sin. Now the Bible says that all sin is equal. If you sleep with 14 men in one night or if you shoot your next door neighbor, or if you steal a loaf of bread or even if you use God's name in vain. These are all sin's and although our society has placed different values and punishments on these acts (or none at all), God sees them all equally bad: They are all sins.

The Bible also says that EVERYONE sins. There will never be anyone, in our lives, that does not sin. Nobody is perfect. Some are notably better than others by example. Some people are ravaged drug users who kill people all the time and some people live fairly decent lives but might slip up every once in a while. Both parties have sinned and both must repent.

Repenting is easy and hard at the same time. All you need do to remove a sin from your slate is to ask God to forgive you for it by naming Jesus Christ as your personal savior and thank him for dying for your sins. God will forgive you of your sin no problem, but you MUST mean it! And God knows whether you mean it or not. If you say you're sorry, but then you turn around and do it again, well you are then sinful again. Back to square one.

Introducing Homosexuality

Now that I have covered the basics of sin, let's talk about homosexuality and bisexuality. For The Bible doesn't really address Bisexuality too much other than when it is addressing homosexuality, but since bisexuality would still involve two people of the same sex interacting in a sexual way, we are going to deal only with homosexual acts and the Bible's take on them.

You no doubt have heard from someone in your life that the Bible, and thus God, does not like homosexual behavior. Black and White right? No room for argument? You have probably heard of Sodom and Gomorrah, Romans, Corinthians, and Leviticus and you no doubt have felt persecuted because of the things they books say about being homosexual. Well the time for the guilty feeling is over. Before I go into the reason it is over you need to understand a few rules about discussing the Bible:

1. The Bible, while conceived by God and written with His guidance has not always been interpreted using His guidance. It has also not always been interpreted for the purposes of good people.

2.Some things in the Bible refer to cultural topics that are not relatable to present day life in a word for word sense. My example is this: in First Corinthians is says that women should not cut their hair. This was because back then, if women cut their hair, they were viewed to be whores and evil doers and that is not the kind of people that God wants spreading his gospel. If a whore came up to you and said, "Repent!" You would laugh and walk away, but in today's world, cutting women's hair does not have this same effect. But some things do. The lesson can still be applied to our lives and thus it IS relevant, but it should not be applied word for word.

3.No person on the planet can be 100% sure that something they read in the Bible is perfectly translated and that they understand that translation perfectly. Only through much study and reading can you begin to unravel the true meanings behind every word written in the Bible, but through this guide you can gain some understanding and get a good idea of where to start reading!

Being Open To New Ideas

Most people in the Christian world are set in their ways. Some are accepting of homosexuality, some are not but all seem locked into what they believe. This is not always a bad thing when it comes to being a spiritual person, but knowing that you could always be wrong is what leads us to continue studying and learning. So do not push your beliefs, whatever they may come to be, on other Christians, but offer what you have learned to them and if they seem open to learn and discuss, share your opinions and what you believe.

Many times in the Bible various leaders have been shown that what they thought was God's will, was truly not correct. It took a blinding light and a voice from heaven to help the apostle Paul change his mind about certain Hebrew texts. A sheet lowered from the sky filled with all kinds of animals helped the apostle Peter gain new insights into Jewish law. These men were Godly and just, but they were wrong. So if the Apostle Paul could be wrong, if you are faced with an argument from another Christian, simply inform them that they could be as well!

Always have your mind open to what God can show you and teach you. The word of God is a powerful tool, but it can be misunderstood and hard to read at times. Take your time and study it, seek advice, but seek literary advice. Ask what words mean and what the original translations were, but do not seek out teachings on what scriptures mean for your life. That is something only God can tell you through prayer and study.

The Scriptures

When people talk about Homosexuality in the bible they refer to a certain set of scriptures scattered throughout the various books. I have taken the liberty to compile these scriptures here to save yourself the time of looking them all up!

Leviticus 18:22 - "Do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman; that is detestable." (NIV)
Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads." (NIV)
1 Corinthians 6:9-10 - "Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God." (NIV).

1 Corinthians 6:11 - "And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God." (NIV)

Romans 1:26-27 - "Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion." (NIV)

In addition to the above scriptures in the book of Genesis, Chapter 19 is talks about God destroying Sodom and Gomorrah.

The Debate

I am not going to tell you what is right and what is wrong. I will nto tell you because I do not know for sure. I only know what feels right to me after studying this topic for many years I can only assume to believe what God has led me to believe, but you must study His word and decide for yourself.

The scriptures listed before have been used harshly by the church in the past. Many people have been shunned, discriminated against, hated and attacked on the basis of these scriptures. You are reading words that infuriate people, that drive them to become angry and forceful. Because of this I caution you not to take these words lightly: Do not force your beliefs or what you read here onto other people.

When looking at the Leviticus scriptures the debate it something fierce. Some scholars believe as the church does, that these scriptures indicate homosexuality to be an abomination. Some believe otherwise that these scriptures talk, when taken down to their Greek translations, refer more to pagan temple rituals than common sexual acts.

As far as the Corinthian scriptures are concerned a similar debate rages on. Some believe that the Greek translation for Homosexual Offenders is actually male prostitutes. However, some argue that this would be a repeat, as Paul had already written male prostitutes into the verse.

The Romans scripture is also believed by some to refer to prostitution and not necessarily homosexual acts.

Most leading scholars outside major denominations believe that Sodom and Gomorrah's demise was caused by incest like relationships, bestiality and orgies and group sex.

Something To Think About

Jesus never talks about same sex relationships during his entire time on Earth, he does say to love everyone though. Jewish prophets are silent about homosexuality meaning that they offer no opinion or guidance whatsoever. Out of over one million verses in the entire Bible, only six or seven mention homosexuality in any way and they do not speak of it in the context we know it in today.

Conclusion

You can see by the information I have presented that the topic is far from black and white. Nobody can tell you that being gay is wrong because it never says being attracted to another man is a sin. So as far as your feelings go, they are fine and dandy. As for your actions, you have to read the Bible and study what it says, then you need to pray.

Only God can tell you what is right and wrong. But I can tell you what I prayed every night when I was a teenager dealing with the guilt of loving God and wanting to be a good Christian, but also being attracted to guys.

"Dear lord, you know my heart. You know the desires within me and the dreams I have. I love you Lord more than anything and I want your will to be done in my life. But I feel as though I have a burden upon me that I cannot remove without help. If it is sinful and wrong for me to feel this way and want these things than help me to ignore them or rid my heart of them completely, but if it is not a sin then put that feeling upon my heart so that I may love someone and be with someone I care about. In your name I pray, Amen."

Know this: The Bible never says anything bad about two people loving each other and wanting to be together. Nowhere in the whole book of books does it say that a man should not love another man, or a woman another woman. Love is what God is all about. Of hope faith and love the greatest is love! And God never makes you to be something he does not like.

It is my time to present to you my findings, or what I have decided is the right course for me. What God has led me to believe is that a monogamous relationship with a man who cares for me and that I care for in return is a wonderful thing. I have come to believe that the Bible was translated in a time when two men were not meant to be together and thus the translation reflected that. But now I think that if God created me to love another man then as long as it is not lustful, and it is not promiscuous, that it is just and that I will not be judged sinful for doing so.

So live your life in a decent way, be a good person and love who you are with. Ask for forgiveness when you mess up and read the Bible for yourself so that you can form a whole hearted faith in the Lord.

Thanks for your time

Written by Ryan from Ryan's Portal

With questions or comments, please email me at Ryanasralph@gmail.com

Hello All!

2009-12-31T17:50:00.000-08:00

This blog is part advice column, part informational articles, and hopefully a place we can all come for support and understanding. I want you to feel that in many ways, this is your blog. Tell me what you want to know, what you need to know, what you need to hear. Ask me a question that I don't know the answer to? I will dig until you have your information. I would like to open it up to guests to post. However, having said that, I do have the last word if your post will see the light of day.

There will be two ways to receive advice, both are simple and start the same way, with an email. Open posting advice, write me an email and explain that you want this to be an posted question, and ask me your question. Your question will appear in a post with my advice following, and this will allow comments to your question and my answer. Your identity will not be revealed, so no worries about that. Write as much detail as you wish to me because I will strip anything out before I post that might allow your fellow bloggers to recognize you.

Private advice, email me and I will answer you back my advice to you in an email.

And if you are sitting there wondering if I can be trusted with your most private feelings and problems? I am a vault. I do not ever feel the need to tell what I know. EVER!

There is no embarrassing me either! If you have chatted with me you know I can be well rude if I wanna be. There is no subject that would embarrass me, ok?

This blog will be evolving as time spools out, and I hope this becomes a home for open and frank discussion of....... whatever YOU want to talk about.

If you don't know who I am and want the cliff notes version, here it is......

Androgyne, straight, married to my best friend for 31 years, 4 sons. And those four young men are the best thing I will ever do! Was a librarian in a very small village for 10 years, and yes that means I love to read. Science, history, manga, anime, movies,..... ok I'm basically interested in everything. Want to know more about me? Ask me!